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Mom!!

Discussion in 'Parents & Siblings' started by gamma50g, May 8, 2024.

  1. gamma50g

    gamma50g Gold IL'ite

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    It's been 8 years since my mom passed away. But the grief, pain and hurt still remains. I have a huge void that remains unfilled by kids or husband.

    I wish I had a mom's house to go and take a break. I wish I had her to share things I cannot share with anyone else. I wish I had mom who understood me and is always there for me no matter what.

    I just wish I had a mom who was just a call away to uplift my mood whenever I feel low. I want my mom to give me the sanest advice that a person would ever get.

    Does grief get better with time? For me, not much. Especially when things are tough, I miss having my mom around. At times I feel like I can't wait to go to the same place as she is and meet her because existing in this world without mom seems pointless.

    I feel so envious of people who are much older than me and have both their parents young and in good health. Life isn't fair. But whoever said it was....
     
  2. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan Finest Post Winner

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    Dear @gamma50g
    Reading Your post turns my eyes moist.
    In the heart of heart Every married lady whose mother is away to Heaven must be going through same feelings as emerged from your jotting here. You hv underscored how miserable it is to miss mom irrespective of our age. U hv brought home the best of the bond between mom & a daughter thanks to you.

    It could be even or equally true of menfolk who lost their mother late or recently or when they were young.
    I miss her at every turn of my day to day activities- it could be in the kitchen or in kitchen-garden or it could be some recipes or in worship slokams - trigger here and there.

    My mother was able almost till her expiry at 88 only due to complications after undergoing hip related surgery. She was a pillion rider during monsoon rain and it was Friday saraswathi pooja. She fell from scooter and broke her hip.

    She was known not only for her hobnobbing and camaraderie but best advisor and had been a walking encyclopaedia.

    Thanks that your post here flooded my memories with her from the days she carried me
    on her (slim frame ) hip ascending the Mysore CHAMUNDESWARI HILLS
    to
    worship "MA" Mahishsura Marthinee

    to the day till she lost her breath on the early morning of Boxer’s Day 15 years ago.

    My mother lives in the narration
    Ma, Me & Boxing Day
     
    Last edited: May 9, 2024
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  3. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan Finest Post Winner

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    Deleted being duplicate
     
  4. mangaii

    mangaii Finest Post Winner

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    @gamma50g
    I lost my dad 10 years back . I still haven't gotten over it. I will never do.
    I share the same feeling waiting for the day when i would meet him .
    He was there for me every time I needed him. His death was untimely.

    I went through bouts of depression episodes after his death. It took me quite some time to even figure out I was depressed. I couldn't process my grief, since there were other things which took time away from me. It took me long time to recognize that I never fully processed his death. I tried to fill the void by seeking comfort from other relationships including my SIL. Well that made things really worst. I realized this is something I should accept.

    I worked with therapist and read some books that were suggested but still there are days when I feel nothing matters to me.

    Only way for me to avoid depression is to keep myself busy. I cannot be free.

    Some of the things which helped me is to be part of spiritual group to calm my mind. I'm constantly learning something and practicing something. I have defined goal so anytime I feel like I'm going into rabbit hole, I will start thinking about my goal and working towards it. Finally sharing my struggles with my husband and kids so they are aware.

    I'm just broken inside who puts a brave face outside to keep moving in life. That is me. I was contemplating whether to respond or not, since my response won't be of any help to you. But somethings I would suggest is to find a therapist who can help process your feelings. I hope things get better for you.
     
  5. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra Finest Post Winner

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    @gamma50g,

    Please take a deep breath and relax for a few minutes. You can visualize your mother anytime as your mind is filled with great memories of her. She has been a trusted advisor, mom filled with a lot of love for her daughter, and a great healer of the mind for you. She would have left thinking about you so deeply and what would you do in her absence?

    If I were you, I would do the following:

    1) Make her feel comfortable that you are happy in your day to day life as it would make her feel sad to know that you are suffering. As you know, those who left not only see your actions but understand your thinking and therefore, it is imperative to feel good yourself.
    2) Remind yourself of all the healing touches and sound advices she gave you and relive those wonderful moments. Visualize her presence as and when you are feeling low and tell her that her presence makes you feel comfortable.
    3) There is nothing wrong in grieving for her loss however long it is, as it only shows your love for her. Your missing her presence is okay.
    4) Pray to her to give you courage to handle the situations at home and you will notice that her unseen hands helping you through every possible way. She may not be physically present but is always willing to help you in everyway possible. More you become stronger, she would be happy wherever she is.
     
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  6. wish4miracle

    wish4miracle Gold IL'ite

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    I am in same situation losing both of my parents in span of 6 months. Most of the time i think they are always with me. I refused to do poojas for them in amavasai because if i do so i feel like they are gone.

    I am doing things which keeps me in check.

    Sometimes the urge to call them and talk to them takes over and the inability to do it is making me sick physically. But I try to come out of it quickly thinking how small my kid is and how she would need me just like how we need our mom or dad even though we are grown ups. Will feel little better and come to sense after I think about my kid.

    I long for the days I got close to them and long for those when I got into argument with them. Stupid me dint realize at that time I am just living the best life with those both happy moments and bad moments. But thats life right. I am doing things right now which would have made them happy and proud.

    Sometimes I feel like they are in a world which is not far away from us and that i will soon reunite with them one day and its just a matter of time.

    Cry out loud if u feel bad. Its okay. Its kind of good to take off the accumulated grief through crying.

    Nothing can deny our love that we have for them. You do things which u and ur mom like to do it together. Westerners celebrate life of deceased and I like this idea and truly believe that they will be really happy to see us remember them in all possible ways and they are not forgotten.
     
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  7. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra Finest Post Winner

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    I am sorry for interrupting here. Please do puja on Amavasai days or at least anniversary thithi. If you are unable to do it, you can offer food to homeless or even feed a bird or an animal. Like you said later, celebrating their life is important. I am glad your children are helping you come to the real world when you are lost in thoughts about your parents. It is unfortunate you lost both of them in six months. In fact, when you shower your love for your children, you are already reflecting the love that was showered on you by your parents. As you rightly said, there is nothing wrong in grieving or even crying as it would help heal the pain of losing them.
     
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  8. wish4miracle

    wish4miracle Gold IL'ite

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    Yes sir, I understand the importance of amavasai thithi. I was doing it with amma and appa for my grandparents. It is also one way of remembering our loved ones by doing their fav dishes and praying to them.

    I was able to do it for grandparents, but couldn't able to see a lamp lit infront of their photos. I tried but its hurting so much sir. I will take ur advice starting offering food to homeless or animals. I hope one day I will be ready mentally enough to perform thithi every month. We do lakshmi pooja every year together but couldn't do it either. Dont know why.

    Sorry @gamma50g dint mean to take away ur post. Just wanted to say you are not alone, our loved ones will always be with us no matter where they are, just like if they live in india and we live in a different country our thoughts will be with each other.
     
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  9. gamma50g

    gamma50g Gold IL'ite

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    @wish4miracle I am so sorry to hear about your parents. I too feel on so many days that I would give anything to get back the lost time and just spend those extra moments with my mom.

    I understand you are still grieving. We each take our time and no time is too long to get over our parents demise. It just hurts awfully at times when I feel I need her and on occasions like her birthday and mother's day.
     
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