Where To Report Domestic Violence.

You can call the police and tell them you are scared, but you don't want to make a case.
Document the dates and times you call the police.

Do you have any American neighbors, co-workers? Convey the same info to them.

Eventually your situation will guide you. No one should compel you to make a case till you are ready and comfortable.

It is easy for outsiders to judge and tell you what to do.

It took me 8 to 10 incidents before I called the police.

Please be prepared for $h1t to hit the fan. You have kids to think about, I lost mine (due to miscarriage because of the abuse)

 

One time I was in Family Court and I saw a 21 year old make a case for his Mother who has been abused for years.

Think about it. How scary it must be for child to witness the abuse.

Again, do this at you and YOUR CHILDREN's comfort.

Be prepared to have many more enemies. But who is important, your enemies, or you and YOUR CHILDREN?

 

Cops are trained and they have guns

What does your husband have?

If he makes scene, this is proof to the cops and they will include in police report.

Ok here is what happened in my case (and in many cases)
1. Call the police
2. Police ask for you and your husband's ID
3. Police keep you PHYSICALLY SEPARATE from husband. Husband will be forced to leave premises.
4. Husband will lie, make scene, etc. Cops are trained for this nonsense. They will also see this is a Desi household. Cops told me get married to USA person because in India, they even say rape is ok. Seriously, that is what the cop told me.
5. Cop will tell you how to file a restraining order.
6. Then the next day you go to Family Court and show this restraining order

Believe me, Family Court is so much nicer to women and children, especially immigrant women.

If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be given to you.

This monster is more scary than all the educated Attorneys, Judges who are there to help you.

Of course your husband will have attorney too, and he will make fake accusations.


Are you more scared of fake accusations, or of getting harmed, etc, and your children having to see this.


Please take a deep breath and pray (because that is what I did, ESPECIALLY when the police came).

It is you and your children against everything and everyone else.

Don't let anyone pressure you, or shame you, or make you feel bad. They do not know your situation, they are not you.

 

Oh, and be ready to serve papers to your monster to come to court.

If you know where he works, and what time he works you can get local police department to help you. Else you need to find a "process server"


Lots to do, lots to think about. That's why I say
1. Take a deep breath
2. Pray
3. Expect more nastiness from the monster's side
4. Expect nastiness from your side
5. US Family Laws are on the woman's side
6. Your kids come first (if I was brave and smart, I would have called police early on, and maybe I wouldn't have had miscarriage)


Indians (in general) tend to say, "aw, that's ok, he will change, adjust yourself"

Americans (in general) tend to say, "what are you waiting for, just do it"

These are my observations.

 

Oh if you are in court (and you are taking your kids for some reason), make sure you have plenty of juices and snacks, activity books, etc on hand. Don't worry, they go through security screening when you enter the courtroom.

Also, pack toilet paper (because it runs out in public restrooms), and plenty of hand sanitizer

In other words, make this feel like an outing, a picnic to your kids (why traumatize them further)

Wait times are long, employees are overworked and understandably cranky

 

I am sorry for your situation. Call the emergency contact number of the Country you are living in. Sorry that I don't have more specific help.

But, I want to tell you, this is not the time you think about "I don't want this to happen/that to happen". You should be safe, that's your priority and ensuring that might stir up certain things in an unpleasant way. That's OK, really OK! "No matter what" is the respect you owe yourself right now.

 

Also, you can register on Forum.FreeAdvice.com and post your question

Include your State, citizenship status, country you are from. Those people are either lawyers or have more legal knowledge and can guide you.

 

You have to call 911.

If you call the police try to be polite and restrained in their presence. Try to control yourself. Don’t talk unnecessarily. Be professional and polite.

Your husband is extremely worldly. He knows how to behave in public. He is able to control himself. He can speak softly and still provoke you with soft words. You, on the other hand, have no filter. You fire up, flare up, bang the door, stamp your foot. Your husband knows you very, very well. He knows what to say to get what reaction from you.

When police come your husband will not make a scene. He will be very normal and try to show that you are the one who’s nuts. Police will ask proof. He will try to turn the tables on you with soft words intended to provoke you. And you will get provoked, flare up shout slam the door. Try to avoid this habitual behavior.

Since you know the police will ask for proof, where when and how, so try to keep those details and reasons in your mind and try to control yourself and speak softly to them. You can state that you feel in danger. That he threatened you. That is considered a good reason. Be clear what kind of assistance you are requesting, specifically what you want them to do. The clearer you are in your mind the easier for them to understand and give you the help you require. Think it through so you don’t have to change it later.

I’m telling all this because you are under lot of stress and while calling police may seem like a good idea make sure it doesn’t backfire.

Also for DV incidents, police are trained to be very sympathetic and supportive. That’s their job. Don’t feel emboldened by their presence to threaten your husband. Don’t say stupid things to him like ‘see now I will teach you a good lesson!’ in fact don’t speak directly to husband at all. A threat you make in the deputy’s presence carries more weight than a reported threat. Be very careful! good luck!