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Will u discuss abt gifts to your parents side with inlaws?

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by paru, Jan 9, 2009.

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  1. Jan 9, 2009 #1
    paru

    paru New IL'ite

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    Hello Friends,

    Iam travelling to India in a couple of months. I wonder how my mil will react if I discuss the gifts I got for my parents side. Iam sure she will keep a long face. But on the other hand I dont want to hide because it is my right to give gifts to my parents,sisters,brothers,uncle,aunts. What you gals will do? Will you discuss with ur inlaws when you are in india.
     
    paru, Jan 9, 2009
    paru, Jan 9, 2009
    #1
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  2. Jan 9, 2009 #2
    Malyatha

    Malyatha Gold IL'ite

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    If I were you, I wouldn't discuss any gifts to either side with the other side. This will only provoke unnecessary comparisons and hurt feelings (regardless of whether such comparisons and feelings are warranted or not).

    I hope you are also going to give gifts to your in-laws, including your husband's siblings, uncles, aunts etc? If you treat both sides fairly, you don't have to worry about problems later on, even if someone from one party blabbers anything to a member of the other side.

    JMO.

     
    Malyatha, Jan 9, 2009
    Malyatha, Jan 9, 2009
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  3. Jan 9, 2009 #3
    Mihika

    Mihika New IL'ite

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    Dear Paru
    I would also suggest not discussing this sensitive issues with your inlaws. I have had bad experiences when I revealed parents gifts to inlaws so now I just make 2 bags & drop the bag with gifts to my parents house before I go to my inlaws house. This way my ils dont need to know what i got for my parents and I am also spared all the hurtful comments. I ensure that I get enough gifts for all my ils relatives and friends...
    MIhika
     
    Mihika, Jan 9, 2009
    Mihika, Jan 9, 2009
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  4. Jan 9, 2009 #4
    Mihika

    Mihika New IL'ite

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    Dear Paru
    I dont think that it is a good idea to discuss such sensitive issues with your ILs expecially since you suspect that they might not be so happy about it. Why create unnecessary tensions for yourself? What they dont know wont hurt them. If they especially ask then you can tell ... as you said you dont have to feel guilty.
    Mihika
     
    Mihika, Jan 9, 2009
    Mihika, Jan 9, 2009
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  5. Jan 9, 2009 #5
    radhee

    radhee Bronze IL'ite

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    What is the need to reveal it to your in-laws when they are not going to be receptive?...If I were you, I would not tell them anything unless they ask about it, which means I am not hiding either. It is between you and your parents, why supply unnecessary information when you know it is not going to be appreciated?

    Radhee.
     
    radhee, Jan 9, 2009
    radhee, Jan 9, 2009
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  6. Jan 9, 2009 #6
    Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    If you already have a feeling, MIL might react unfavorably, then, don't talk about them.

    It is your right, but, if you exercise the right to talk about them, then the consequence will be unnecessary comments and comparisons. Is it worth it?

    No. A big fat NO. It is not that all in-laws will comment or feel jealous of what you are taking for your parents. It is just that, even now, some people find items from abroad hard to resist. You might have taken the same items for in-laws, but they might want some more to give to xyz aunt/cousins. You might have taken even fancier & costlier items for them, but the simple kleenex/ ziplocs/ plastic dabbas you are taking for your mom will be the most coveted items suddenly. And, even worse, is when nieces/nephews on husband's side ask for items that you might be taking for nieces/nephews on mom's side. It is so hard to explain to kids.

    For me, it used to be tough to take anything for my siblings, as we went to my DH's city first, and I went to my city only after a week or so. And, our suitcases used to be kind of open for anyone to see.... that is until, I got wiser. Now, I just don't unlock 1 suitcase at all. I pack so that it needs to be opened only in my mother's house. My in-laws are generally great, but, still, when people see or hear about an item they like, it is hard to politely put it back in suitcase :lol:

    What bugs me is I put in lot of effort to shop here, look for things really hard to find in India, and buy them. I ask DH if I should buy the same for his side. he'll give me a general "oh they get everything there....". Then, after we go there, if someone in his side wants an item, he is like "oh it is such a small thing...give it...jaane do...". bonk.

    Over time, things have changed. Now, they beg us not to get things from here, as they just sit in the cupboards and occupy space. But, till a while back, packing suitcases before India trip used to take me days fo strategic planning and repacking. I used to spread all 3-4 suitcases out in a room, and then trip over the stuff, and once almost packed myself in a suitcase... :rotfl
     
    Rihana, Jan 9, 2009
    Rihana, Jan 9, 2009
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  7. Jan 9, 2009 #7
    Ranchu

    Ranchu Local Champion Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Oh man... Why would you want to do that ?
    I dont even reveal the gifts given to me by DH to MIL. I dont know why my DH does that. I have argued with him many times regarding this. But couldnt convince him . So am going along with him..:hide:
     
    Ranchu, Jan 9, 2009
    Ranchu, Jan 9, 2009
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  8. Jan 9, 2009 #8
    paru

    paru New IL'ite

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    Thanks for all the replies. Yes Iam fair in getting gifts for my hubby's side too , moreover the budge is more for hubby's side only. I got Digi camera for my Sil, I also got one for my sister. Mil will definitely ask what you got for your sister and if I say the truth I dont know how she will react.
     
    paru, Jan 9, 2009
    paru, Jan 9, 2009
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  9. Jan 9, 2009 #9
    paru

    paru New IL'ite

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    Thanks for all the replies. Yes Iam fair in getting gifts for my hubby's side and infact the budget is greater for my hubby's side only. I got a digi camera for my sil and also one for my sister . Mil will surely ask what you got for your sister and if I say the truth.. I donno how she will react..
     
    paru, Jan 9, 2009
    paru, Jan 9, 2009
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  10. Jan 9, 2009 #10
    skavi

    skavi Senior IL'ite

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    Its actually not your MIL business to know what you got for whom..now its your house, your husband and technically your money...

    In case if she asks also be as cool as cucumber and say yep camera as i got for sil...i hope they both love it...just be casual and don't give it as explanation...

    we need to be clear and they should know you are an adult who can take care of your things...you are queen of your house and you need to keep your head up and give answers :):thumbsup...

    Wishing you a safe and happy journey..come back with flying colors...

    Skavi..
     
    skavi, Jan 9, 2009
    skavi, Jan 9, 2009
    #10
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