Why most women like Brother-in-law (devar) but don't like Sister-in-law (Nanad)

yes that is true...i have a nanad my hubbys younger sis...b4 marriage used to think that she will be like my sister...but the prob was that she did not see me as her sister...for her i was the "bahu" of the family nd i better behave like one...now she is not even a friend...our dislike is mutual:rant...she used to judge me like she was my mil nd if i would say anything
(like just give a suggestion or even encourage her:bonk) it was long faces in the house nd i would get the message from my dh that i shud not say anything to her...she does not like it:bonk...so now i mind my own business nd laugh at all the foolish things mother nd daughter do:rotfl

 

The elder SIL- another Mil

The younger SIL-(even if she is a schoolgirl)-
1.an alter ego of mil
2.a spy appointed by mil to post her with info on what bhabhi and bhaiya spoke ,did etc
3.a person who views you more as a competitor/intruder rather than a friend.
(of course,there are exceptions to this rule)

The younger Bil-
1. Not usually a devout listener and obedient slave of Mamma Dear so she keeps him away from her devious designs. hence less corrupt and naive.

2.His carefree and impish behavior comes to the Bhabhi as a whiff of fresh air in a stifled atmosphere and hence she sees in him her little brother to whom she was so close to back home-hence the liking.
The elder one is more of a little fil of a boss -so only formal relationship-if it exceeded her name is also easily tainted, so she is careful.

 

Is your opinion about SIL based on your personal experience or the pre-conceived notions. You think she views you more as a competitor, but what about yourself or in general what about bhabhis, they too view SIL as friend/daughter/sister OR rival to DH's attention. The OP has also asked that bhabhis cant consider SIL as sister/daughter even if they are nice.

If your own sister is not good to you sometimes don't you patch up with them and forgive them? Sometimes our own sister irritates us, use our things without permission, tease us, try to interfere, want to share our things like cloths, makeup etc, fight with us, tease our DH (their jijaji), ask for gifts from us and our DH, expect from us that we and our DH (their jijaji) take them or invite them with us when we hang out but even after all those issuse we don't mind at all, isn't this true, we don't feel jealous when they tease their jijaji infront of us and even our DH teasing or praising them.

But we dont want to forgive SIL for such things in any case. And if BIL even pass non-veg comments, we (women) dont mind right? But SIL ask something personal, want to know details about how they spend honeymoon, bhabhis call it interference. If they want to use our makeup etc. then bhabhis call it lack of manners. If our DH praise them or tease them, hug them then bhabhis feel jealous. If DH give them gifts bhabhis think SILs are greedy. If SILs tease bhabhi, want to call her regularly, want to share words with her and spend time with her, bhabhis feel they are irritating and intruding.

Ofcourse if SIL is too much interfering and dominating we cant let it go but sometimes bhabhis are too much insecure of SIL without any reason. Most Brother's wife (Bhabhi) feels that SILs are always competitive, jealous and insecure but did you made an effort to find out why they are jealous and insecure? Are these SILs insecure because knowingly or unknowingly Brother's wife (Bhabhis) are giving them cold shoulders?

I too have a younger 14 year old SIL so I understand this relationship very better. I very well know that unknowingly if I will neglect my SIL she may start feeling insecure and feel that I am stealing away her brother. So I always take care that she never feel neglected, even encourage and remind DH that he should spend time with her regularly, I am always trying to make her feel that she is very important part of my and her brother's life.

Trust me, develop good relation with SIL, make her feel special, give her the attention she wants like greeting, calling, praising, giving little gifts regularly, encourage DH to give her more attention if you have sensed she is feeling leftout, dont enjoy and feel glad negatively when you come to know that SIL is insecure of you, if you treat them as your sisters, forgive their little things or incase if they are not a nice person try to kill them with kindness, then see they will come over their competitiveness, jealousy and insecurity one day.
(I know it doesn't apply to all the cases where nanad's behavior is too much dominating, interfering abusive and unbearable, but my opinion is do not develop bias for SIL for little things)

This bhabhis sometimes think that My DH now only belong to me and no more a son of MIL and no more a brother of SIL. But however she don't think of BIL and FIL that way bcoz she feels they are more safe.

Either it be BIL or it be SIL, if anyone is evil then it is difficult to stand them. But if both of them are nice then why this bhabhis get this mother instinct/sister instinct for BIL but not for SIL? If both are nice, then why devar is like son but nanad (younger) is not like daughter or sister (elder one)

This is such an interesting topic and lets Understand what OP is trying to ask. The question here the OP has raised it signifies that 'Women are the greatest enemy of Women'. 'Women is the biggest competitor and biggest envy of Women'. Am I right? :idea

Again here the same question, Is this opinion based on your personal experience or the pre-conceived notions. Its funny that most of the wives complain that DH is mamma's boy and generally most men are mamma's boys, but here you are mentioning that Devar (BIL) who is also male is not a Mamma's boy so less corrupt.

Secondly when the same BIL gets married and again problem with co-sis arise then usually bhabhis don't feel for BIL the same way like she was feeling for him before he was married, and now just like the tennis doubles game here the competition arise in doubles, i.e. between two couples.

 

very valid point. But a husband is under no pressure to be extra nice towards his SIL, whereas a wife is under pressure to treat her SIL extra respectfully. The expectations are very different.

Exactly. I was feeling the same. Bcos I have seen this practically. Before marriage, generally BILs are considered nuetral, but once married, there is always a competition between couples however much we deny that.


I think in general, it depends on the mentality of the said IL. There are plenty of not so nice BILs too who listen to their mother's words and ill treat bhabhis.

 

yes..very true..

I have twin brothers-in-law..younget to me..and one SIL elder to us by 7 years..
SIL is equal to having another MIL
MIL gives her all updtaes about me what i am doing or what i did when i was there in their home..she gives necessary comments to MIL about me..
She also tells me that I should frequently visit in laws place..
But all these advices are only for me..nothing applies for her :
She never visits her inlaws..saying her inlwas are no more..and no need for her to visit her brothers-in-law and their wives..
She doesnot know how to talk to people,..but expects all should respect her..
She is always telling my mIl that brother n his wife both are earning ..and they have to give my husband a diamond ring!!..
are we earning so that we can spend it on SIL?
I used to get irritated at her behavior..but now have decided to ignore her...n m happy

My BILs are very very sweeet..they are going to college..and whenever I go to inlaws place, and MIl says some harsh words to me..They comfort me ..they unserstand me so well..they are always like bhabhi bhabhi..i love them a lot..and really care for them..they are always there for me..and i respect them a lot..

Finally I feel..you need to earn respect..you dont get it for free.....

 

Hi Soumya,

I have one SIL who is 14 years old, she is my DH's cousin sister but adopted by my PIL, I really love her and so my DH, she is soooo sweet and cute little girl. I am very close to her. But as we are just 10 years apart, i.e. I was 10 when she was born, so its bit wierd to write she is like my daughter but yaaa, she is like my sweet little baby sister. Truely its a bonus more for her than me.:rotfl
SHE IS MY DH'S PRINCESS, BUT I DONT FEEL JEALOUS FOR THAT, I am proud that my DH loves her like his daughter and I always feel happy to see them having fun together.