Zapped out...

OP: it's pretty common in American households where the DIL and MIL don't have an early click that they have a faceoff (or several) to settle turf battles. Kind of like wildlife setting up territories. Well, a warning...if you get all soft and apologetic and grovelling now you have had it for the rest of your married life. Stand your ground. When the territories get settled, then you can get on better terms with the MIL. The American men who are involved in these battlegrounds also know that if they don't support their wives, they will have to say goodbye to edible meals, clean clothes, any dialogues other than snarls from their wives, and of course sex.

 

We all come into this world alone and leave it alone and it is just delusion that we don't live it alone.

 

All this stupid schemes about buying a house and paying mortgage out of rent money dont work okay? They look good only on paper. You have to deal with so many headaches. You have to first get a good house at a good price and good location so other people will want to live in it. Such houses often have multiple bids and sell far above market price. This is first point where you will take a loss. Then get a good tenant with good credit history, who will pay the rent properly on time. Finding such a person is very hard nowadays. You will have to hire agencies to do background checks and what not. Nowadays it is renters market so your monthly mortgage payment will not be fully covered by the monthly rent. This is where you will again incur a loss as you will pay shortfall to bank out of your pocket monthly. Even if you manage to cross all these hurdles every week or so your tenants will break something and as the landlord you are responsible for getting it fixed. Then you have to pay the service people to go there and fix the things. Another loss. In US being a landlord is a huge hassle. Esp in this down market it is a huge liability. Trust me I know what I am talking about. Dont jump into real estate in US esp now where at every step you will take a loss. Plus with gold price gone up so much your gold is best investment in its present form.

You are within your rights to refuse to give the gold. Doesnt look like you people are in a dire financial emergency by any means. Your MIL is trying to turn it into an ego issue so be careful. Just avoid the topic as much as possible and if pushed to a corner refuse completely.

If he is behaving nice with you let it go for now but be on guard (like you said you are) because looks like your h takes easy way out and avoids conflict as far as possible.

Gold given by parents has its own sentiment and cannot be replaced.

 

I have said it before and I will say it again, sweeter words cut into more depth. I feel your husband agreed or acknowledged his mom, to avoid further argument ( as you said that last one already went for 4 hours). Once he is alone with you in your room, talk to him nicely and with love about the future child and if he really sees you selling jewellery that means loads to you for its sentimental value. Don't fight with him. I think he understands your point but finds hmself unable to fight his mom. A lot of indian men find themselves sandwiched between the family they have known their whole life and the new family that they acquire and love. I think nothing will happen after this. If it does, ask them that since you are considered responsible for your own expenses, does it mean that your future salary is provided to be philandered on your own with no accountabili to family. For a doctor, its a lot.
Thats it. Dont indulge her in further discussions. You are done, walk out and go somewhere else in the house.
You stood your ground and did the correct thing, there is absolutely nothing to regret. It will be in your benefit to get up the next morning and be normal and not play into tensin caused the last day. This will make your husband feel that this was a passing mment and any further discussion from his mother as strectcing it unnecsaarily. And the fact that you dont disrespect her but you really were hurt from her comment.

 

I don't know if you have figured out already how you have ruined your MIL's plans. Your DH was brought to this world for a purpose and that was to look after his parents and provide for his sisters, then they married him to an educated professional with the prospect of high earnings so that she could spend his son's money on her daughters . But you had the fertility issue- that's what she hadn't planned for.tsk so she is frustrated.
I wonder if your altercation with MIL will change anything at all. IMO, it's not worth it at all. Since, your DH has denied saying anything about gold, you have to let it go, unless you recorded the conversation, (because he can just go on denying it). My guess is he said it because of pressure from his mother or may be he realised that what he said was wrong but doesn't want to admit it. Ask him if he could loan you the money for treatment and you will return it when you get the job.
BTW, congratulations on clearing your exams. You will land up a job soon. Meanwhile, enjoy your holidays with your DH, take lots of pictures and make sure you show them to your MIL. :thumbsup

 

Doctor in the US? You will start to MINT money in a few years. See how nice your mil will turn once you finish your residency. Remember op, don't spend a PENNY of your income on his sisters. Also, you must learn to control the purse strings of your family. Your family = you and your husband (and your future kids). You both will allocate certain sum of money for 'gifts' to both sides of the family and will stick to it. When you earn more, you both can be generous, but it MUST be equal on both sides.

You know what, from experience let me tell you, when we moved to the US, we used to spend money for expenses at random from both accounts. As in one of us would just pay....it was mostly me since I did the grocery shopping and managed bills etc. so my account always had less money. Dh kind of started to believe that he had plenty of money and would find demands for expensive gifts perfectly reasonable. It took me a year or so to plan, brainwash and implement this idea. All my salary will be our savings - for a house deposit, for kids education , our retirement etc. I put aside 10lakhs in a fd in India for parents emergency expenses (for both sides). Now the situation is, I took out a credit card from DHs account and use it for everything. EVERYTHING! He is left with very little money at the end of the month. So he knows we can't afford expensive gifts. Initially he would get frustrated since his family would get pissed off that he is not blowing money on them.i used o tell him 'see, I am sending my child to day care and going to work because i want to save for our future. If you want to blow up money on gifts to ppl, I will quit my job and focus on raising my child"

So all our day to day living expenses, vacations, gifts, lifesytle, entertainment etc, everything comes out from DHs account.

Sorry my advise may not help you immediately, but it's not too early to set expectations in your husbands mind correctly.

 

Pooja, such MILs need a punch back in their face and am glad u stood for yourself.

Since you're into medical field.. pls try to find of touts in import/export of organs for politicians and black trade businessmen in dire need of lil hearts, big stomach, perfect lungs to YELL and fight , peanut sized brain still overworking to turn moles into mountains... we can send them the vital stats of our MIL.. :rotfl am sure they'll be having a BIG market