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How To Set Boundaries With Bil Family

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by SimplelLife, Jul 3, 2019.

  1. Jul 3, 2019 #1
    SimplelLife

    SimplelLife Silver IL'ite

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    Hi everyone..
    As I Mentioned in my earlier post my Bil is a selfish and self centered person , he don’t care anything as long as his purpose is solved. I don’t have any phone calling relation with him but we talk when we meet. About my co sis.. she is extremely jealous and competitive complaining And selfish. We don’t share a good relation.. she talk with me when she need to rent about mil . You cAn get an idea about my relation with her in this thread How Should I Behave

    When mil was at her place for her delivery they used her like a maid still she had complains for mil. Now bil and family is moved somewhere around where we live. He will be visiting here for every other week for a week for next 2 months since this is the mode of his job and he will not be having any home until then . It already made me irritated. But then I thought it’s ok if he alone coming here for 4-5 weeks. I can’t tolerate his wife. I am 100% sure they will keep this trend ones his wife and baby joins him to taking rest here at the name of family time. He himself don’t do anything at home so they will be here to get help with baby. They made my precious pregnancy time a privilege to get together with my in laws and it was me who suffered a lot. My husband have no job here.. he will be silent and leave support he can’t even tolerate if I even share something with him. Actually I feel here main culprit is my husband. Few days backs he screamed at me because I was telling him something about co sis. He wants to get goody point at my suffering. My whole pregnancy and postpartum was all about this behavior. This time I don’t want to be fooled around but at the same time I want to be diplomatic and I dont have this trait. please guide me. If things going smooth it’s ok if not what should I do. Earlier I used to take things till possible then when I couldn’t I feel it only affected me only .. no one actually care... the moment they will get out they will point about me .. the moment dh would get a chance he will group against me with his folks.. so do t want to give them a chance to taking me for granted.. please guide me... I am feeling very low.. it feels like it will never end .
     
    SimplelLife, Jul 3, 2019
    SimplelLife, Jul 3, 2019
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  2. Jul 10, 2019 #2
    Angela123

    Angela123 Gold IL'ite

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    Since it looks like your husband is not supportive of you at all, do not tell anything about his family to him.
    Also, when bil and sil or other people are around, have your husband help you. Ask him in advance if he would be able to help. For example, say" you know since bil and family are here tomorrow, will you be able to help me with some cooking and also doing dishes". I don't know if your problem is about tackling house chores or things like that. It is not clear. If it is gossiping and people talking behind your back, you can ignore it. Fighting back and yelling will not do any good. But if they really destroy your peace, let them know nicely that you are not happy with the behavior. Also, Ask your husband to spend some alone time together with you, and kid. I felt like all the grudge and irritations goes away when husband and wife spend some quality time together. It could be just 5 minutes a day, with out any distractions. Try to get him on your side. Also, it is not clear if your bil disrespects you or just stay in your home for prolonged period of time.
    Since you cannot avoid the bil coming to your house, see if you can come up with something to reduce the uneasiness. If it is not at all doable, may you can come up with some ideas to stay away from home for couple hours. Like going for a manicure, or some new class or visit a library, take your kid to play ground or shopping (even grocery shopping, when you come home ask if you can get help to put those away, but bring something small to appreciate the help). Also don't work you back off for the people who are staying in your home for so long. they should share the responsibilities too.

    Not sure if this helped! Good luck!
     
    Angela123, Jul 10, 2019
    Angela123, Jul 10, 2019
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