Why should she oblige to reconcile?

rheaa · Sep 28, 2011

Why should she oblige to reconcile? Why? The regular advice from families to their daughter/daughter-in-law when in a difficult situation in marriage is 'reconcile'. It is not entirely wrong but to consider the situation in which the woman is and being bold enough to face the truth by the families would save her life (literally or even from scarring her mentally). She is not illiterate. She is well-educated and can stand on her own two feet, why should she be in an abusive marriage/relationship? Is she blinded by love? Is she afraid of hurting her family? Is she worried about prestige? What reason would let a woman go back to her abusive husband inspite of being beaten up and thrown out of the house? And, she doesn't even have kids to worry about giving them a family. Then, why did she go back to him only to be murdered.

P.S. I just read a news story about a wife being murdered by her husband and I have written this. Literally, I am fuming with anger and disturbed with helplessness. I have seen a dear friend who went through a similar situation but fotunately, still alive. So, anytime I come to know about such things I just wish I could do something to help a woman but sadly, we usually know them only after the damage is done.

sreemanavaneeth · Sep 28, 2011

Hai rheaa,

As you have mentioned we came to know everything only after the damage which was severe. It is in every human mind she is my life partner she should be taken care well by not torturing her too much. It is in the hands of the male that his better half should not become a bitter half for the entire life. One to one discussion, problem analysation will always pave good and healthy life of human.Killing or illtreating is not the solution of any life problem. Nice topic you have made it in a crisp and short way dear friend

AkilaMani · Sep 28, 2011

Dear rheaa,

I too share your views dear. I know they give a lot of psychological theory behind why the absued returns to the abuser.... but i still don't get it... while would any sane person return back to an abusive relationship. In the indian scenario, i would guess that it would be the society makes her consider reconciliation, which to me is a hipocracy and double standard.... would they do it to a man if he were abused by his wife? We keep talking about women's liberation, what we really need is a total make over of the mentality of the entire society. And society is not something alien, it is just you and me and all those we know. I see light in the distant horizon, it will illuminates the entire world, but until it does we will have to hold candlelights!

Akila

rheaa · Sep 28, 2011

sreemanavaneeth;bt70787 said:

Hai rheaa,

As you have mentioned we came to know everything only after the damage which was severe. It is in every human mind she is my life partner she should be taken care well by not torturing her too much. It is in the hands of the male that his better half should not become a bitter half for the entire life. One to one discussion, problem analysation will always pave good and healthy life of human.Killing or illtreating is not the solution of any life problem. Nice topic you have made it in a crisp and short way dear friend
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Thank you sreemanavaneeth for your appreciation. It is true that the numerous ways to deal with the situation, as you mentioned, could result in better solution but unfortunately, it is not always so.

rheaa · Sep 28, 2011

Akila Mani;bt70790 said:

Dear rheaa,

I too share your views dear. I know they give a lot of psychological theory behind why the absued returns to the abuser.... but i still don't get it... while would any sane person return back to an abusive relationship. In the indian scenario, i would guess that it would be the society makes her consider reconciliation, which to me is a hipocracy and double standard.... would they do it to a man if he were abused by his wife? We keep talking about women's liberation, what we really need is a total make over of the mentality of the entire society. And society is not something alien, it is just you and me and all those we know. I see light in the distant horizon, it will illuminates the entire world, but until it does we will have to hold candlelights!

Akila
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Dear Akila,

Thank you for stopping by and adding your views. I wonder in awe how a highly educated woman could fall into the loop of reconcilation just because of societal pressure, I wish the new-age woman is not like that but sadly, some of us are. Hope the light in the distant horizon moves faster towards us or rather should I say, hope we move faster towards the light at the horizon.

shyamala1234 · Sep 29, 2011

Hi Rheaa,
I also do not understand why anyone should live in an abusive marriage....even the girls who are educated, having good jobs. Not enough courage? Society is not that bad to castigate them. Every one is busy with their lives. Sometimes I blame girl's parents also for not giving enough support...they have old opinions and want their daughter to stay in marriage...rather than out of it. I read somewhere...failure is not a failure if one has a support system. So, at least let us give that support rather than gossip about. We do not know what battle everyone is facing.

rheaa · Sep 30, 2011

shyamala1234;bt70843 said:

Hi Rheaa,
I also do not understand why anyone should live in an abusive marriage....even the girls who are educated, having good jobs. Not enough courage? Society is not that bad to castigate them. Every one is busy with their lives. Sometimes I blame girl's parents also for not giving enough support...they have old opinions and want their daughter to stay in marriage...rather than out of it. I read somewhere...failure is not a failure if one has a support system. So, at least let us give that support rather than gossip about. We do not know what battle everyone is facing.
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Thank you shyamala for commenting on my blog. I liked what you said about failure - failure is not a failure if one has a support system.

aaral · Oct 12, 2011

If women being abused had somewhere to go where they felt safe and have time to recover, may be they will have the courage. If one studied these cases of the girls going back to abusive relationships is because they have nowhere to go. Their parents are often the first people to send her back. If she is working(without child) then she definitely has the option to leave and stay in a working women's hostel. For financially dependent women what option do they have??????? Nobody friends, family offer them support. The society has to make domestic violence punishable .

rheaa · Oct 14, 2011

Thank you aaral for visiting my blog and dropping your valuable comment.

roamin · Nov 30, 2011

Yup. While the abusive relationship and the people involved in one are topics of complex psychological analysis, the big issue here is that in our society people are still ignorant about "domestic violence" and offer no help to the victim in getting out of such a relationship. I have known a woman (a doctor) murdered by her doctor husband, and also know another doctor (a superspecialist!) who is abused by her superspecialist husband, and after so much of counselling (she is a close friend) and motivation (including getting her addresses of lawyers), I have not yet managed to talk her into stop taking the s***. So my point is that if highly qualified, financially independent women from big cities also cannot walk out of domestic abuse, then we are a looooong way from helping non working women from traditional families standing up for their rights.