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Yelling at my daughter :-(

Discussion in 'Schoolgoers & Teens' started by tuffyshri, Sep 10, 2013.

  1. Rakhii

    Rakhii Moderator IL Hall of Fame

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    You have received some wonderful responses. I don't have much to add tuffy.
    Since you already mentioned that you realize that your yelling is not helping, that obviously is the issue to address.

    Now, is there a reason why you are pushing your dd to swimming? I mean, there has got to be something else she likes which you can encourage perhaps?
    Also noticed that you don't exactly fancy music/dance etc. is there anything which will help you unwind and make you feel happy? I love cooking. If I am feeling depressed, I normally try to bake. Something in those lines perhaps? See if you can get some classes on your hobbies. That will make you feel happy again.

    Lastly you seem sad. Are you sad all the time? If yes, perhaps you are suffering for post partum depression?
     
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  2. luckysangeetha

    luckysangeetha Gold IL'ite

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    try doing meditation by chanting ..... it will take some time but you will be normal by 3months of time
     
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  3. Shanvy

    Shanvy IL Hall of Fame

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    Aww tuffy,

    hugs and first look for triggers. not for your yelling..but your mood swings. there could be a underlying medical issue as simple as anemia that could make you feel irritated..individuals react differently.

    is your elder one, more like you (behaviour/characteristics, i know 7 is small but still)??? I will post the rest of the fb later,based on your reply.
     
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  4. Dinny

    Dinny IL Hall of Fame

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    Tuffy
    I dont have suggestions to make....i am here just to give you a tight hug.
    I agree to what shanvy said about anaemia.
    While i was suffering from very low Hb levels...i had extreme mood swings.
    So get your TSH and Hb checked,if you feel your behavioral changes are recent developments.
     
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  5. hridhaya

    hridhaya Gold IL'ite

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    Hi Tuffy,

    Are you handling too much in your plate? Is that what triggering the anger? I had been in the same boat before and could never connect with my DD. I felt what ever she did was wrong and needed correction all the time. Later I read few parenting books and realized I need to slow down and be patient with her. Whenever I felt I was bothered with something, I wrote them in a diary and it helped me to feel better.After my behaviour improved, I could find a significant change in our relationship as well.

    Yelling comes quick and hence don't do it. Swallow the words you want to say because they are not thought through. saying nothing might be better in that instance.Most of the times kids get the point when we speak in a calm tone. If you want to correct any of your DD's mistakes, work on it one at a time. Use effective techniques that suits both your style. Take a break or divert yourself completely when the methods are not working. you will find solutions after a while.

    Please give priority to yourself more than your kid. She sounds absolutely fine. Take feedback about yourself from your kid and see what change in you would make her happy. Her cues would make it easier.
     
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  6. tuffyshri

    tuffyshri Gold IL'ite

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    Thanks for a soothing reply attitudegirl! you are talking to me like you have seen me... yes it is true that at times I even forget to comb my hair! One thing that deeply gets into me is the truth that the 7 years old will not come again.
     
  7. tuffyshri

    tuffyshri Gold IL'ite

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    oh yes am glad that I u/stand that yelling is not helping but I just cant stop it :-(

    Surprisingly I dont push her on anything.. she wanted to do the swimming and I just helped her to get ready.. she was late and I rushed her to go soon. that always happens.. she would sit for hours together without realising that time is running. that drives me a bit crazy. I would just speak for first two times and then yell after the 3rd time.
    yes I am trying to get some good sleep and relax myself. Hope will be turning out good.
    No, am not always sad :) you can read my past blogs or posts...
     
  8. tuffyshri

    tuffyshri Gold IL'ite

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    I agree... meditation does calm me down. but am trying my best to find a good time to do it. doing in an empty stomach is not an easy task you know! ;-)
     
  9. tuffyshri

    tuffyshri Gold IL'ite

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    haa... Shanvy.. thanks for being there yet again! yes i have few phsyical problems which I suspect, one is anemia but I have overcome it after the second pregnancy. i have hemmaroids, not sure if that is adding fuel.

    my elder one is not like me. She is very calm, patient, introvert, understanding just like her dad. but now I am influencing her a lot that she is screaming for small small things.

    eagerly awaiting ur expert reply
     
  10. Rise

    Rise Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi

    Its good you realised what your DD feels --- my suggestions is She is only a 7 year old---If she is scared of you ,she will find comfort and care somewhere else! she is growing so she need to feel comfortable with you cause girls need their mother most to discuss several physical and emotional changes,but if you portray a scary image ,there is high probability that she will rely on someone outside to be more comfortable.....

    Be soft to her.... create a comfort zone for her around you so that she can come to you anytime .......
     
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