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You are not getting married to me only , you are getting married to my whole family

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by mohini16, Jan 10, 2013.

  1. fencesitter

    fencesitter Platinum IL'ite

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    Re: You are not getting married to me only , you are getting married to my whole fami

    many boys and girls write in their matrimonial profile that, marriage is a union of two families.
     
  2. Absum

    Absum Silver IL'ite

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    Re: You are not getting married to me only , you are getting married to my whole fami

    Ideally, it should be. But judging from a lot of the problems presented on these threads by women, this "union" more often takes the form of subjugation of the woman into the man's family.

    So, I guess the question Mohini should be asking, is whether HER family gets to control her prospective husband's weight gain or loss as soon as it starts to bother them.

    If it is not a two-way street, then Mohini should prepare herself for a life governed by the famous (notorious?) advice given here on IL of "adjusting, adjusting, and more adjusting". And if that is her cup of tea, then I say go for it.

    If not, then the search should continue, preferably this time with slightly altered parameters. We can't necessarily change anything or anyone out there, but we can decide what we will and won't stand for, and adjust our actions accordingly.
     
  3. ppriya182010

    ppriya182010 Gold IL'ite

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    Re: You are not getting married to me only , you are getting married to my whole fami

    Hi Mohini,

    If you want to marry an Indian guy, you are marrying to his entire family. This is practical truth, whether the guy says it out loud or not, whether many girls accept or not. Unless you marry an orphan Indian guy. Whether love or arranged marriage, its all the same after marriage.

    You said you are talking to him for the past 4 months. But then in 4 months you cant understand a person. Any guy/girl will be at their best during courtship period. Meet him in person, his family and let your parents talk to his parents, do some background chk just like in any other arranged marriage. Atleast similar caste, similar customs, similar language makes it easier to live together. Make sure he respects your parents and understands your love/responsibility towards your parents.

    Thirumanam Sorgathil Nichaiyikka Padum! (Marriages are made in Heaven!)
     
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  4. saipavani123

    saipavani123 Silver IL'ite

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    Re: You are not getting married to me only , you are getting married to my whole fami

    [JUSTIFY]I hope in the next generation where we are mothers and MIL's the society changes and "girl marrying whole khandan" goes off. Girls being "married-off" , "sent off to in laws ".....i find all these phrases bad :-( . Yeah in Indian society this is practical truth but I hope it will change...I am sure a time will come where girls are not "sent -off" to in laws and both man and woman would be treated in a manner that they belong to both the families . [/JUSTIFY]
     
  5. Maggie2009

    Maggie2009 Gold IL'ite

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    Re: You are not getting married to me only , you are getting married to my whole fami

    makes me wonder...is getting married so important that we fool ourselves into "accepting" many weird things as the norm?
    fat or thin, fair or not-so-fair why would that be a deal breaker for someone who is not going to wake up next to you for the rest of their lives??
     
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  6. Livinglife

    Livinglife Silver IL'ite

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    Re: You are not getting married to me only , you are getting married to my whole fami

    I am sorry, I beg to differ. Agreed that in Indian culture parents/siblings/relatives are very invested in our lives and marriages. But we have to understand is marriage is essentially between 2 people. That is a beginning of a new family (although not at a loss of existing family). And sooner people understand that, the better. When someone says you are going to be married to my whole family, they are giving clear indication that decisions of your life will be made by or at the very least with consent of the family.

    I can safely say I am married to my husband alone & NOT his family. I accept his family, respect them. But I do not allow them to be part of my marriage at all. And that is the way I & DH like it.

    Just because something has been going on for ages & has been deemed correct, does not make it correct. Family/personal relationship dynamics have changed & "do khandaan ka milan" really has lost its place & relevance in this time.
     
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