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Why do we women do the liitle things

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by jothi, Mar 3, 2007.

  1. jothi

    jothi Senior IL'ite

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    Ladies, Gentlemen,

    Here is something that I came across in the Hindu Metro Plus today. Please take a look at this link The Hindu : Metro Plus Chennai / Gender : Those little things

    Why do we women do the liitle things that have no logical reason....Craig hit a nerve in me. Is this really true? Are we being stereotyped here...
    I know my husband sometimes (ok may be a little more than sometimes) feels the way Craig does? Do all men feel that way. How about the men in all your lives ladies?
    May be Mr. Sridhar and the other men here in IL can give us their perspective on this article. What do you ladies think about this article.

    Waiting for your responses,
    Jothi.




     
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  2. Shanvy

    Shanvy IL Hall of Fame

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    hi jothi,
    Craig has just come out with his view point. Whether we agree/disagree is again selfanalysis. I think basically women don't just do things. they think and analyse things. (but exception. i would like to quote a muslim friend, we had this interesting discussion on talaaq. she said women cannot go for divorce so easily, because they take decisions on the spur of the moment. they donot rationalise... i have been pondering on it whether it was another of their..... i don't want to get into controversies.. and i think i have moved out of the topic.)

    Though you cannot say every women is possessive. a very possessive person makes, the other person's life miserable be it man/women. it can be either of them. Believe me, when i say this, i have seen both categories. and have seen the hell the other person goes through.

    I think there should be a little breathing space in any relationship.

    More discussions are welcome.
    yes as you stated analysis from a man's perspective also would be interesting.
     
  3. varalotti

    varalotti IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Jothi,

    That was a good piece of writing by Craig. But as a man who lived with the same woman for the past one-fourth of a century, as a man who has has the blessing of having so many women fans and one among the very few men to be in the panel of authors in Womans Era I have strong views on this article.

    Possessiveness is not a sexual attribute. We cant say only women are possessive. I have seen men who are even more so. Lets say we are in a party. And a beautiful woman is in conversation with a handsome man. Now we need to look at the facial expressions of her husband/boyfriend. You can see jealousy in its rawest form.

    Another proof. If you see the crime statistics of passion killings (for example the husband killing a wife for some illicit relationship, or the otherway round) you will find in a majority of cases the offenders are men and the victims are women.

    So my considered view is that men are possessive but even more so.

    Then historically why women get the blame? Two reasons are there. One a woman has a zero tolerance policy when it comes to these matters. Even if the husband were to converse with his female colleague in an office setting she gets agitated. Maybe there is some kind of insecurity burnt into her genes. Whereas most men know that their women are within their limits.

    Secondly the way in which the possessiveness is expressed. Women cannot contain that feeling and always bursts out - either in the form of questions or investigation as Craig describes that. Men on the other hand are experts are hiding their feelings. Only at extreme levels they tend to express. In many normal family situations these matters are well within limits. So men do not bother; whereas women fret and fume. That gives an optical illusion of women being more possessive than men.


    Jothi, I think we have a landmine here. Lets see how others view this.
    Regards,
    sridhar
     
  4. Shanvy

    Shanvy IL Hall of Fame

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    Well said about the zero tolerance. i think that is the primary cause for lot of things these days.
    Women tighten the noose around a man's neck by thier bursts.
    regd. men, you have to keenly observe to find how possessive they are.
    believe it ladies, your own husbands, could be the possessive in nature.
    (Mine is, but it not very obvious)

    shanthi.
     
    1 person likes this.
  5. jothi

    jothi Senior IL'ite

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    Dear Sridhar, Shanvy,

    Could not login until now cause of the weekend.

    Shanvy,

    Although Craig has wrote about his viewpoint, I think this is something that happens in a lot of families on a daily basis, women nagging and blaming their husbands. But I feel Craig is wrong to have stereotyped all women as possessive blamers. Not all women are possessive and not all men are nonpossessive. Indeed as you said,everybody needs their breathing space to have a healthy relationship.

    Sridhar,

    I agree with you on possessiveness not being a sexual attribute. Women and men both feel possessive of the person they love. I think love and possession goes hand in hand. I have seen my husband's possessive attitude first hand many a few times. I guess may be we women have to learn to be a little more nonchalant like men when it comes to showing thier emotions. Women are just wired to be more dramatic and interrogative and doubtful.
    This is definitley one of the million dollar questions, let us hope we get more views from more of our friends.

    Thanks for both of your views, hope this does'nt end here
    Jothi.
     
  6. Chitvish

    Chitvish Moderator IL Hall of Fame

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    Sharing random thoughts - no offence meant to men at all !

    Feelings are the language of the heart. Very often, the feelings you share determine the quality of your relationship, though not always!

    The husband feels very possessive of his wife, when another man stares at her ( I would’nt like to use the word, makes passes at her) and feels like hitting him the next minute. But alas, he just “stares” at other curvaceous females, happily, inspite of the wife around because , he assumes it is “mild “ and the wife, better, accept his manliness! He justifies his thoughts that " a thing of beauty is a joy forever" !
    In this case, what is good for the goose does not hold good for the gander!
    The woman’s zero-tolerance policy stems out of her deep rooted conditioning
    என் புருஷன் தான் எனக்கு மட்டும் தான்

    The DIL forever feels possessive of her husband, forgetting that her husband did not jump from heaven on the wedding day, but has a set of parents as his background.

    What to say about the possessiveness in friendship ? It assumes ugly and large proportions very often and the beauty of friendship gets lost in the process. The less discussed, the better.

    Possessiveness is an inherent quality in every human being , but reveals in varying degrees in our different facets in interaction. Let us not ever think or hope, we can rise above the same !

    We love to be possessive of our spouses but they do not like us to be possessive of them – they need more “breathing space” than what we are ready to give. The reverse is clearly not true, sadly !!

    Love,
    Chithra.

    PS - Let me not forget to add, that it does boost our ego, if we realise, somebody is feeling possessive of us - be it a man or a woman. We very often need these feelings for our own survival! Can we deny that we do love to feel wanted ?
     
    Last edited: Mar 4, 2007
  7. mahila

    mahila New IL'ite

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    chitvish madam ,you explained it so well.let me add my two cents too.even a son gets annoyed if his mom is stared at and wants to throttle the guy who does it unless his mom interferes and contains him.possesiveness is everywhere.as you said it makes us feel cherished too:)
    regards,

    swetha
     
  8. safa

    safa Bronze IL'ite

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    Chithra, you have written well.
    Possessiveness is a need in relationships. As you said, we all love to feel wanted.
    And possessiveness is seen in all types of relations. I think , it is a little bit of jealousy , so creates problems.
     
  9. jothi

    jothi Senior IL'ite

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    Dear Chitra,

    You write up sums it up for possessiveness for sure.
    Even kids tend to be possessive of thier parents. My six yr old daughter is so possessive of me that she never seems to be happy to share me with her 10 yr old brother, let alone my husband.

    love,
    Jothi.
     
  10. Chitvish

    Chitvish Moderator IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Jothi,
    It was with reference to Craig's artice that I shared my thoughts on the possessiveness between spouses.
    There is not one relationship, where it does not show its face !
    Perhaps dear Sridhar can ring a warning bell on that, in course of time ?
    But, I repeat, we love to "feel possessed", with all selfishness because our ego touches a high !
    Love,
    Chithra.
     

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