why is the relationship with in-laws always a matter of war?

reshsabu · Jan 24, 2009

In a marriage, there are 2 individuals who are brought up in different ways in different families. Each one is used to certain ways of living till then. But once you are married, all adjustments are expected to be done by the wife alone.

In-laws are rarely sensitive enough to understand her ways and help her in getting used to her new life.

Another reason is that many in-laws dont like to let-go of their son to go and live his own life even when he gets married. They like to control life of the couple. They start interfering and deciding everything for them which includes very personal things like what they should so with their salaries, when they should have kids, how often the girl should visit her parents and so on. The daughter in law's opinions are rarely given importance.

I feel these are the main reasons why relationships with in-laws gets strained.

ennaye · Jan 24, 2009

Mothers-in -law are a butt of many a joke not any of them complimentary.

They are always demonised, even , at times , unnecessarily so.

Many a daughter-in-law does not want the in-laws to be around once the son is married. It is not so with respect to their own parents. They want them around and expect the husband to be amiable to them also open his wallet for their good.

These days marrying off the child is akin to losing the child. Many old people feel so. Most D-I-Ls want to hold back their spouse from being of any help to their parents.

So any wonder that the relationship with inlaws is strained?

Rihana · Jan 24, 2009

reshsabu said: ↑

In a marriage, there are 2 individuals who are brought up in different ways in different families. Each one is used to certain ways of living till then. But once you are married, all adjustments are expected to be done by the wife alone.

In-laws are rarely sensitive enough to understand her ways and help her in getting used to her new life.

Another reason is that many in-laws dont like to let-go of their son to go and live his own life even when he gets married. They like to control life of the couple. They start interfering and deciding everything for them which includes very personal things like what they should so with their salaries, when they should have kids, how often the girl should visit her parents and so on. The daughter in law's opinions are rarely given importance.

I feel these are the main reasons why relationships with in-laws gets strained.
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So true and stated so succintly and clearly. If guys could go live with their wives after marriage without they or wife feeling guilty about it, and in-laws decided that their son is now grown-up and can make his own decisions, more than half of in-laws related problems will go away.
And, yes, daughter-in-law's opinions are rarely given importance. If at all, they are given as much importance as given to that of an oldest child's opinion in the household. Of course, this is generalizing, as will any responses to such a generic topic.