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Yoga For Celebs

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by Balajee, Jun 20, 2015.

  1. Balajee

    Balajee IL Hall of Fame

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    Ah the D day is drawing near.. It is a matter of less than a day before a whole lot of VIPs and not-so-VIPs will contort their bodies in various positions on Delhi’s Raj Path. The road where bands and soldiers marched during Republic Day will now showcase the ancient Indian (did I hear somebody say Hindu? Sorry all contortions are secular). Discipline of Yoga. to mark the World Yoga Day.


    At this time we would do well to remember the adage that one man’s food is another’s poison. One man’s yoga could be another’s roga (ailment for Hindi/Sanskrit challenged).A could perform one exercise and get rejuvenated and B could be carried in an ambulance or hearse after the same exercise.


    So I thought I could contribute my mite to the World Yoga Day by chalking out a list of who should perform what exercises. Since it is impossible to draw a list of exercises for our entire billion plus population I decided to limit the list to our VVIPS, VIPs and those who suffer from the chronic delusion that they are VIPs.

    And I also find it difficult to categorize people by types so let us take individuals. Let us start with my own former profession:Media. And who represents it better than Arnab Goswami.? Here is an exercise for him.

    Take a deep breath, take your right hand behind you and pat your back. Then slowly bring it forward. Then do the same with your left hand. As you are doing this fill your lungs with air and shout at the top of your voice I AM NUMBER ONE I AM NUMBER ONE I AM NUMBER ONE I AM NUMBER ONE I AM NUMBER…. Keep doing this until you collapse.. You are right this is called Backpatasana.


    Now let us turn to politics from media and who comes to our mind but Diggy dear? Here is an asana for him. It is called Kukkutasana. Strike up a very canine pose and try to wriggle your rear before your lord and master as he smiles beatifically. (Those at whom this Asana is aimed better watch out. The doggie that wags its tail can treat you as a piller or lamp post and ……. If you don’t believe this ask Arvind Kejriwal.. See how Prashant Bhushan and Yogendra Yadav converted Kukkutasana into Kukkutamutrasana. (Doggie urine pose).



    Oh how about Diggy’s lord and master.? Is there no asana for him? Yes there is, You see Diggy treats him like God. Why like God> As God. And gods are much better off when they are invisible. So he should perform this adhrishyasana and disappear, running to catch the first plane to somewhere or nowhere , may be spending time until the Kingdom Come at some southeast Asian massage parlour oops sorry meditation camp


    And here are some who need Manmohanasana. Originally called Mounasana ithis has been renamed Manmohanasana after our great former PM who was a great practitioner of this posture. It goes like this : First inhale, then exhale. Bring your lips together tightly sealing them. Susha Swaraj and Vasundhara Raje could benefit from this.. Additional benefits could be available if along with sealing their lips they ball their hands into fists to resist the temptation to tweet.


    Some people need to do a combination of both the asans. This combo asana is called Manmohanaadhrishyasana.. This asana is specially for panellists on TV debates who talk expertly about things of which they have nary a clue. The English translation of this asana’s name is SHUT UP AND SCOOT.

    And how can we forget Vadrasana named after the redoubtable Robert Vadra, the SIL of the nation. The Asana can be performed in any vacant piece of land. All you have to do it is to sit in the lotus pose or lie down in Shavasana and refuse to vacate it until the owner sold it to you for a song.

    And let us conclude the thread with a tribute to the greatest yoga master of them all, N.D.Tiwai who wrote is name in the history of yoga in golden letters by being caught on the camera.performing the highly challenging Threestreesambhogasana with three ladies few years ago in his ripe eighties.. Highly admirable when youngsters have trouble making it out with one.Wonder where our deari Tiwari ji is now. Wherever you are I bow my head to you in obeisance..
     
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  2. Kamalji

    Kamalji IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Balaji,

    i bow my head to thee, fo rthe wonderful way in which u have shown us the various new asanas. How about a guru asana, or asaram asana, whereby u touch something that u should not be touching.
    Superb and i can see u on TV tomm, tell me which channel can i watch u do the various asanas eh !

    HAHA.

    Regards

    kamal
     
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  3. Balajee

    Balajee IL Hall of Fame

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    kAMALJI i DIDN'T MENTION THE LIKES OF aSARAM AND nITYANANDA FOR THE SIMPLE REASON THAT THEY PALE IN COMPARISON TO WHAT OUR TIWARIJI DID. THAT IS THE ULTIMATE ASANA , ATTEMPTS BY ASARAM AND NITYANANDA IN THAT DIRECTION ARE POOR SHADOWS. WHY DO YOU EXPECT ME ON TV. DO YOU THINK I AM GOING TO BE ARRESTED FOR SEDITION OR SOMETHING?
     
  4. Srama

    Srama Finest Post Winner

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    I can only thank my stars that the International yoga day does not force the VIP asanas on us normals! I like the name "Backpatasana" though Balajee.....and Vadra can stay in Vajrasana and still claim the land. Just that when he does it can be vadrasana, for the rest of vajrasana for we can only stay so long in the pose!

    I do hope the day achieves the goal and does not become another day like any other Hallmark day. Oh it can't be for unless one does a regular practice, one cannot show up and do something unlike the love we can profess :)
     
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  5. Balajee

    Balajee IL Hall of Fame

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    Sabitha true Yoga is only for those who do regular practice. Tghat makes the charge by some opposition leaders that Yoga is being forced on people ridiculous. The asans I have suggested is for celebs and ordinary mortals like us should be content with ordinary yoga. Of course no one should try N.D.Tiwari's Yoga pose.
     
  6. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra Finest Post Winner

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    Dear Balajee,

    Your celebration of Yoga day in your own inimitable style is stunning. What a hilarious composition of various Balajee-made Asanas unique and customized for each VVIP. So Mounasana becomes Manmohanasana? But nothing to beat Backpatasana customized for Arnab Goswami. Is there a special asana for the PM?

    Viswa
     
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  7. suryakala

    suryakala IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear @Balajee,

    Having said all these, you can also recommend a real asana which every non VIP Indian common man practices.

    -'Shavasana ( dead pose).... do nothing.. do not be concerned... suffer silently.

    Let every body else talk, worry, loot... do nothing.

    Things will be taken care by destiny...

    Beautiful satire! Enjoyed!
     
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  8. Balajee

    Balajee IL Hall of Fame

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    Viswa I am at a loss as far as NaMo is concerned. May be it is too early to invent an Asana for him. Let us give him time. But On the Yoga Day celebration on Rajpath Delhi Modi joied the people in performing Asanas, As someone who has practised Yoga for a few years I found that the asans selected were a bit too easy ones.. They didn't even do Dhanurasana . You can forget sarvangasana or sirasasana. May be they didn't want to embarass the PMJ by making him tie himself into knots. The strangest thing was Baba Ramdev who projects himself as a Yoga Master , didn't leave the dais and sat in a chair and made some cursory allegedly yogic gestures.
     
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  9. Balajee

    Balajee IL Hall of Fame

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    Suryakala, thanks. But the asan you are talking about is called Asamanjasasan and not Shavasan.
     
  10. suryakala

    suryakala IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear @Balajee,

    Thanks for your response.

    Sure, it is Shavasan which I meant. It is also called 'Mritasana' :)

    Please see the following link:

    Corpse Pose | Australian Yoga Journal
     

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