1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice
  2. Would you like to join the IL team? See open jobs!
    Dismiss Notice
  3. Liked anything that you read here? You may nominate it as the Finest Posts!
    Dismiss Notice
  4. What can you teach someone online? Tell us here!
    Dismiss Notice
  5. If someone taught you via skype, what would you want to learn? Tell us here!
    Dismiss Notice

Worried and Stressed about Dad

Discussion in 'Parents & Siblings' started by raisin, Jun 1, 2010.

  1. raisin

    raisin Bronze IL'ite

    Messages:
    157
    Likes Received:
    13
    Trophy Points:
    33
    Gender:
    Female
    Need real help and adv.

    I am 26, only daughter, married for 4 years. Last year June my dad had breathing difficulty and underwent two minor surgeries. Later it was diagnosed that he had larynx cancer. He underwent Radiation therapy in Oct-Nov. And in Jan 2010 his larynx was removed. He had contnuous weight loss as he did not eat high calorie foods.

    He is much better now but weighs low. We have been going through a lot since these 11 months time. words cannot describe them. At the moment, he is recovering but has to eat well. But he complains of lack of appetite and hunger and throws away the food.

    I had a sugery in the meanwhile and repeated Ultrasounds to check my reproductive health. It put tremendous pressure on all of us. I haven't been able to try for a baby as things are not good. At least 4 days a wekk I take my dad to hospital. I have sleepless nights like today. I was trying to get ayurvedic help and being in Pune there are no good ayu docs specialised in cancer trtment. If you know any, pls let me know.

    I don't know why he is not eating and what will come of him. I cna't sleep today because I scolded him well as he is not writing out what his problem is. i know he is disgusted with life... but why does he forget that we are competing to help him out after all the pain he has gone thru?

    At 26, I have already started feeling like 46. I cried alot today and now I am up writing this. I can't contain the pain.
     
    Loading...

  2. soumya234

    soumya234 Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,350
    Likes Received:
    1,596
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    Sorry that I cant be of any help regarding Ayurvedic Dr.But I feel sorry for your situation.Just felt like replying to you.For all that you have been doing to your dad in taking care of him, my hugs to you
     
  3. sita2223

    sita2223 Bronze IL'ite

    Messages:
    561
    Likes Received:
    30
    Trophy Points:
    48
    Gender:
    Female
    raisin,

    It is indeed very stressful situation you are in. Yes, you are too young to deal with such problems, may God give you loads of strength. There is a saying - 'You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have'. Be strong. God Bless.
     
  4. sabarimathi

    sabarimathi Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    764
    Likes Received:
    155
    Trophy Points:
    115
    Gender:
    Female
  5. Vidya21

    Vidya21 Senior IL'ite

    Messages:
    166
    Likes Received:
    4
    Trophy Points:
    18
    Gender:
    Female
    Raisin,

    It is a lot for everyone involved to go through. Remind yourself that you are doing the best you can; that your dad's cancer is now in remission, and that it is ok to feel sad, and angry at times - it is just the different ways we cope with life-changing events like these.

    Don't beat yourself up over mistakes, you have a lot on your mind and on your hands... try to get some help for other things in your life (home, cooking, cleaning, driving around, child-care if needed) it will give you some rest. Also, as selfish as it might sound right now - take some time out to take care of yourself. If you are well rested you will be able to take care of them better.
     
  6. jags

    jags New IL'ite

    Messages:
    22
    Likes Received:
    1
    Trophy Points:
    3
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi Raisin,

    My hugs to you dear. I do Cancer research and I thought I can write what I know. Usually after cancer surgery and radiation threapy people lose a lot of weight and there is lack of apeptite. Give him lots of nuts and fruits every one hour , when his immune system gets better gradually he will be able to eat more. So do not get stressed out. I know it is really very hard on care givers so here in our hospital we usually give lot of support and we encourage them to take time out for themselves. You should be positive and happy and this vibration should be passed on to the patients.
    So do take care go out, eat healthy, do mediation, meet friends this will keep you sane and be cheerful in front of your dad. He wil be ok soon but it takes time to build back his immune system.
    Hope this will help you. Take care and write to me if you any furthur support, please do not take it hard on yourself
     
