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Why I Believe That Grand Parents Aren't Baby Sitters?

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by Myliltwincesses, Feb 14, 2020.

  1. anika987

    anika987 Finest Post Winner

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    Especially abroad..when some grandparents visit for six months and sit and do nothing but watch iPad thinking it is a hotel..it is irritating.

    Some help can be offered if one stays so long in a place where only the dil has to do housework.Else people can come for few weeks,enjoy and go back to home.Else,it gets very difficult after a while just one person working for everyone.so people should also quite understand
     
    Last edited: Feb 16, 2020
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  2. kaluputti

    kaluputti Gold IL'ite

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    all depends on the chemistry between the dil and the in laws.
    "I am totally busy, even though,I am stay at home mom.I also get tired or angry, when I manage my twins alone.."
    if in younger and fitter age you can experience that, you need to accept that older gen. too experience them..but will you tolerate when actually it happens? That is what most like to worry the g.parents while offering to babysit. The difference between a hired nanny and g.parents is the fact that 'blood is thicker than water." Situations & times may be different, but a baby is a baby when it comes to its basic needs. The problem arises only when the dil wants the pils to do what she wants them to do and when they oppose...not when pils are open to new suggestions and ideas. After all the baby is the dil's isnt it?
     
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  3. heron

    heron Platinum IL'ite

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    Kids are parents responsibility. Period. How they handle the responsibility depends on their circumstances. I firmly believe they try their best to give their children first hand love as much possible.
    I went to work after my kids entered primary, I loved that luxury and I wish I had more but thats fine. Now my second best luxury is having to save for them and again I am very greatful.

    Grandparents love is very precious and special. Kids time with grand parents is joyful for both sides. However, it cant replace parents time.


    Also on the diverted topic:
    Is slogging at office while your little one is with someone else luxury?. No
    Is it luxury to be with your children having not to worry about answering someone elses orders? Yes

    Since when luxury is offensive and then extended to lazy?. Be happy you got it!. Its not a derogatory word, many mums are wishing for it.
     
  4. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    People visiting for more than 1-2 weeks are not guests and should help out in any way they are capable of doing....specially if taking care of them or their needs is taking time away from the dil/ son's time with the kids who the parents are responsible for.

    It is not easy to take care of kids home and then ' elders' for extended periods of time without help .

    Children are the responsibility of parents and they should not expect elders to take care of them other than extreme emergencies.

    Grandparents should also not expect to be 'taken care of' all the time when the couple have small children and related responsibilities.

    Also unrelated to the op....older generation should also notice that their younger generation is also getting older and should become more reasonable about the expectations.....specially when the younger generation lives in countries where paid help is not an option like in India.
     
  5. nuss

    nuss Finest Post Winner

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    Agree wholeheartedly with the OP. Children are their parents responsibility. However, it does take a village to raise kids. Grandparents, aunts/uncles, nanny/babysitter.... help comes in different ways.
    We are extremely lucky that both set of grandparents are always willing to help. But we didn’t ask either set of parents to help us post delivery. My in-laws stayed with us for a week with both kids but mostly because they were too excited to not come and they lived a t driving distance from us. My parents visited us when kids were a bit older.... first birthdays both time but we never expected them to babysit. Kids were in daycare/ with babysitter and grandparents enjoyed the weekends and afternoons without having to run after them.
    However, my in-laws helped us quite a lot. They drove once a month to meet our son and whenever we needed their help, they were always ready to help. Now, we live on the opposite coast and they can only visit us few times a year.
    We were also fortunate to find a babysitter who loved our son like her own. I was lucky to have 3 months off with my son and 8 months with my daughter. Our flexible job schedule also helped.
    Both of our families have been a constant support for us. My in-laws travel with us within the USA when we both need to attend a conference and take care of the kids during the day. My older sister has traveled to Europe with us to help with the kids for a few hours (usually we take turns to attend sessions and share notes).
    In my humble opinion, not expecting our parents to be our babysitters have helped both parties. They graciously offer to help when we have a genuine need and we are happy that our kids get to spend quality time with both sets of grandparents.

    I have heard a lot of stories of hard feelings when parents come for delivery and stay for 5-6 months in the USA. My best friend invited her mom for 3 months and in-laws for 4-5 months during her first delivery. It ended up being more hassle than help. Lot of fights and arguments etc. For her second baby, she decided not to invite anyone and instead they hired a daula/nanny.
     
  6. Needtobestrong

    Needtobestrong Gold IL'ite

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    That's your point of view..
    But working women also have many luxuries which stay at home moms cant afford...like cooks and full maids for all household work...outsourcing brings relief...while most SAHMs can't afford it and have to get up early to do everything in their own and end up getting exhausted and burnt out anyway..getting up at 4.30 am and going to sleep at 11pm overhwlemed with doing all house work and running after kids...most working women earning well I know go on expensive vacations quite often, like every month or every alternate month... buy high end designer clothes, gadgets and jewellery.....among my family and friends circle I mean...who are living in India..this wouldn't be possible for a couple with single income of middle or upper middle class who need to spend for kids education, support retired in laws , pay EMIs etc...and now kids education is damned expensive.. it costs 1.5 lakh per annum for school fee in a good school...transport and other charges etc extra..not a small amount for one kid itself...2 kids even tougher.. not possible to spend much on other stuff when you need to spend that kind of money and also send some.money every month to in laws and bear some of their expense.. .stay at home moms have to live with inlaws for extended durations while working ladies are away from them for long durations and have an outlet...whether sitting at home with kids or going for work., everything has its price...so luxury is subjective term...what is luxury for one person is necessity for other...not to argue with you, or start a debate, just an observation....
     
  7. heron

    heron Platinum IL'ite

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    I never said they had it easy or that they readily have their own savings to spend as they please. I was a sahm for 7yrs ( with lightweight wfh jobs now and then). I know what I am saying is with a chunk of experience.

    And then I went in for full time , on one hand the relief that I have a new resource to work and on the other hand, the chance to enjoy those silly little things with children slipped away ( something I took granted for). It was a luxury actually, the fulfilment it gave made it a luxury for me.
    I am for one who works but always find myself involuntarily vouching for sahms.

    Anyway, I agree with you. Having to work gives you loads of perks too. I am in it now so I am greatful to in a different way.Like you said, different people different opinions. Agreed.

    I see both you and Anika are looking for work. I wish all the very best to both of you :) and hope you both find what you are looking for.

    Op sorry for these long diversions :sconf:.
     
    Last edited: Feb 16, 2020
  8. Needtobestrong

    Needtobestrong Gold IL'ite

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    Nice of you to share your point of view..
    I would love to go for work when toddler is older.. I’m really missing my office days and fixed salary credited to my account every month, and I would really benefit from extra income...Its pretty hectic now and I have health issues now and then which need to be sorted out..no full time support from elders as they all have their own limitations and other commitments making them unavailable several months a year...that’s why this thread got my attention...
    But this thread makes me think, and I m quite determined not to keep any high expectations from elders, rather I’m just hoping I’ll get adequate support when the time comes for me to go for a full time job..
     
    Last edited: Feb 16, 2020
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  9. anika987

    anika987 Finest Post Winner

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    True not grandparents responsibility but after our kids why are we responsible taking care of the grandparents? Isn’t it our time to rest?
    So our kids are obligated to take care of us too?
     
  10. Rihana

    Rihana Finest Post Winner

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    Agree. I would not call being a SAHM a luxury. It can be a choice that some have, some don't. Having the choice is also not a luxury.
     

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