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Women Who Are "only Child" Caring For Parents Far Away ?

Discussion in 'Parents & Siblings' started by madras2018, Jul 14, 2016.

  1. madras2018

    madras2018 Platinum IL'ite

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    To those of you on IL who live outside India & are the only-child of their parents (have no siblings), how do you care for your aging parents living in India ?

    How do you manage to balance your duties to your parents and your own family ?
     
    Last edited: Jul 14, 2016
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  2. blindpup10

    blindpup10 Platinum IL'ite

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    @madras2018-
    I am not the only child however both my sibling and I are not in India.
    It's difficult for my mother sometimes, to be alone in our house. Currently, she is working- she will be retired in a couple of months. I am kinda dreading that phase because my mother is a busy body. She might not like being retired.
    She has few female friends in our area who are living alone- they share food/go to yoga class/walk together/ shop veggies for each other.
    Currently- I have all the contact details of her friends/ neighbors. We have also given our house key to our relatives and trusted neighbor.
    I call and talk to her every day. We skype. She needs more moral support than financial support, she is quite healthy(at least right now).
    My mother also has few sisters who are close by- although they aren't in my mother's stage of life. It helps my mother to have some company.
    My mother is planning on investing in a retirement house, but I doubt she will like being there.

    Yea there isn't much I am doing for her, but to talk to her. Sometimes the loneliness gets to her. She hates being alone and have nobody around. She is not comfortable being with her sisters or other relatives. However, she has loads of friends both ( males/ female) long term family friends who reach out to her.
     
    Last edited: Jul 16, 2016
    blessings1010 and satchitananda like this.
  3. blessings1010

    blessings1010 Gold IL'ite

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    @madras2018
    I am not the only child. Have a sibling in the same town as my parents . WE both support parents as and when we can. Sibling has a very stressful and hectic work and family life with no support from her own ILs or husband. So when she is in town, she oversees my parents immediate tactical needs such as medication, fresh food and transportation. I support them in more long terms needs such as insurance, investments, documentation management and renewal of certain services

    But, before when we both ( me and sibling)were overseas, we had set up a system for parents. It worked 80-90% of the time. When something goes wrong( as with any system), my folks are very understanding and do not fret over our mistakes.
    1. Almost all their utility bills are set up for automatic payments before due dates
    2. Health check-ups are set in advance for monthly/ quarterly/ annual visits. Blood work is also arranged on the phone/ email ( the rep of health practice visits my folks at home for glucose test both for fasting and PP). Blood reports are sent to me and sibling on emails. Their health file is maintained both offline and online on in case we need their health history urgently. When I was working there, my parents were added into my medical insurance ( it saved us great deal of leg work when mom had to undergo urgent surgery in the past). Later when I had to leave work, we enrolled them in the separate private medical insurance. Their monthly prescriptions are also set on automatic payment and delivery at home
    3. They have their own transportation with a driver. But when he is on leave, sibling books uber for them or drives them to their destinations when she can
    4. Parent's society has access to home-delivery of fresh food and grocery from nearby market. They order via phone for anything urgent, otherwise their regular needs and wants are set with the market for monthly delivery
    5. House maid is very good. WE are lucky in that department. She helps mom in almost everything. Mom dad support our house-maid in her kid's education over and above her monthly wages.

    This system still takes care of majority of their immediate needs.
    Now that I am away and sibling is nearby but busy,
    1. We taught parents how to use smart phones, internet for anything urgent. Some important phone numbers (such as their doctors, driver, us, close friends) are saved on speed-dial
    2. All their important papers are saved chronologically in both hard copies and soft copies
    3. We set up a home security system- which has access to sibling's home and mobile phone for any emergencies.
    4. Sibling keeps me posted on every important change in their life- especially health. So that we are on the same page always.

    Hope some of these points are helpful.
     
    mankar, Induslady, NeetaR and 8 others like this.
  4. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    WOW @blessings1010
    Really impressed by the team work between you and your sibling.
     
  5. blessings1010

    blessings1010 Gold IL'ite

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    Thanks @yellowmango , I am forever grateful to my lord who blessed me with a wonderful sis. Post my marriage, she wrapped up her wonderful career overseas and settled nearby parents for good. Because of that, I am able to go on here. But, I can not imagine the plight of an only female child who has to live away from parents in their old age.
     
  6. blindpup10

    blindpup10 Platinum IL'ite

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    @blessings1010
    :worship2::worship2: Highly impressive team work.
    I need to take serious tips and establish this with my mom.
     
  7. blessings1010

    blessings1010 Gold IL'ite

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    Thanks @blindpup10 , one more reason it has been working for so long is because my folks do not mind us taking up some tasks off of their bucket list. They are very easy going and trust us girls completely. If they had reservations about giving us charge, it would have been difficult.
     
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  8. blindpup10

    blindpup10 Platinum IL'ite

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    Yea man! That's seems to be the biggest problem! When dad was living.. My sibling and I were considered as kids! And no way my mom will even explore many options that is been suggested . We looked into CCTV before my sibling left..! It was such a struggle.. Finally my sibling just gave up!
     
  9. blessings1010

    blessings1010 Gold IL'ite

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    I know that frustration. For ILs, if we try to offer any help, we get a strong push back.
     
  10. madras2018

    madras2018 Platinum IL'ite

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    @blessings1010 , @blindpup10 - did any of you factor in caring for your parents when choosing your partner ? I.e it's a conscious decision for some ppl who have an arranged marriage - they may opt for someone locally to be able to care for their parents. Or some ppl make life decisions and figure out stuff like this on the way. Still others work with their siblings, and one of them decides to live in India closer to their parents.

    For any of you - was location and being close to your parents a factor at the time of marriage ?
     

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