Working just to avoid being home with in-laws

of course she needs a job, how long can she tolerate in laws, if her hubby wants company to his parents he can go for on call night jobs, in that way he can give them company in the mornings.

 

God bless the wives of such people.

 

I would concurr to this part as long as it applies to the other party as well.
In indian setups a lot of parents seldom have the willingness/ liberty to live with the girl child for long duration and still fewer ladies can reach that level of leaving it to husband's problem ... cos it eventually turns into a bigger problem if a gal's parent stay same durations as boys'.

What becomes a right for one party is still not rightful for the other.
Given an option no one likes to be alienated in their own house, which eventually happens when either set of parents stay for long. It may work as long as the tastes and thinking co-incides..
If not then whatever consensus/ peace draft a husband wife had reached in common to enjoy mutual tastes and thoughts for marital bliss............ gets into jeopardy the moment there are people to regularly remind HIM or HER... that baby U NEED TO GET what you want and not GIVE IT UP for YOUR SPOUSE.. We're there to love you the way you want.. what else is she/ he giving you.

It can result into alienation for a spouse who otherwise felt everything was so fine...
Unlike previous days where one party was totally dominating and another submissive... now both the partners are equally aware of their rights. Any additional members here n there and the balance is gone.

Either of the spouse will have to be out of this world or possibly out of the home to let only their partner be pampered and taken care of for long durations and being constantly reminded that "why am I not getting the same and infact the reverse" finally each child is precious to their own parents and mostly a baggage for others.

 

Agreed with most of your points. It is very good to talk about "RIGHTS", but the ground reality will be different for wife and husband when it comes to "RIGHTS"

Let me put it in simple way, with relevant to this thread, as it is mentioned that otherwise SAHW has chosen to work when PIL are around.

Case 1: Wife is SAHW. PIL stays/visits son. Wife has no right to ask PIL to move out or ask the husband to live separately from parents. It is a legally proven fact. The only exception is incase of domestic violence or other form of abuse on DIL by PIL.

In the same way, in case wife's parents decide to stay with daughter, husband has the option to object the same. Because husband's responsibility is only upto wife and children, not his PIL's. We can also apply the same logic for girls PIL as well. But again, she will not have the option to ask them to leave the house.Whether we agree or not, this is a matter of fact in Indian setup.

Case 2; Wife is employed and it is assumed that they have a separate matrimony home. This is where what you mentioned above will apply...and will be generally on the basis of mutual consent between the partners. So the options are equal and neutral game.

Case 3: Wife is employed but stays with PIL (assuming that she moved to PIL's house after marriage). Still she has no right to ask the husband to separate from his parents. While girls parents can move to PIL house is a subjective matter with very less chances.


Case 4: Role reversal, and all the above events can be reversed,except the case of violence on husband by his PIL. Sadly husbands in India dont have that "RIGHT".

In a nutshell, it is not just the "RIGHTS", it is whether you are eligible for that right or not is what it matters.

 

Count mine as well....she needs it the most now

 

If the woman feels that she will have some space, independence, and avoid any kind of conflict by being out of the house for even peanuts, then why not?
She/in-laws may or may not have issues in the past - but being in the same house after being alone for X number of married years might have caused her to look into this option.

I wouldn't call that escapism or avoiding responsibilities - its evolution. ;-)

 

+1 for it.... totally agreed........... it is the perception of people around who try to define whats your right and whats not.
Only when you have loving & pampering people around you.. your wish becomes your right.

 

Totally agree with you...and especially this is more the case when it comes to marriage relationship.

I personally feel that the relationship should evolve with love, coupled with maturity and understanding of each others realistic needs in life.
IMO...When we put if's and but's without this, whatever one spouse think will never be acceptable to other spouse.

 

it it was for me, i too would have done the same

 

I think she has taken wise decision. This way, she will be on her own even if earning peanuts and at the same time not get binded to the home. I think it is good for every one and husband or her in laws should not stop her