Editor’s Note: No epilogues or prologues here. Just the solemn story of snm1984. Read. Tell us what you would do here
Its been a long time since I posted here.I hope you all still remember me.I am facing a serious issue right now & friends I need your guidance and support.Feeling really frustrated to the point of ending this marriage.To people who don’t know me,I have been TTC for one and a half years.Please go through my previous thread-
How to cope with a spouse who blames you for infertility?
Well my husband’s behaviour didn’t change at all.I needed change and support,so I went on a 1.5 month trip to India few months back.Due to serious Mil issues(we are not on talking terms),I told him that I can go visit his mom for a day but can’t stay there without him.He was OK with it and I went ahead.Meanwhile he told me that he had kept my trip a secret from his mom and asked me to do the same.Its been 2 yrs since he saw his mom as well so he informed me that she will be coming to US around Sep-Oct.I had a great time in India & after I came back he told me how much he missed me and all that.Until last week our relationship was basically good,I mean it went smoothly if we chose to ignore/avoid sensitive topics.Topics about when I am going to get pregnant,his mom and about my parents(how they didn’t meet his expectations (dowry) during marriage).
Coming to the incident that happened last week,it just started with me asking him to be more open and free with me for a minor issue.Then he just replied that being open and frank always lead to arguments.And then told me if we have a kid I can’t avoid visiting his mom like I did this time,I would have to spend equal time for his mom and my parents.Stupid me answered that of course I can’t avoid the trip to his mom’s house since she would also like to see her grandchild but the number of days I spend there will depend on the way she will treat me.From there he just started on how we have to live in X town where his mom lives when we move to India.This was news to me because all he told was he can’t live separate from his mother but never told me we would be shifting to X town.Prior to marriage we both lived and worked in Y city and that’s were my parents live.X is a very small town,we both can’t find work there we would have to travel atleast 1 hour to another nearby city to go to work.Altogether it would take around 4 hrs to and fro from work everyday,plus I am not really looking forward to stay in his mom’s house.I was in shock and very angry that he made such important decisions with his mom without considering me so I told him abruptly that if this is the case then I will have to think about our relationship (i know I could have handled it better.)He got angry and I stood up & proceeded to go to avoid arguments,he pulled my hands roughly and told”You are so arrogant,you are leaving when I am talking.You better sit down or I will break your bones.”This was the first time he used such degrading language and I lost my temper,he started scolding my parents and I did the same.He held my neck (to stop me from talking it seems) and pushed me down the bed and beat me.This is the second time this is happening,first time(a year back) he really regretted it, so I just let go.I just shouted and told him that our relationship was over and I am talking to my parents about this.He coolly replied that I can do that,he’s not going to tremble and beg.He then proceeded to tell hurtful things like “why can’t my dad sponsor for my medical treatments(its nothing expensive,its just 30-40$ copay for doctor visit every 2-3 months),how he only has to do everything”,”if you want go back to India for 6 months,but ask your dad to sponsor the tickets,I can’t do like last time”,”I take my health issue very lightly,I won’t bother even if we have a child for 5 yrs(its not true,I do yoga everyday,follow strict diet & lost 30 pounds-weight I gained due to PCOS,getting my periods on time for the past 2 months,something which did not happen in 2 yrs)…and indirectly he conveyed that he’s suspicious that I hid the fact that I have PCOS before marriage(which is not true).
