Your opinions please!

Venba · Jul 1, 2010

Couple of months ago my H and I had a conversation/argument about having my parents listed as dependents under our tax return. My parents have been visiting me and my siblings almost every year for a few months. My married sis who is a citizen had sponsored for their Green Card and they had it even before I was married. And she takes care of all the legal/tax stuff for them.So she also claims them as their dependents for the past 5-6 years.
My parents spent almost 4 months with me last year as they were here to help with my delivery. Apr 2010 my husband wanted to list them as dependents so he could get the deduction. But, I was not for it. He was so upset with it. He says that they did stay with us for 6+ months and I have the legal eligibility to claim them as dependents and why shouldn't I. He thinks that I am not for it as I do not want to talk to my sister about this and I want to let them have the benefit. He also said that if he gets the deduction he will be happy to spend for them.(By spending he just refers to food expenses. My parents take care of everything else by themselves including tickets).
He says "Why do I have to spend for them". And he will be more than happy to have his parents here and spend for them, than to have my parents here. I have never stopped him from having his parents here, they don't come here due to their personal commitments back in India.
The actual reason that I did not want to claim them as dependents is because I did not like the idea that I can have them here at my home only if they brought some monetary value. And I felt that it would make them feel bad as well if I say"You stayed with us for 6 months so we have the eligibility to file you as dependents and I want to do so".
I tried explaining this to my husband, but he would not get my point but only thinks that I wanted to give my sister the benefit. Anyways, we did not file them as dependents and he says you will do anything for your family but not what I say.
As more and more issues keep coming up about family I'm wondering if what I did was right/wrong? Your opinions please.

bharathreddis · Jul 1, 2010

Hey,,
Let me ask u onething if both, u and ur sis keep as ur parents are dependent wat is the prob for u? Both will be getting the benifits na??

Ranchu · Jul 1, 2010

Venba,

I understand your situation. Its complicated arguing with your DH on this. He may not understand why are you saying no to this.

One suggestion I can think of is : why dont you talk to your sister casually asking for legal suggestion. Since she has been here for a longer duration, it may be easy for you to strike up a conversation with her. Ask her this : should you be declaring your parents as dependents due to their long stay this yr ? should you do this legally.

for this your sister may say no its not required am doing it, or she can say y not , you can declare this year.

It will give you some back up info to discuss with your DH. if he still doesnt understand, ask him this : will he bear the Ticket expenses next time during their travel if you allow him to declare your parents as dependents . See whats his reply.

blessed · Jul 1, 2010

Dear Venba,

I can understand ur situtation,

My parents spent almost 4 months with me last year as they were here to help with my delivery
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c here they have come on the sole purpose to help, and if you quote them as dependents they may def.feel bad thinking you are making use of them.

He says "Why do I have to spend for them".
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This is not at all fair on his part, just spending for their food does not mean he is spending his entire earning on them, more over they are here for a purpose.

Please explain him about how u feel and just for some simple tax benefits dont spoil life time relationships

Priya16 · Jul 1, 2010

Venba,

Initial years are tough and it's very difficult to understand each othere.I don't blame your husband because there is no way he can understand your point.
As sone one said,it's better to discuss with your sister and see what she says about it or your mother.For claiming,does she need any signature from your parents.I have multiple time visitors here(My parents and MIL) but never claimed anything.So I don't know details of it.You need to get more information from your sister and from now don't fight with your husband unnessary becuase that will spoil relationship between your husband and parents.See what you can do diplomatically.If somethings are not bothering anything(in this case your sister and your parents) then let your husband do wahtever he wanted.
But next time if your paretns coming for your work then make sure you arrange the tickets.I don't know the financial stability of your parents though.

ArchanaP · Jul 1, 2010

Venba,

You are absolutely right. No doubt about it. Relationships are not meant for monetary benefits. I have come across couple who plan and give birth to their child so that they can claim the taxes for that year. Hopefully your husband will gain his right senses.

Venba · Jul 16, 2010

Thanks you all for your responses. This time tax season is over and I somehow got over this discussion. Hopefully, I don't get into this kind of sensitive topics in future. And may be will have to discuss it upfront with my husband if I forsee something like this coming up and work accordingly.

madeinengland · Jul 16, 2010

Venba,

I think it is reasonable to claim for your parents if they have stayed with you for more than half the year. It's not a case of using your parents for money, it's a case of using the tax and legal system there to your family's advantage.

If you and your sister can both claim without any problems then you should not have had any argument with your husband over this. If only one of you is allowed to claim, then how about your sister claims one parent on hers and you claim the other parent on yours? Or if you can claim only for the number of months they have stayed with you then you should do that. You should definitely have talked to your sister and see if she was agreeable to claiming only one of the parents on your tax return, there is no need to get your parents involved if she is handling all the leagal/tax affairs. If your sister said no then that would be the end of the matter but I'm sure if she is a reasonable person she would have understood.

On the other hand, if your parents had stayed with your sister for most of the year and with you only for a few months then I think it would be an unreasonable demand from your husband to put them on the tax return.

If you are a hindu family, you can explain to your husband that serving food is an act for God and should be done selflessly. Even if someone I didn't know came to my door and asked for food then I would give at least something small without asking so why shouldn't you do it for your parents? They have fed you and clothed you and educated you for all these years and they were staying to help with your baby. If you had paid someone from outside to do this for you it would have cost a lot more than food expenses.

I think part of the problem is that your husband views the money as "His" money and not "our" money because he is the only one working. Am I right? And he probably has the old fashioned idea that only sons are responsible for the parents so you should not have any duty towards yours.

Venba · Jul 17, 2010

madeinengland,

I don't think my husband has an issue in general about small expenses or providing food to somebody. The emphasis here is about MY parents. The whole issue is about, he not being able to have his parents with him while I'm able to do that. This frustration comes out in different forms.
And to answer your question about my work status. I have been working all through except for a break when my baby was born. And I also make considerably more than him(This is just to answer your question and rule out anything related to money and we have no issues reg this).