Will You Be My GF?

My Dear ILites,

You might have observed that I am not very prompt in my replies to you. You might have thought, 'After all sridhar is busy. He doesn't have the time.'

No that's not the reason. Writing a response to each of your fb is as important as writing the leader post. I read your responses mull over them and then only when I feel like, I write the reply.

At times it happens quite fast; but at times it is delayed, sometimes inordinately so.

Please bear with me. I want to give the love and respect your fb very richly deserves.

love,

 

Dear Sumathy,

It is dangerous to ask writers about the origin of their pen-names (and even their real names) They always have loads and loads to tell. Yes, Sumathy, please visit this thread where I have given the whole history of 'varalotti'
http://www.indusladies.com/forums/v...short-serial/5349-varalotti-on-varalotti.html

Let me be very frank Sumathy. Having a friend in the opposite sex is not the same as having a same sex friend. Yes, in theory, it should be perfectly be the same as Veda Vyasan and quite a number of others have argued. Call me immature, call me anything you want. But I find having a woman friend is different from having a male friend. Way different. Perhaps this realisation has made me more vigilant, more careful while dealing with my women friends.
You may call me old fashioned. It is probably true. I grew up in a very conservative town, Madurai. You know when we were quite young, we were told not even to recognise our sister while we met her on the street.
I have never been in a co-ed school or a co-ed college. When I did CA way back in 70's it was an all male profession.
As I look back on my young years I now feel that I would have been better off had I been with girls and women. My horizon would have been widened much earlier, and my understanding deepened. But I am happy that at least it happened much later.

You hit the nail on its head. A spouse's place can never be filled up by a GF. Not even by a 100 GFs. Yes my spouse definitely knows about my women friends. I hope you know that she is a member of this site and she has even responded in this thread. Her user id is Indhusri.

Left to myself I can even write a book on that. Seducing a woman is a question art. But being a GF of a woman is the height of artlessness. As I said earlier I treat my women GFs differently than that of my male friends. With my male friends I meet them quite often, chat with them, go with them to movies and other places.
I rarely meet my women friends, contact them mostly through net, talk to them only once in a way,
Very recently I had a beautiful, touching exchange of mails and pm with a woman GF, who is also a member of this site.

Thanks for the detailed, beautiful response, Sumathy.

regards,

 

Dear Veda Vyasan,

(I should have written your full name a hundred times; but every time I write it a shiver goes through my spine; So powerful is your name. May the uncle who named you be blessed for ever)

To be very honest I do not have much belief in myself. In spite of my DW and my GF Kamla saying to the contrary, I still feel that feelings and emotions are quite powerful. So I always avoid piquant situations.

That is a very sensible advice. I see to it that all my friends in the opposite sex are known to my wife. Except a few friends on the net I counselled and by whom I was counselled my DW knows all about my girl friends.

And yes she has perfect faith in me. Yes, we do have our fights. We have shouted at each other. But I cant be in that mood for more than a few hours. I sms an apology to her and she replies back and we are friends again.

As Chithra has rightly said a spouse cannot usurp the role of a GF nor can a GF usurp a spouse's role.

In my case my DW does not object to my having women friends. What she strongly objects to is my ogling. My "sight seeing". But I think that habit is ingrained in my genes. Though I am a little shy talking to strange women, I can never abstain from seeing beautiful women whatever may be the age. Once in Vijayawada I saw a Coorgi women who would have been in the late fifties at that time. (5 years ago). She was in her traditional Coorgi saree. It was a Masonic Conference. My friends had left the hotel. Seeing her eating all by herself, I went to her and openly complimented her looks and her dress sense. I could never forget the brightness on her face.

But that is the maximum limit I go. While on road I do not miss to see any woman (whatever may be the age) who is beautiful.

As I sign off, I should say this Veda Vyasan. I do not buy your statement that friends of both the sexes are the same. At least to me they are not the same. I should admit that there is a mild excitement while talking to or listening to a female friend. Another bias I have is that with my male friends I tend to argue and fight. But with my women friends except for a very few, I never fight. But when I am very close with a woman friend, I tend to fight with them too.

Thanks for the fb, Veda Vyasan.

love,

 

Dear Varloo,

You are my GF and I, yours. No doubt about it. I am happy that you don't jump to conclusions reading my titles. But I want you to jump to read it soon, that's why the titles are slightly provocative. Hurting you, and my friends in IL, well take it from me, that wont happen till I live.

Very happy to know about our male friend. It is rare to find such friends these days. Friendship today has become more of a barter and trade. And when a man and woman are friends, sexual favours normally becomes a sought over commodity.

We have had enough discussion about perverts in men who always look for sex while relating to other women. But Varloo I should also point out the other side, the so called, "women perverts". Well, I am not talking about those ladies who seek sex from other men.

But I know a few ladies who have a very low self esteem and to bolster their image they dole out sexual favours in exchange for friendship. That is pretty dangerous and pretty foolish because, precisely it is these ladies who are used as doormats by their friends/lovers and dumped at the opportune moment.

Well said.

I have answered the question in the beginning itself.

 

Dear Suryakala,
Suryakala is the name of a North Indian sweet which I love to eat. From your response I could see that you share that kind of sweetness with your namesake, the sweet.
You are most welcome to be my good friend, Suryakala. Your friendship is as much a gift to me as mine is to you.
with warm regards,

 

Dear Maya,

thanks a lot for accepting my invitation for friendship. It is rather difficult for men and women to sustain a platonic relationship because when you are constantly in touch one time or the other, feelings and emotions might take over. After all we are human beings, aren't we?

That's why I have all these safe guards. Few personal meetings, contacts mostly my mail, rarely telephonic talk and so on. For me they have all worked well.

I feel that having a real friendship with a member of opposite sex of your wavelength gives 100 times more happiness than having a sexual relationship.

Thanks a lot my good friend for your fb,
regards,

 

Hello Vanaja,
There are so many remarkable features in fb which made me read it several times.
First is your signature motto. "Hands that serve are holier than the lips that pray."
At one level this is perfectly right especially considering the fact that for every million people who want to stand away and pray safely there is only person ready to offer her hands to serve.
But I would rather go into what is the driving force for the prayer or service. If the driving force is selfless love, then it makes no difference whether you pray or serve.
Kahlil Gibran said that you cannot direct the course of love, but, love, if it considers you worthy can direct your course. When love directs its course, whether it is prayer in the lips or service by the hands or even inflicting punishment on others, all are equally holy.

You are right. After I read these lines I looked deep into my life. I am surprised to find that I don't have a single friend, man or woman, with whom I can talk about everything. May be I should do something about it.

True. Maintaining a healthy friendship with a person of opposite sex is a hundred times more difficult than the most complex tax planning assignment I have ever handled. Pretty early I found out the safeguards and safety valves necessary for sustaining such kind of friendships.
At the end of the day I feel that it has been worth the while having those beautiful relationships.

On the bulls eye, once again. Once you are aware of this, then your friendships are quite safe. I have known a dozen cases who boasted, "after all we are just friends" and ended up in a messy affairs complicating their lives and those of their friends.

Poetic, Vanaja. Why don't you try your hands at poetry? Or you have already written and posted in this site? Let me know.

A careful, matured statement. Your husband is lucky.

Thanks for the nice compliments, Vanaja.

regards,