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Groom Richer Than Bride

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by shravs3, Jan 21, 2021.

  1. shravs3

    shravs3 IL Hall of Fame

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    I have a cousin(bride)who is getting married very soon. The grooms family is richer than the bride. My cousin is from a middle class who is living in a rented home.

    They were hesitant to accept the proposal due to the difference in the status. But since they were trying for quite some time they had to proceed further.

    Now her concern is after marriage whether if she and her parents will be respected by her in-laws and other family members.
    And obviously after marriage my cousin’s parents will have to attend their family functions and so on..
    So her worry is that her parents would not be able to afford expensive gifts and they may look down on her and her parents.

    After hearing this I too felt the same.

    But then I explained her that since the guys family know about my cousins status they had no issues with it and agreed for the marriage. I asked her not to worry much.

    But just like any girls parents my aunt and uncle are happy that my cousin would be entering a well settled family.

    Somewhere deep down I still wonder the intentions of the guys family.

    There are many cases were a guys family wants a girl who isn’t as rich as them only so that they want a sanskaari bahu and also who doesn’t have any say in anything.

    On the other hand there are some nice people who genuinely care and respect the DIL irrespective of the economic status.


    What’s your opinion on such marriages? Do you think the girl gets the respect and love from her inlaws ?
     
    Last edited: Jan 21, 2021
    KashmirFlower likes this.
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  2. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    It entirely depends on the nature of the people involved.
    My mother’s family was way, way better off than my mama’s wife’s family but my maternal grandparents always behaved very correctly with the “sambhandhis”. They only cared that she was from a good family.
    Another well-to-do relative married their daughter to a boy whose family was in a lower financial class, though the boy himself is earning well. They treat their in-law counterparts in a somewhat demeaning manner that is awkward to watch.
     
    Lalithambigai, Mistt, shravs3 and 2 others like this.
  3. Rihana

    Rihana IL Hall of Fame

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    It depends. I think it used to be that they want a sanskari and docile bahu. Now, the reasons are more often that they want educated and independent (earning) bahu's.

    If the young couple will be living just by themselves for the first 2-3 years, preferably in a different city than the guy's and woman's parents, then they will get the time to form a bond and figure out their relationship's dynamics.

    I had a similar albeit theoretical question a while back: Wedding - When One Side Spends More : )
     
    Lalithambigai, shravs3 and MalStrom like this.
  4. Hopikrishnan

    Hopikrishnan Gold IL'ite

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    "Boys must marry down; Girls must marry up"-- is the tradition in Indian arranged marriages. Only in movies, a poor autorikshaw-wallah would sing love duets with a rich man's daughter, and he will fight goonda's hired by the rich man, and eventually marry.
    The reason the girl is married up (wealthier than birth family) is to enable her to have a subservient life in a collective household, and not be able to "talk uppity" about the good things she had left behind. The sanskaari bahu by design.

    One easy workaround for this is for the bahu to be absent from the collective family home during office hours. Housewifing in a collective family would indeed force the girl to lose her sharp edges and become a different character.
     
    shravs3 likes this.
  5. DDream

    DDream Finest Post Winner

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    A background check on the groom won't hurt. I think it should be done well if you have doubts on their intentions. Also, ask her what she wants. Its her life,she has to decide. Is he educated/ employed with good character and health? What's her plan? Is she working now and would like to work. Is she going to live with in laws? Are they nice people? If she is uncomfortable in anyway, its better not to proceed.
     
    shravs3 and KashmirFlower like this.
  6. Anusha2917

    Anusha2917 IL Hall of Fame

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    :) reminded me of my situation many years back how I said a stern NO to a Rich groom settled in Canada with his own company . Apparently they had/have 6 houses in a metro city in India and when their parents questioned us how many we have It was a trigger point for me to say a no. Well that's just me and I haven't had a second thought about my NO..
    There's nothing which can be predicted at this point of time regarding how things will turn out.
    You have written both the points correctly.

    Desperation of getting the daughter married may lead to conflicts in Future. This shouldn't be the deciding factor in any marriage .
    True.. Every parents' dream.
    If a girl is respected and loved from in laws for the financial status her dad has then it's not worth it. She has to be respected for her individuality.
    Irrespective of the financial status of the groom she may want to make a career to keep herself occupied or To follow her passion or to help her parents to buy that own dream house or simply because she feels a job would give her the independence She wants. Or she can simply choose to be a sanskari bahu. Whatever her choice is she deserves to be respected n loved by in Laws.

    Good luck and all happiness to your cousin. :)
     
    shravs3 likes this.
  7. Needtobestrong

    Needtobestrong Platinum IL'ite

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    To some extent grooms always want bride from good family and good financial status equivalent or above..it’s a prestige issue so that they can say our DIL is from so and so family, and to get a grand wedding and gifts etc also...
    But depends on individual thinking...
    Mine and in laws family are equivalent in family background, religious background, financial background, we have grown in middle class setup and have middle class values,.. we have common relatives and friends, we move in same circles..still on many occasions me and my family of origin haven’t got respect from in laws and suffered insults just the same..
    Financial background may not matter if there are other conflicts..
    Also do a background check, and find reason..
    One of my friend got married to a very good and rich family, her mother is a single mother who couldn’t afford much...but my friend is very well educated and was in good job..she is a very good person, ver bubbly, adjusting, accommodating and respectful to elders and sweet person..she looks good though overweight..
    She is actually very mature and genuinely nice girl whom we all liked being friends with..her in laws liked her for her qualities as they wanted a good and well educated girl who will adjust in joint family...she is leading a good and luxurious life with her husband who is very handsome and earns well..her children study in top schools...
    I’m happy for her as her financial background didn’t matter and she got a good family deserving of her...
     
    shravs3 and KashmirFlower like this.
  8. shravs3

    shravs3 IL Hall of Fame

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    Yes I heard that’s what the guys family want.
     
    MalStrom likes this.
  9. shravs3

    shravs3 IL Hall of Fame

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    She is not working and will be staying with in-laws after marriage. So hopefully things are good.

    Isn’t it that usually the brides family spends more on wedding :blush:
     
  10. shravs3

    shravs3 IL Hall of Fame

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    True but according to those age old traditions, the bride is expected to give dowry.

    Although it’s illegal now but still the guy usually chooses someone who gives plenty of gold, property etc etc
     
    chanchitra and MalStrom like this.

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