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Why I Believe That Grand Parents Aren't Baby Sitters?

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by Myliltwincesses, Feb 14, 2020.

  1. anika987

    anika987 Finest Post Winner

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    Agreed but the problem is when people come for four to six months.

    Abroad we don’t have any help.Imagine the lady of the house taking care of the entire home,cookjng,cleaning,kids,their activities plus the in-laws.That is not fair.In many cases,the in-laws taunts are very tough to handle when we are already physically tired.

    If the elders are willing to come for two weeks or max three it is fine.Months together and no help and we doing extra work is not fair at all.

    They also fail to understand India and America are very different and life is two poles apart.

    “ There are always two sides to a story”

    The elders never talk about the younger generation problems.Infact they feel we are obligated for what they did for us and made to feel guilty.At the end of the day..everything falls on the dil responsibility
     
  2. Topaz49

    Topaz49 Gold IL'ite

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    Many were asked to come for 4 to 6 months. Sorry, many after the 1st visit/1st child are NOT eagerly waiting to come here to US, where they are not living in their home, no friends/social life, friends, can’t drive ….The people who bring them want as much help as possible. Their air ticket is pretty much one week’s baby sitter cost for 2 kids. If husband and wife work, they are working to make money; with that goes other expenses … and child care is just another of such expenses.

    How is it you are doing a favor, when they baby sit, cook, clean … Many of the younger generations parents AND in-laws are educated and try to adjust. True they don’t understand younger generation problems.

    Many times they don’t respect younger generations need for privacy and independence/freedom. Yet, in many cases, they hit a balance between their help and their lack of understanding.
     
    Myliltwincesses and Amica like this.
  3. anika987

    anika987 Finest Post Winner

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    We are here talking out of personal experience and what we actually went through and not just hear say.

    One has to go through.If there are elders who are so good sure there are younger generation who are really good too.

    My mil comes here for six months and she hated me even going out of grocery coz she thought it was entertainment.She will just sit and watch tv all day when I am doing extra work after they come only to be taunted and my regular life came to a standstill.I used to go out and sit in the car and cry.


    So one cannot talk without knowing the reality.

    Again most these days abroad do not ask them to come for six months.Women are trying to do things by themselves these days as they don’t want to be troubled or give trouble.

    People living abroad are not partying all day! We also face so many issues and social life and when the woman is struggling with the baby instead of atleast providing emotional help,the elders are more concerned about their social life??

    I don’t even remember a vacation without my in-laws.They partake in all my joys but never in my pain.

    Entertainment mom should be included but work also the dil should do all day.

    who said they cook and clean??Hell no.I never ask them so do the women I know but they are willing to cook for “their son” and I know a mil who will not drink tea until the dil comes home and give it in her hand.Many women here live like in 1920.

    Life needs a balance.It is not like people in America are using elders.It is a very strong statement.We here do not even trouble them and the ones who are complaining are only telling their side of the story.

    Can we dil sit in India at in-laws home all day watching TV despite having servants?Will they like it?? I was told by my mil that she is not running a hotel.So we dil are not servants nor are we running a hotel here abroad.

    Every stay has a limit.both the sides.
     
    Last edited: Feb 20, 2020
  4. anika987

    anika987 Finest Post Winner

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    Sorry if I had spoken out of line guys but every time younger generation getting blamed and elders victimized is tough to deal.I don’t want to fight with my IL friends so I will stop replying to this thread
     
  5. Needtobestrong

    Needtobestrong Gold IL'ite

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    I don’t agree that relationships are like business...but there should be some give and take...
    I wouldn’t go out of the way to be nice or support a person who ill treats me...would do so much for people who care about me and help me in need or supportive to me in some way or the other..
    Applies to all relationships...Wouldn’t judge those who distance themselves from elders due to bad treatment by them...towards them or grand kids...
     
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  6. Needtobestrong

    Needtobestrong Gold IL'ite

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    Grass is always greener on the other side...
    I used to think wrongly, years ago, that people in US are lucky, they don’t stay with in laws..
    Slowly realised reality that given the cost of air tickets, most in laws stay six months a year with son and DIL...if there are small kids and no domestic helps and grand parents expect three freshly cooked new meals a day without help it’s tough...
    But I know of many in laws who are understanding, learn to operate dishwasher , adjust with food and look after baby willingly ...my cousin who lives abroad..not in US but other country, has parents coming to stay six months, in laws the next six months ...they take turns...throughout the year ....as she is working...no nanny...they willingly look after her kid..she is lucky I guess...
     
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  7. Amica

    Amica IL Hall of Fame

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    Grandparents aren't built-in babysitters. And children aren't a retirement plan.

    But life sometimes throws us curve balls and grandparents end up babysitting while depending on their adult children.

    Whatever arrangement is in place — whether by choice or circumstance — can only work if everyone involved is civil. Unfortunately some grandparents abuse their DiL and expect obeisance. When that happens, the toxicity needs to be excised and the family ends up outsourcing both babysitting and elder care.
    .
     
  8. Topaz49

    Topaz49 Gold IL'ite

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    In most of these cases the tickets are bought by the one abroad. All they have to do is buy the ticket for whatever the period you want them to come.
     
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  9. Topaz49

    Topaz49 Gold IL'ite

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    You hit the nail on the head.
    "Unfortunately some grandparents abuse their DiL" May be, but, now-a-days I know plenty of ILs help caring for young ones and they even cook. They may cook for son; but, they do not prohibit DIL from sharing. They do have differences of opinion. So, to put a label on ILs of the world isn't fair. One can say my ILs ...
     
  10. Angela123

    Angela123 Gold IL'ite

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    Some parents love it. I have a friends' mom who comes every summer even if she doesn't feel great with her health, When i talk to her she tells me "I will come whenever I can because I know they need me and will help as much as I can". Some parents enjoy it and they are happy to be here and live here.
     
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