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Why Dont I Think And Speak

Discussion in 'Health Issues' started by amnilakshmi, Aug 17, 2022.

  1. amnilakshmi

    amnilakshmi Gold IL'ite

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    Hi All,

    I feel this is a big issue. I am going on talking without even thinking. and later realize that i shouldnt have said certain things. Please help me . IS this some serious disease. I am losing my confidence and dont know where this will lead to.
     
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  2. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    This is not a health issue, but a problem with your communication.

    It is always important to think, process & speak. While speaking, it is important to focus on the audience. You can't use the same words to convey a message to a toddler and an elder. The environment in which you communicate matters, and more importantly the mood of the listener should be considered as well.

    Your words and actions determine who you are. So, you just can't simply say I don't think before I speak. As an adult, you must be responsible for what you speak/do.

    I had issues with my tone in the past. I still have issues with choosing the right word. I am sure, working on self, and practicing helps.
     
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  3. amnilakshmi

    amnilakshmi Gold IL'ite

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    HI SGBV,

    Thanks for your response. I would like to know more about "working on self, and practicing helps"... What exactly is needed to be done ? I tried mindfulness but that doesnt work for me. I am talking nonsense when stressed which is most of the time. .
     
  4. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    What comes out is what's inside.

    If you have positivity, happiness, good thoughts and calmness inside, that will come out with grace.
    If you have negativity, hatred, bitterness and tension inside, that will come out with a tone & attitude because people do like to mask negative emotions by portraying another.

    Therefore, it is important to work what is in the inside. That's what we call "working on self"

    What is causing you stress? What is making you upset & negative, which is eventually spilling out?
     
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  5. sociallifein30s

    sociallifein30s Silver IL'ite

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    try out some personality development courses. Generally they do help. Ramakrishna Math has some such courses.
    I think most of what we say is definitely intentional. Nothing is involuntary.
    I also speak out unnecessary things. But while speaking I am conscious and I do it to just express anger.
    But I also know there is a more delicate way to handle those emotions but it is on purpose. I think its just out of lack of respect for the person im speaking to. That also needsto be curbed, but it is in progress. Just because someone else is bad, doesnt give me the excuse to be bad.
     
  6. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra IL Hall of Fame

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    @amnilakshmi,

    You are not the first one to do so and you are certainly not going to be the last. Many of us have said things which we regreted later. But if you are consistently doing it, you need to address it through an internal dialogue.

    Please work on reducing your voice to something close to whisper. When you do that, the tone you maintain gets automatially subsided. Speak softly and sweetly should be always your goal. Always assume you are talking to yourself so that it automatically becomes softer. Always remember that you can't always oblige but you can speak obligingly. Remember that the words spoken can be as sharp as a knife creating a permanent injury to a relationship. Before you talk, apply the following formula; a) is it true?, b) is it necessary?, c) will it help the person in front of you? d) will it demonstrate me as a person of great character and integrity? and lastly, e) is it better than remaining silent?

    Practice your speech when you are alone mentally and see how refined it is or how refined it needs to be. When you are in someone's company, have a stop watch and notice how long you talk when compared to those in front of you. Also control and resist the tendence to speak when someone else is talking. Resist your urge to speak loudly and quickly before talking. Practice speaking slowly and clearly only what is necessary.

    Always remember only three things happen in our lives. One is receipt of information. Apparently, you can decide what to receive. The second part is reaction that happens as an internal chatter. Most of us spend a lot of time in this part a lot. Another important thing is we tend to connect all our past experiences with the same person or different person as a benchmark to determine how to react. If you keep refining this process, you will learn to control how to react internally and consider each experience as independent of each other. The last part is the response part where you communicate how you feel or what your thought process is. This is where you need to use a lot of restrain as it is like money and once it gets out, there is no way to get it back. Always remember, every time you speak, you are sacrificing your time to teach others something or something invaluable you could have learned using that time. Speech has to be budgeted and should be used only when it helps you improve your own personality and character. Increase your attention span and try to concentrate on what others are saying. Avoid preparing yourself for what you were going to say when others are talking.

    In summary, always remember what you believe as your strength is more valuable than others' opinion. You don't need validation from others to learn who you are.

    These are some generaly guidlines for you to improve, in my humble view.
     
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  7. vidhyalakshmid

    vidhyalakshmid Platinum IL'ite

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    Golden words! Entire writeup is well said.
     
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  8. vidhyalakshmid

    vidhyalakshmid Platinum IL'ite

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    Thirukkural (famous tamil book by Thiruvalluvar) has one chapter (10 verses) HOW TO SPEAK and effects of speech சொல்வன்மை. But Viswa sir has given many dimensions. I have to improve my response part more than other things.
     
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  9. 1Sandhya

    1Sandhya Platinum IL'ite

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    I suggest you keep a daily journal for a period of time like 2-3 months. Daily you write down the incidents, as it happened, what you thought, said, how you feel now, what you should have done differently etc. Writing about the incident immediately after it happens helps you relive the incident while the feelings and emotions are fresh in your mind. Be honest. If you are angry at yourself write that also. Then slowly things will occur to you. I should have stopped there, remembered this, done that differently or whatever. Write out a whole set of instructions for yourself for ‘next time’. Then put it away. Next encounter the same emotions will strike you but now you also will remember what you wrote down for yourself. Sooner or later, maybe not immediately but after a few repetitions one fine day you WILL pause long enough before blurting out what you shouldn’t have and try the other path as a trial. Then you will see how that plays out. Partly it will work partly not. slowly refine your approach. Personally this method was very helpful to me.

    Another thought after I reread your note. Are you lonely or alone in your life or not spending much time around people currently? Then it can happen - when you meet someone the pent up thoughts just burst out and you are unable to stop yourself. After you greet the person once the pleasantries are done you are unable to stop yourself and just keep talking. I call it the truth serum effect :). Everything comes out. I see this often on my daily walks. People looking at the ground talking compulsively to their companion who’s lost in their own thoughts. They need to blurt out everything good or bad. If that’s the case it’s because you are very lonely. Try to remedy by creating situations where you meet people or are around people more often weekly. Create more social opportunities like volunteer in temple or library, go for walks etc.
     
    Last edited: Aug 18, 2022
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  10. amnilakshmi

    amnilakshmi Gold IL'ite

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    Yes.. you are correct. I feel lonely all the time. I find it difficult to mingle with people. Unable to maintain friendships. Dont know what to talk if I meet people. Suggestions are welcome
     

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