I am sorry to say this... But this comment is very rude. This is like rubbing salt on a wound. It will not do any good to the OP or any reader here. Let's try to be gentle with each other. Dear @EagerForInfo I understand that you are contemplating divorce, yet you have a lot of fear from within. This is preventing you from taking the first step. There must be several reasons behind your situation, which is not uncommon from our parts of the world. We have been brought up in a patriarchal society where women are taught to respect marriage above anything and divorce is a stigma. Especially divorce after kids is a strict no in many families; hence no one, including the parents won't support a woman who wants a divorce. When you are wired this way, it is understandably not easy to think out of the box. On the other hand, almost all of your threads suggest that you are depressed, anxious and unwell with heavy bleeding and perhaps a prolonged hormonal imbalance. Which is another reason for over thinking and unable to decide on something, which is already a complicated subject (divorce). You definitely need some support system to depend on, to lean on whenever you are tired and unable to do anything. You need a person to go to and confide all your problems. You need a back up, and someone to give you a back. For most married woman, their spouse naturally fills this place. For others, a friend or a family member be their support system. I had my mother's back when I was almost in your shoes a decade back. Same like you with an hormonal imbalance, unwanted heavy thoughts, anxious, over thinking while battling marital problems. Just that, my spouse wasn't abusive, but his parents were. So, I wasn't able to make any decisions though I was advised by almost every single person I met that time pushed me to divorce him. Staying in that marriage was complicated my health. Besides, the dysfunctional family wasn't adding any good to the kids - whom I was prioritizing whenever I made a decision. I discussed my problems with whomever I trusted back then just to vent out. Just to take the burden out from my chest, so that I could breath. But not everyone who heard my problems reacted as I expected. Some would advise me to divorce my H, despite of me not wanting to take that step. Some would blame me for the state I was in, insult my foolish decisions Some would gossip about my "in house crisis" outside and make fun of me Some would even suspect whether I was the real abuser, who camouflage a victims hat. (exactly the poster above mentioned. This is what prompt me to respond here). After a point, venting further depressed me, so I've decided to keep everything to self. But, believe me... Nothing improved, but the situation further damaged my health/mental status, which resulted in career downtime. That's when I happened to meet a priest, who gave me some valuable advice which changed my life for good. He asked me to forget about divorce if I do not ready for it. But asked to self-introspect for the reasons why I do not want it. You should be in a better place to decide what you want in life, and then convince others about your choices. It is like wearing the oxygen masks in the airplane before fixing the same on your child. My career was my oxygen that time. I focused on it religiously, which empowered me to the person who I am today. Which improved my decision making ability, and made me independent in life. Being successful also improved my social status and the relationship I had with my FOO and friends. My H is the same person today, but none of his behaviors disturb me as it disturbed in the past. Because all my problems were because of my expectation from my H based on what I heard/knew/and want rather than what he is. When I stopped expecting, rather accepting him as who he is, life changed for better. It has changed the way how my husband treats me today. Even today, my FOO and others advice that I should divorce this person, as he doesn't add any value to my life. But I will not, because I love being married and I love being together with this man. For whatever the reason, I just can't be happy without him and I know I will lose all the motivation to grow or even life if this man is not around me. When I said this in the past, no one cared about my feelings. They said I am being foolish. Today, they say I am a saint. And tomorrow, people will say something else. But I am who what I am, and I don't have to fit myself into someone's shoe just to be considered normal. I shared the above, just to give you assurance that you are not alone here. You are not reacting abnormal. You just do not fit in others' shoe which is considered a common size here. You are the best judge to your problem. We do not have the whole picture of your life! We do not know what kind of problems you or your kids may face after divorce. But I can tell you one thing for sure. You can improve yourself and grow further from where are you today. You can be self dependent, you can find a support system, you can be the queen of your own kingdom. You can work on your expectation and meet almost all your expectation without having to depend on your spouse. If that happens, you do not have to stuck at a place where you are not happy. You can work on your health and find therapy to whatever the emotional and mental health issues you are suffering right now (due to marital and hormonal issues). It is certainly better to be fit, independent and free of health complications. Focus all your energy on improving yourself, rather than finding answers to your husband's behavior or divorce. An improved person do not need a divorce to lead a better life. If at all you need it wholeheartedly, nothing will stop you from getting it. Therefore, focus on yourself better.