How To Tell My Brother

OP...short answer. u cannot do much.
Here is a post from an old poster. It hits the nail on the head. In most homes the social calendar is maintained by the lady of the house. I can tell u from my own experience how easy it is to 'forget' birthdays /annivs /or schedule get togethers with DHs side. As the years go by the involvement becomes less and less unless the guy takes the initiative. Some men do but most dont.
The best way I think is to let go. The desire to keep in touch with siblings or parents has to come from within. Its hard I understand but the harder u try the more u will distance urself. Enjoy the time with ur sister and her fiancé.

 

A son carrying the family surname , getting family inheritance does not automatically make him responsible for the family. A lesson to be learnt here is that the inheritance should be divided equally amongst all the children, irrespective of their gender. Sometimes men have to be told what to do, so give him specific tasks with specific deadlines. Your parents have to do that if they are the ones running around.

 

75 + hmm that is insensitive. I understand where u are coming from. It is frustrating. Talk to ur mom and list out the pending tasks see if u can handle things from here . Most of the catering /booking function halls etc can be done these days through whatsapp/online. U will be surprised how tech savvy some of the priests are. Yes some of things will require personal visits ..may be ur sister and her fiancé can handle that? I know its not the norm..but if her fiancé is an extrovert he might enjoy this time together with ur sister and ur family.
In short ...discount ur brothers help and involvement completely.

Responsibilities sadly do not always match inheritance rights. If its not too late..I think ur parents should rework the will so they are well provided for in their old age. Let them not make any assumptions.

 

OP, let me tell you from my point of view as I married a guy who has an elder and younger sister. If you want your brother to see to the responsibilities of your family, Have a talk with your brother and SIL and explain them. Make sure you include her in the talk because as the person before said , the lady runs the house everywhere. So if you really want your brother to change then your SIL is the girl who can help you now.

I get the feeling that you are happy with your SIL and accepted her as a person into your family. So let her be involved and tell them you two are the ones who has to take care of things now. Even if your SIL had any problems with whatever happened in past, she would definitely reconsider and will try to talk to your brother and make him understand the responsibility he needs to take care of.You can try that and I hope that willl bring a change in your brother's behavior for sure.

 

Ask your parents to stop financing him and to save their money for their own needs. At this point, it doesn't look like he will care for them when they need him most.

Your brother does not sound malicious, he sounds immature and thoughtless. He needs a bit of tough love. You can't provide that from here; it's up to your parents and sister to stop catering to his needs and help him grow up some.

This might do the trick. Ask your parents to give him a list of things to do. Taking on responsibilities and chores will help him, too.

Don't try to lecture him yourself from here. It never goes down well when phoren family members try to solve problems in India. People get resentful and understandably so.

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Living so far away, I dont think you can do anything to change your brother. If your parents are financially well off and can afford to outsource all the wedding arrangements to an event management company, please suggest them to do it. If not, if your sister is working, let her handle her wedding arrangements and expenses.

But then, your parents should be willing to have a conversation with your brother and let him know that he cannot continue to be a burden on your parents forever. He should take care of them or he doesnt get a share in your parents property. You cannot do much here.

 

Op,
Your brother seems to be a spoilt kid and a pampered one. Did ur parents give him or teach him responsibilities while growing up? If no, then he cant suddenly change. He was under umbrella of parents and now under his wife. He is comfortable where he is.
Also, being a guy or male child wont entitle him to taking all the responsibilities. In this generation of equality, all the kids need to pitch in. What are u and ur sis doing in helping ur parents? Instead of blaming, go to india early and help ur parents.
Also, i dont think u whole heartedly accepted ur sil. More than half of ur post talks abt how ur bro is favoring sil.