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Wife Becoming Neighbourhood For Husband

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Reesha, Apr 16, 2019.

  1. Reesha

    Reesha Silver IL'ite

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    hi all,
    please go through Husband Without Values - How To Manage? before this post.

    hear i need opinions. due to my unchanged husband behaviour(latest Sravan kumara) and my mother-in-laws acting, finally i decided to be separate from them. but i dont want to spoil my kids(5 yr & infant) child hood . so luckily apartment side by of my husband house got vacant. due to water problem, most of families got vacated from there. hear is my plan

    1. i can bare rent and maintenance of that 1 bhk flat. so taking it.
    2. hiring full time live in care taker for my kids and allotting that 1bhk bed room for her.
    3. planning to do freelancing job in that flat(hall) with office setup when she is taking care of my 4 month old beside me. 5 yr old running in between houses.
    4. big warning to husband about his get out talks and his parents acts. firmly saying that just because of kids i am staying near by.
    5. finally no more SEX, no more house/cook management until he down his head about happened things:tonguewink:. ofcourse for kids, i need to stay at husband house in nights and during their food preparation time.

    its kind of escaping from issues and trying to live my life along with privacy.kids play and shoutes are really disturbing my work. so my plan may give some peaceful work environment for me with out hurting their play zone in husband house.

    any comments?
     
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  2. rachaputi

    rachaputi Platinum IL'ite

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    Other than financial management, I don't see any speration here..
     
    Last edited: Apr 16, 2019
    shravs3 and SinghManisha like this.
  3. SinghManisha

    SinghManisha Gold IL'ite

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    Sounds like a good plan !
     
  4. Rihana

    Rihana Finest Post Winner

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    As long as you can stick it out till your conditions are met. If you have to abandon the plan half-way through due to some reason like 5 yr old, baby, society, your parents.... then your in-laws will never stop gloating at your inglorious return.

    But before you move out of your house and deal with the hassle of setting up another house, try to introspect a little on why you have gone from metaphorical rags to riches and back to rags?

    What happened to the woman who wrote this: How My 6 Hours/day Work Changed My Husband View & Life Style
     
    shravs3, Afresh, fathan and 2 others like this.
  5. Reesha

    Reesha Silver IL'ite

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    i can not do seperation like divorcee because he is not much that bad guy who will torture their wife like eating mind and beating so on. financially also he is flexible. simply problem is he is loving his parents more and not loving me same as. in process of securing them, he is loosing his mind.
     
  6. rachaputi

    rachaputi Platinum IL'ite

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    You are allowing your kid to play
    Staying near by Infront of his eyes
    Just no physical contact.
    Don't he get feeling that, 'where she can go and what she can do other than this'??
     
  7. SinghManisha

    SinghManisha Gold IL'ite

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    The kids need to be near the father and he has to be involved in their day to day lives. The only scenario where a father should be separated from the child is if he harms them. This is not the case here. The discord here is purely marital in nature , why should the kids be a part of this?

     
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  8. Reesha

    Reesha Silver IL'ite

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    wow..:clap2: @Rihana thank you so much for remembering back my enthusiastic post. i think i need to bookmark it. but that situation is different from now. i left my 1.5 old kid with nanny and gone to regular job. due to it i faced some negative result too in case of kid.

    1. nanny and in-laws have given what ever kid demands and no control on his behaviour. he became very cranky and demanding.
    2. if he rejects food, they are leaving. they are complaining at end of day to me. so kid became under weight.
    3. day time nanny is taking too much leaves because she understood my compulsory need.
    4. due to distance factor from office 2-3 hr journey became hectic. i lost my energy when i am coming back to home and unable to teach kid. he is going to upper classes in next years. so i have to concentrate on him.
    5. my first kid had bad eczma and it requires continuous monitored treatment like 4 time cream appliances, wet wrapping so on...
    5. now i have 2nd kid too who needs me a lot, so planning this way. how i can leave 2 kids to care takers based on non supportive in-laws.

    this freelancing is 3-5 yr plan until my kids able to mange themselves. i dont want spoil my second kid child hood like first one.at he had missed me and got behavioral cum recurring health issues. i may join again for regular job after some years because i dont want miss my social life.

    finally only earning will secure me from my husbands nature.he will afraid if i am earning. thats what i observed.
     
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  9. Reesha

    Reesha Silver IL'ite

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    @SinghManisha thanks you have given my mind answer
     
  10. lukywife

    lukywife Gold IL'ite

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    You are just trying to seek his attention by staying closer. If I were you, I would calmly leave with my kids stating in a letter how ungrateful he and his parents have been. I would write sponsoring money doesn’t make someone a husband, being empathetic about health of wife makes a good husband. I would write a non emotional letter and leave the place until I see a change. Your kids are seeing a father who disrespects the mother. It’s not a healthy environment as you think. Good dads should first respect their wife. Show that you are a strong independent person. But don’t do drama. Just leave the place and stay in a place if possible in a different city. Work hard and be financially independent. During the alone time, read some philosophical books and contemplate. Forgive. Grow stronger.
     
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