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Yelling at my daughter :-(

Discussion in 'Schoolgoers & Teens' started by tuffyshri, Sep 10, 2013.

  1. tuffyshri

    tuffyshri Gold IL'ite

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    Thanks for the hugs Dinny, that helps me! :) yes.. I will have to check my hormones also tested. But no my behavioral changes are NOT recent
     
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  2. tuffyshri

    tuffyshri Gold IL'ite

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    thanks hridhaya (nice name!). Writing down should help me, let me try. I will have to talk to her on the feedback part. Now I am consciously remembering this post and I keep telling myself not to get angry with her or in general anyone. sometimes I forget.. hope that will become an habit
     
  3. tuffyshri

    tuffyshri Gold IL'ite

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    I cannot do anything but totally agree with you. I have done the damage already... now trying to do the correction. Hope I will get there.
     
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  4. vidukarth

    vidukarth Platinum IL'ite

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    tuffy, come on she is just 7 and would realise soon. Kids don't get that mature thinking, we have to be on time, it would be late.. some kids may be too much responsible, while others may not. So, don't get annoyed.
    Apart from you 4, are there any additional new family members at home? I have seen that when we have new members at home, your schedule gets mixed up and you may have compromise on certain things, including kids priorities. When this happens at home, i get really tensed up and start yelling at my DD. When there are new members at home, my DD would take advantage and would dodge and get me tensed to the peak.. she would not even listen to a small thing and i would simply be yelling at her..
    when i speak to my mom abt my behaviour, she will calm me down and make me realise it.. then it would go smooth.. go in her own way.. engage her as much as you can.. i tried something that other moms specified in IL, every night, before her bedtime, i tried to have pillow fight and some sweet nothings with her and she was so happy... try to have some personal time for you as well, do something like you would really enjoy.. see if that helps..this is just a passing phase.. so don't think too much about it and get stressed up..


     
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  5. racr

    racr Platinum IL'ite

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    Dear Tuffy,

    Hugs to you and your DDs! I have read all the posts,so have nothing much to add -

    1) Like others say,your health might be the main reason for these emotional upheavals. Please do take time to get yourself checked .When you check for Anemia,TSH levels,please also add Vit D deficiency test. It is a very commonly overlooked problem,but the %age of women who have this deficiency,especially in Indians is quite high.

    2)Attitudegirl has given some great advice..just let your DD be for a while! Do you believe in the power of positive affirmations? Meditation is a great thing to de-stress..but it's not that easy in the beginning (at least,not for me). Why don't you start with closing your eyes,taking a few deep breaths and repeat some positive affirmations that you wish to keep for the day ? " I will stay calm ,I will not get angry for TODAY" and so on. Repeat that thought and Keep it with you - that nothing has disturbed your sense of peace today.

    3) I have a seven year old too,and I too keep vacillating between wanting her to be like a baby again (she was so cute when she was 3 or 4 ,sigh!) and then wanting her to behave her age when required! But that's not fair on her,is it? I have this sticking to time issue as well,and I really can't expect her to be conscious of it .For starters,we both sat down and worked out a schedule for the morning - the tasks she has to perform,how much time does she need for each activity so that she can board the bus on time. I tell her that if she does her tasks on time,then she can have that extra time to sleep/snuggle with me or do that nice hairstyle.I guess,sometimes,all of us need to be made to realize the positive outcomes/rewards of being on time ;)!
     
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  6. prana

    prana IL Hall of Fame

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    Tuffy, girl ,please accept my hugs...
    Went through few posts..hope you get some ideas now..just my 2 cents..

    1.First, it is not only you, in the boat...there are many many..it may be common if there are 2 or more kids..after all, we are human beings, and we do have our own up and downs..so dont be so hard on your self..keep in mind that its just a phase,yes a phase..this too shall pass soon..
    2.Dont expect her to be perfect..this is the time for her to enjoy..let her be like this..if she spills anything on the floor, before start scolding, just have a pause..anyway you have to clean the place, then what would happen if you scold her..dont you need to clean the place if you scold her??Instead of shouting at her, tell her patiently how much work it caused beacuse of her carelessness..she would understand it..ANd slowly it will work..
    3.Stress is the major reason for migrane...so relax your self, listen to music with less volume, read book, I know u are a good writer..so bring back that stroy teller in you...This is our life, its is our choice how we take it..so just move on..you are blessed with two angels..they would definitely bring the happiness in you..what you have to do is, just give a pause think twice , then act(I know it is easy to say, but remember facing it with 2 kids all alone, with so many challenges in hand, this is what I am following right now..so just wanted to share it with you dear...)

    Everything will be alright..so dont worry...
     
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  7. sanravi_1970

    sanravi_1970 Gold IL'ite

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    Dear tuffy

    I may not be right but I feel like sharing some of my views. We all know if we r not well, we tend to get angry and if something else is annoying us on top of it, we yell out :) may be that could be the reason OR
    Another thing is we always want our kid to be the most perfect kid :) and if the kid don't meet our satisfaction, and if this is the case for long time, the repetition puts you in anger.
    OR in some cases, if we feel we ourselves lacking or stagnating in( I mean in my case, I would say not getting job inspite of looking for long time, my health, my other plans not working at all ) then that may put you in pressure that explode on others :)
    Kids try to imitate us, that's why ur daughter also started shouting. It happens to me too! So controlling our anger and not expressing it out helps. But it will take time and it's very hard too :)
    So I would say, whatever happens, think its meant to happen, so it happened( like Gita says ) Dont think about past, that depress you more! Be cool and don't ever take anything into heart. Don't bother about anything :) and yes meditation helps.
    I am not able to put in words much perfectly, so if anything hurts you, excuse me :)

    Be happy and I know no mom intentionally shout or scream at our loved ones, moms r the one who love their kid the most than anybody. Kids don't understand that moms shout or yell for their good sake. So we have to handle them softly and politely only! :) I am sure you can get thro this situation.

    Be cheerful and be happy with your wonderful babies :)

    Take care
     
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  8. tuffyshri

    tuffyshri Gold IL'ite

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    Actually the baby is the newcomer. She is 9 months old and bah! May month and all was VERY TOUGH for me. I used to shout like I was hysteric. So bad of me. I somehow feel like a grown daughter would cry to me that 'I always tried to win your heart... but never couldnt'. That hurts! :-( I have a lot to do to do the damage control. Thanks for your suggestions
     
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  9. tuffyshri

    tuffyshri Gold IL'ite

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    Thanks for your inputs racr! Will have to do these things definitely before it becomes too late
     
  10. tuffyshri

    tuffyshri Gold IL'ite

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    thanks for the FB, Vaishnavi. But all your quotes are based on my younger DD of age 4. But no, she is only 9 months old and is too young to do all those activities that you have listed. But yes, the points about LO not respecting the elder one, and point no. 6 - they are eye openers for me.

    Can empathize your pain.. and could map it with my elder one's reaction. God, let me not go there!
     

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