    Last edited: Jun 2, 2010
  7. ShilpaMa

    ShilpaMa IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    2,862
    Likes Received:
    5,086
    Trophy Points:
    408
    Gender:
    Female
    Raisin, kudos for your efforts & I wish you get the world's strength to balance out the current difficulties.
    I have a family friend uncle who was diagnosed with blood cancer at early stages and is being cured... yes all those medications make a person v v irritable and they tend to throw up... this continued for 2 yrs and he's lot more better now, he eats without throwing... so it takes time but happens. His recent reports were really better and he's now visiting his kids abroad.

    Now if you're feeling weared out which is a normal case as you're married and there's another half of your world... pls hire a full time help for your dad, who shall take his mood swings (this person should be aware of sign language so that he can teach him new way to communicate)... same was done for the uncle whom I mentioned and there was a lot more peace at home. We all have patience levels and when we realise that we're running out of it, then its in best interest of all to get a help.

    Since you also faced certain issues at reproductive health, I shall strongly suggest that bring it to your priority as well.. you can take your dad once a week and then remaining the person you hire can do it.

    All the best and remain positive.
     
  8. raisin

    raisin Bronze IL'ite

    Messages:
    157
    Likes Received:
    13
    Trophy Points:
    33
    Gender:
    Female
    Dear Ladies,

    Thanks a lot for your kind words and hugs.

    The journey till here with my dad has not been easy at all since there was very little help from my elders except for my FIL and maternal uncle. I have been strong. But my dad's stubbornness is worrying us a lot.
    Just now I told him to get up and have some nuts (cashew and groundnut) and he got up and had a few and lied back again. Then I told him that a friend told me to give you nuts for speedy recovery and try to eat a few every hour. He shook his head like challenging me and went back to bed. I got infuriarated and filled the bowl with more nuts and came to my PC. You can only drag the horse to the mountain but you cannot make it drink.

    Anyway, we have a thyroid and CBC check on sat.

    His healing has been good all through because of his gen health. On sat, during our last follow up his doc was happy.

    Nobody knows what in his mind and why he is always sleeping and unhappy. He is much better when he meets his doctor who advises him a lot. Yesterday, I had reached my breaking point and asked my parents to go back to their house if he was bent on behaving like this. I know it was cruel but I couldn't take this anymore and I am also an individual with a lot of pain and pressure. I still have the will to live which I am afraid of losing in a few days if things go on like this.

    I have not been able to work (I am not getting any in the vicinity of my house too) and have been stuck with my hsuband's onsite offer. My world is reeling around. Where is all this getting in to? What did I do to deserve this? I have visited the hospital at least 2000 or more times in these months. I have fallen ill so many times due to stress. Knowing everything my dad behaves like this. I had even consulted a psychologist who did not have much to say.

    Prayers have stopped helping at this stage. My mom and I are like machines now.




     
  9. jags

    jags New IL'ite

    Messages:
    22
    Likes Received:
    1
    Trophy Points:
    3
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi Raisin,
    It is very natural for your father to feel tired and sleepy. He has been subjected to strong radiation waves which in addition to killing the cancer cells in the body also kills the normal cells. He now has very low count of white blood cells and red blood cells which are the key soliders in our body that protect us from dieases and keep us engertic. He is now anemic. when he regains his count back he will be ok.
    Do not get angry on him his body is not coperating with him now. Allow him to take his own time.
    Take care dear
     
  10. ShilpaMa

    ShilpaMa IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    2,862
    Likes Received:
    5,086
    Trophy Points:
    408
    Gender:
    Female
    What did I do to deserve this?Raisin, I dont think we did something to deserve hardship in life but then god chose us for a hardship cos he knew that we can handle it and will get strong with it.

    Your dad has lost his speech and is exposed to radiations and you're hard pressed to join DH.. this is mounting pressure apart from hospital visit.. pls remain calm, people dont recover fast of illness eating dry fruits especially when his overall body is v weak how will he digest dry fruits? Did the doc suggest it?

    I strongly suggest that you google for a male nurse in your locality and hire a help, you're running out of patience.
     

Share This Page