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why should we stay in Inlaws place?

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Renu1999, Feb 14, 2010.

  1. Renu1999

    Renu1999 Bronze IL'ite

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    many ladies write here saying it is only fair if we stay 50 % of the time in inlaws place. (during india trip)
    If the husband stays only 1 or 2 days in our place then why we ladies need to stay in inlaws place for 50 % of the time.
     
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  2. helpmegod

    helpmegod New IL'ite

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    becausw only in india this society have some rules( crazy some times) ,

    even i hate.. actaully in our epics. too.... only engagement s i mean only swayamvaras budget should be beared by perents side marraige is from inlaws side only... i do not know why that rule is changed.

    i readd in some epics books and one priest in pomona temple too told in this way.
     
  3. Rihana

    Rihana IL Hall of Fame

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    I always thought we need to do that as our mandatory contribution to world peace. :rotfl
     
    Last edited: Feb 14, 2010
  4. kinjal

    kinjal Bronze IL'ite

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    i agree :coffee
     
  5. Sunny3

    Sunny3 New IL'ite

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    Can someone give a proper explanation to this question??

    Is it because women are considered dependents emotionally, sometimes/most of the times financially or is it that paternal grand parents need grand kids too????
    So, if a woman is financially independent then is she pardoned?? OR not because there are still 2 more reasons for which she needs to split her time in two halves.
    Why doesn't a man/husband not questioned?? Because he is financially independent, emotionally he considers he does not need wife's support???
    Or what???

    What is the reason??

    Sunitha
     
  6. divs

    divs New IL'ite

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    I ask myself the same question time and again :) And its not just the stay that bothers me, its every other expectation from a girl - the girl should address in-laws as her parents while the husband absolutely gets away with anything; in the case of the couple living in a different city, the girl is expected to regularly talk/ mail the in-laws whereas the boy isn't. Extend this list to the wedding expenses and so forth, it becomes endless......I guess unless there is a change in perception of our generation, things won't change - women need to start questioning the bias and men need to become more open minded.

    I must tell you all about this wonderful young couple I know, who've been married for nearly 7 years now (the arranged way). Both husband and wife address each other's parents as 'mother' and 'father'. Every visit home involves both the husband and wife spending equal time at both houses. Even the phone calls home have no associated tensions - they talk to both houses about half hour every weekend..and yes, together! I guess such things are quite a rarity indeed :)
     
  7. Mihisha

    Mihisha Senior IL'ite

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    No Way! it is 50-50 for both of us..no compromise on that. I make sure DH involves with my bros and parents , I dont care if my ILs mingle with me or not, I just stay there for required days and mostly go shopping/organize some pooja/ activity... we dont feel how time passes by so quickly.... renu, how and Why did u compromise on this that DH stays in ur parents home for only 1/2 days? Make sure it is 50-50
     
  8. monita

    monita Platinum IL'ite

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    The reason is quite simple- when a girl gets married her in-laws' home is her home and she is deemed an outsider in her parents home. That's how our tradition works.In olden days, a girl could only visit her parents on special occasions not just when she wished to and that too only if her PILs allowed. Things have changed now.
    We modern women look for logic in the insanity. Trust me you are not going to find any.

    As Helpmegod said- these are the societal rules that we must follow, although nobody knows who made these rules and for what purpose. There is no evidence of such rules in our vedas or shastras and there is no legislation that prevents a girl from spending more time in her parents home than her in-laws'.
     
  9. Anuradha00

    Anuradha00 Bronze IL'ite

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    Renu, dear, you don't have to stay with your inlaws if you don't want to. You are a grown woman and you should do what makes you happy. But if you have child, then the child should spend time equally with both sets of grandparents. So if you are unwilling to stay with your inlaws then you should send your child to their home without you. Are you ok to do this? Many women are not. So they end up staying with their child because they cannot bear to let child or children stay alone at the father's home.

    HelpMe, I think it is unfair if any one side is burdened with the cost of wedding. In earlier days, girls did not get family property so she got a huge wedding and lots of gifts at wedding because her parents will not do anything more for her. In these days girls are also given property so both spouses should share marriage expenses 50-50.


    But dear, if you don't mingle with your inlaws and just stay there because you have to and don't want to, but make your husband to mingle with your brothers and parents, is it fair? You should also mingle with your inlaws, too. Or your husband will start seeing that you don't make any effort with his family and nicely try to escape from them by going shopping etc and may revolt against making effort with your family too.
     
  10. Renu1999

    Renu1999 Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi anu,
    I dont personally like my MIl but I do stay there for long time when I go to India. But she never lets my husband to stay in my house for long time. and my husband is also not willing to stay in my house for long time. I am the only daughter so I just want my husband to stay with my parents more that when we visit India ,.
     

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