Why in-laws want to act like parents for our babies?

Hey girl,

Why are you even taking your MIL seriously? Just tell her that you are the MOM and you will take care of the baby yourself. Just ignore her. She cannot steal your baby from you by force. What are you afraid of? Is it that you think your husband is going to take sides with MIL? Even if he does, tell him firmly that its your baby and no one can force you to separate from him/her.

Relax girl, learn to ignore your IL's and their tantrums. Nobody can steal what is yours. Don't get upset and ruin precious pregnancy time. You are just worrying yourself sick by taking all this too seriously.

Your MIL sounds like a nut and even if your hubby suffering from some kind of oedipal complex, he will come back to you when the baby arrives. He will realize that the baby and you make up his family.

 

Whats your husbands take on this? have you talked to him about this, between just the 2 of you? if he sees nothing wrong in it, ask him whos he having the baby for.. is it for him or is it for somebody else.. if its for otehrs ask him to bear his own..
This is your flesh and blood and you decide if you want your baby with you or you want him/her to grow up in India.
I have seen this happening with people.. a family frnds daughter and her husband , both were doing higher and even higher studies in US and in different cities. They had a kid, same age as mine and the kid spent around couple of yrs with his grandmom in india. initially both set of GPs went and stayed to help, but finally they resorted to this.
Another set of couple, same situation, the girl just had her baby now when they both finally settled down in 1 place and shes 32yrs when she finally had her kid.
Its what worked for each.
i dont say i understand how somebody can have kids and have them live across the world, but i guess to each his/her own.

Since you feel strongly about not sending your child away, then you need to make it clear to all concerned. First talk to your DH and see if he stands with this decision of yours when time comes. Maybe hes just laughing it off now to avoid a clash now! you need to find that out. Since your MIL is plotting this way, make sure you dont have to depend on her later to take care of the baby. Make a plan now, if you are going back to work before the kid is old enough for daycare. But i guess in US it would be a creche and possible for smaller kids too?

Good luck and next time your MIL brings up this again laugh and reply that you are making this baby to have her/him with you . Its your turn to be a parent now since they already played their role of parents to babies with your DH & BIL. Now they cna enjoy their life as GPs.
Laugh it off and dont show her its eating you up..

 

The e,g I gave of my neighhbor he does everything at home, he cooks meal, goes to office, grocery , since his wife cannot drive. He does most of home work after office

 

Hi there,

I think you have to be really firm on this. Next time she calls up and says something along the lines of "we will take the baby with us" or whatever, just say "no thanks, we are going to keep the baby with us and manage by ourselves. Dont want to trouble you at this age".

I am saying this from experience, while my inlaws were here, my MIL would want to do everything for the baby. While some may say it is very sweet and I appreciate the fact that they were here to help me, she would go OTT with it all. How can I bond with the baby when she would try to take him from me all the time? It really ate me up as I did not want to say anything to hurt them. Finally, I managed to put my point across strongly which they did not like. Anyways, things were okay after that. So I know how it can be. I am sure they may be really excited as their grandchild is coming but if you dont say anything now, they will assume that you are okay with them taking the baby and going. Just say "NO" (in a nice way) and mean it.

 

Ottawa, I have same ILaws who dont stop mentioning that they're taking my daughter to raise her own ways.. they're already highly upset that she looks like me & not her own daughter & I guess now they dont want her to take up my habits. I was highly irritated cos she wont give me my DD for more than 10 mins at a stretch even after birth & I confirmed with my DH.. to which he said he's not opened up a baby center to produce kids for others & he cant stay without kids. .. it just his mom is attached.

This was basically to fulfill SILs desire of having a daughter or whatever reason.. they think that working couples can take care of their kids... she maintained this from day 1 of marriage.. you produce kids.. carry on work & leave them with us.. we'll raise it.

When they met me in room post deliv.. no one asked how are you.. they said DD looked like their own daughter and will fit in her family.

Earlier I had daytime nanny for kids & each time I wud leave for job FIL would say slyly.. dont cry let her go, job is more imp for her.. we'll take care of you.
When I placed them in creche FIL said wonder how many sweets can be bought every month for the money spent in creche.
When the day nanny was there and the child cried ILs wud say she purposely teases them and makes them cry... when I made her quit they started speaking same for me that I tease my own children & make them cry... I really wonder which mother on this earth can do that.

ILs have a lot of rubbish in their head so dont take it seriously, no one has the guts to take away your child.. each time they're ready to leave they're almost ready to pack bags for my DD but keep waiting for their son to nod... she also stated in front of all for me... who's DIL to decide, its just my son who wont be able to stay with her!!!!!!!!!! :bowdown

I think from her irrational behaviour I can conclude only 1 thing.. u took away my son, I'll take away your child.. this is irrespective that she herself isolated FIL from his family.

 

ya even my mil is crazy
the other day i was talking about different names we are thinking for kid if its a boy or girl and she suddenly comes from kitchen and says you guyz dont have to take the pain of seletcing names we can do it not stupid names you keep..i was like what??? this is my first baby..she had 2 kids and had chance of naming them why my kid again?
and she says about school dressing etc from now itslef
i dont mind if its a suggestion however i dont like anyone inclucing my parents other than my dh to impose something on a kid who is not born yet

 

My MIL was hell bent on naming my son after some god. I wonder why she didn't think of giving her own kids old Gods' names. My DH and all his siblings have modern names.:bonk

 

Hey Ottawagirl,

Congrats on your baby! I don't think your in-laws will take your child to be with them, I think that it is all talk. Your MIL wants to be heard and she wants to come across as the all loving and wonderful grandma that cannot be away from his son's baby. When push comes to shove, she'll probably say adios and come back later.

If she is persistent about it, you should tell your husband about this and how she keeps bringing it up. It's his kid too, he'll talk to her and set her straight. If he does not take a stand against his mom, then just tell her that you don't plan to send your child to India with them.

Having your mom come to take care of you is your choice. Just tell her that you would rather have your mother and of course it is "tradition". That's should do it.

Enjoy your pregnancy!

 

Dear,
I saw this old post and just wanted to reach out. I hope you are doing well and this problem is resolved.

my MIL is similar except that I managed to keep her at bay and she did not come for delivery.

during one of my chats with her she told that I can leave the baby with her and peacefully work...I told her that for me job is not important I can leave it if need be but I cannot live without my child.She backed off after that.

Hopefully you have told her off.