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Wife Has Reservations About Adoption

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Greenbay, Nov 19, 2017.

  1. ashima10

    ashima10 Platinum IL'ite

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    This is so true , I can completely relate . All wisdom , degrees , achievements promotions goes down the drain just for this . May be the society is wired this way.. may be it’s the feeling of helplessness that breaks us.
    I hope your wife find happiness either way by successfully giving birth or by adoption .

    Honestly adoption should always be humans choice not lack of chance .
    Peace and happiness for both of you .
     
    Greenbay likes this.
  2. Elsa

    Elsa Gold IL'ite

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    OP, I am very sorry to hear what you are going through. Regarding the treatments and ivf failures, I strongly believe that sometimes, it takes more than the average number of tries for it to work. On an average, a woman (couple) needs more than one ivf cycle to end up with a take home baby. So, to me 2 is not a lot. Unless, you have financial constraints or you or your wife have decided not to take too many medications, I would suggest you to try for a couple of egg collection cycles and get the embryos tested for chromosomal abnormalities. I read in one of your posts that you did lose some pregnancies. Having experienced all these firsthand, I can say that with PGS, your chances of miscarrying a baby early on, reduces significantly. Again, thats not all. I know there is more to it.

    I think I can totally what you mean when it comes to adoption. But I guess your wife is not ready yet. Like me, I havent totally given up on the treatments yet. I might, some day, if I drain all my savings and come to terms with my inability to carry a baby to term. I have a feeling that your wife must be gling through something similar. She has to come to terms with the failures, and that there is no point in spending any more money on the treatments and then make up her mind for adoption. Its not an easy thing to do. You will have to be patient and wait for her to make up her mind. I know, its not easy. Both for you and your wife. In any case, please do not forget to take care of yourself and your wife.
     
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  3. Greenbay

    Greenbay Gold IL'ite

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    An update.
    We had to move to warmer place due to change in wife's employment, my skills allow to be employed anywhere, so no issues as I will wait for her to get settled first. We are both happy and the weather seems to have made a very big difference. We have bonded really well these last few weeks. She has become the woman I fell in love with and ready to listen to all options. But she has asked me to wait for 6 more months to see if she naturally conceives again. She has stopped all her medications. So fingers crossed.
     
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  4. pinky2cute

    pinky2cute Platinum IL'ite

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    Sounds great. Just one advice from my side...
    Forget about baby making sex in the coming 6months. Just make love passionately as if you both are in honeymoon phase. Forget about the ovulation days and fertile period and all that.
    Just have sex twice or thrice a week post menstrual period onwards.

    When you have intercourse as a need to make a baby, the stress will affect a lot more negatively and then the disappointment of not conceiving and so on...the cycle will repeat. Hence, when you do it as a passion, you.both will bond a lot... Feel good, stress will be low amd chances of natural conception will be high.

    Just you both should mentally prepare yoursf that these 6months you both arr going to be like lovers. Forget about conception. And I'm sure you both will be blessed with a happy child soon.
     
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  5. kavya007

    kavya007 Gold IL'ite

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    Kudos for being so supportive to your wife. I am also in the stage of my life where I am too old to have kids biologically but I would love to adopt. Unfortunately my marriage is falling apart and I am in process of divorce. Nevertheless I do not plan to give up on my dreams. I so want to bond with a young child. Have you and your wife considered volunteering for children. My husband and I considered adoption few years back. But then we realized international adoption is a costly and lengthy affair. So we wondered why not become foster parents in the US. But before that we decided to volunteer for foster kids. So we both went ahead and became child advocates for foster kids. This taught us a lot about the challenges of foster kids and the issues adoptive kids would probably face if proper bonding with caregiver does not happen in young ages. In any case we were happy we could bring about a small difference in the life of foster kids. It would give you the option of working with children. I used to be a child advocate for foster kids and I volunteered through an organization called CASA in USA.

    Regards,
    Kavya
     
    Last edited: Jan 2, 2018
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  6. Sandycandy

    Sandycandy IL Hall of Fame

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    @Greenbay Hey Buddy boy, I found your nose, it was in my business ! Promise to keep your nose out and I promise to keep my UGG boots to myself , deal ?

    Since you have moved to a warmer part of the country , I suggest you make some mango lassi for the wife, take a stroll in the park with her, focus on improving natural intelligence along with the AI /ML/NN job search.

    Happy 2018 ! Hope you utilize your time well and turn into a PAPA soon !
    Sorry to hijack your thread, thanks for having the cs to not send me a DM !
    P.S also thanks for reinforcing my belief that gossiping is no longer a woman’s domain.
     
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  7. Greenbay

    Greenbay Gold IL'ite

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    AI/ML build products based on consumer patterns but can never guess woman's thinking :imp:. I re-read my first post which triggered such outrage and addressing me as buddy boy. And in my repeated reading, I still think there was no intent to gossip from my side. I simply asked why one founder doesn't post anymore. I was expecting answers like, lost interest, or this is not profitable venture anymore, or some other tangible reason. But branding it as gossip or piercing my nose in someone's business was not what I was expecting. I will ask moderators to remove my today's posts in Y and R as gossip is surely not my cup of tea nor my intent.

    On the advice, my natural intelligence used to think that my wife is above such pranks that as soon as I make lassi, she will blush and murmur some shayari. May be I will be proven wrong again.

    I have received few DMs in the past, but never even acknowledged them nor reciprocated as I have no interest in them. Knowing people's reason in not posting those in the threads themselves would be another AI task.
     
    Last edited: Jan 2, 2018
  8. Sandycandy

    Sandycandy IL Hall of Fame

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    Good ! Feel free to ask the moderators to remove my posts too. You have read it and it’s served it’s purpose. i can now go and have my mango lassi!

     

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