Younger sister's marriage

dk31 · Apr 16, 2015

Hi all,

My sister and I recently lost my father. I am 31 and will be married soon by an alliance my father was aware of. I have a younger sister who is 27 and is not willing to take up the responsibility of marriage. she has no valid reason to not take this step. Our family is very open minded and liberal, We are extremely well educated and so is my sister. She is very stubborn and my mother and I are not able to make her understand to take this step. After marriage, I will be moving out of the country. I do not want my mother to be worried and do all the the running around for my sister's marriage. I will be home 6 months before my marriage and during this time I want make my sister understand. We have tried making her understand in very mature discussions, she doesn't listen to us or just walks away from the discussion. I feel the weight of responsibilities on my shoulder as the older daughter of the house and it is my responsibility to help my mother in this. I try to ask my mother to be positive (since my dad's passing away), but my sister's stubborn-ness is of no help. I hope some elders will be able to help me out. Thank you! Any help is much appreciated!

hema_alex · Apr 16, 2015

I do understand your concerns, being the eldest in the family, you want to ensure that your sister's life is quite settled as well. However there may be a possibility that your sister does not want to marry right away since as you mentioned yourself, you both recently lost your father. She may have some legitimate concerns involving your mom, how she is going to handle herself all alone, etc...

Try talking to her in this angle, and if this is the reason for her hesitance, convince her accordingly.

All the best.

dk31 · Apr 22, 2015

Hello,

You're right. She is worried abt my mother living alone and by herself.
It is also true that after my father's passing away, I would assume she will be more responsible. My mum, my sister and I decided to part work equally between us at home, whether it is regular household work like doing dishes and feeding cats or if it is paperwork for banks and the rest. But my sister has not been helping around even in the regular work. I would have considered her worry genuine of she would lent a helping hand to my mother in everyday activities. My sister comes back really late from work and her work is stressful, I will give her the benefit of doubt during the week. But in weekends she can help my mum. My mother works too, she is an editor is a very reputed educational institution and she could do with some help. Since I live away from the country, I can't help much. But I have decided to go back to India only to be able to help my mother. I wish my sister would be more responsible and could own her responsibility. How can I make her realise this?

indubalram · Apr 22, 2015

I think you should give her the space to think. The more you are going to force it would turn out to be worst. She will never be happy when married. So just leave her alone for now. You keep looking for alliance and if something comes on good than try talking to her otherwise just leave her alone for time being.

dk31 · Apr 22, 2015

indubalram said: ↑

I think you should give her the space to think. The more you are going to force it would turn out to be worst. She will never be happy when married. So just leave her alone for now. You keep looking for alliance and if something comes on good than try talking to her otherwise just leave her alone for time being.
Click to expand...

Yes, we think the same too. For about 2 months, we have not spoken abt her marriage nor her involvement in other household activities. We have just decided to give it a break. We hope that it works out for the best.
Having said that, how long can we take this 'break'? As I mentioned in my previous msg, I am the oldest daughter in my family and I will get married soon and leave the country. This was the case even before my father's passing away. If she decides to get married later, my mother will have to run around looking for grooms all by herself, I would have liked be of help to my mother. I will be at home for about 8 months and would like to help my mum as much as possible.

indubalram · Apr 22, 2015

dk31 said: ↑

Yes, we think the same too. For about 2 months, we have not spoken abt her marriage nor her involvement in other household activities. We have just decided to give it a break. We hope that it works out for the best.
Having said that, how long can we take this 'break'? As I mentioned in my previous msg, I am the oldest daughter in my family and I will get married soon and leave the country. This was the case even before my father's passing away. If she decides to get married later, my mother will have to run around looking for grooms all by herself, I would have liked be of help to my mother. I will be at home for about 8 months and would like to help my mum as much as possible.
Click to expand...

Yes I understand but your sister cannot get married just because of this reason. Giver her space and if your mom has run around maybe something else will crop up. Just be happy and enjoy your marriage preparations. Take your sisters help as well. seeing you married and happy maybe she will feel for the same. Who know that could change her mind. Lets hope for good.

dk31 · Apr 22, 2015

We are hoping for this. Thanks. She is excited and is involved in my wedding matters, which is good. We will hope for the best.

Ragini25 · Apr 22, 2015

Marriage is an individual decision. People can give her suggestions and advice (to a LIMITED extent). At the end of the day - If she wants she will marry. If she doesnt she wont. As an adult, it is her own individual decision in life.

yellowmango · Apr 27, 2015

Op...firstly....keep a maid for doing basic things at home.If three of you are working...a maid is a necessity.

Your sister is not a child. She may have her own reason to not want to get married now.She can't marry because you have time.

Ask her if you and your mom should be looking around for a match.

In case she does find someone she wants to marry later....will she be able to take on the responsibility herself....or settle for a simple wedding that won't stress out your mother.

You are getting married soon.Keep a detailed account of the preparations with addresses and phone numbers of everyone and everything involved.....like a wedding book.Also keep a detailed account of the finances involved. That will help .

pear · Apr 29, 2015

Dear op,

You cant decide the time of marriage for your sis.And its not going to be easy for your mom to cope up with an empty nest(very much near your dads loss).May be your sister wanted to wait for sometime before the next major change in her life.Nagging her to get married is not going to be of much use.As your marriage age is 31 she may even have felt she is too young to get married.

Relax dear ,there is no assurance that you would be able to finalize a groom for her with in 6 months.Like YM suggested keep tab of all details of the wedding preparation to make it easier for you to do it for your sis.In our house we maintain a book to record the list of invitiees and add extra numbers for every wedding that takes place.The gift list also get recorded after every wedding in the same book;-).

Enjoy your last of your single life stress free.

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