Why do possessive mother get their son's married?

Yea.. what Lakshmi has said about women who miss DH's love ending up as possesive MILs seems to be the root cause.

Just adding on,this need not always be a result of strained relationships. When a lady is married to a conservative joint family,the couple may not get the privacy or space to 'connect' or 'build a rapport' with each other.
Public displays of affection or even spending a lot of time with your spouse may raise eyebrows of elders in such households.
Another thing is, from Day1 elders keep pushing the couple to have kids.

When a couple have babies even before they get to know each other well and are really ready for it,they may not feel the bond with each other or feel the need to spend quality time with each other.

Well, it is like 'What does marriage have to do with love and all?' Marriage becomes all about husband and wife having kids and raising them together.In many such cases, from Day1 of her having a baby,all the mom concentrates on is her son. Her main identity is ' My son's mom' and the son becomes the 'love of her life'... and after several years when her 'darling boy' is married off, she just cant let go of him.

 

You know, even the inability to let go is understandable to some extent. What baffles my mind is the cruelty and the abuse that these women mete out to the unfortunate wives of their "darling boys"? Misery loves company and many of these MILs' main problem is that they see their DILs as "competition" for their sons' love, affection and attention! So, they go out of their way to make their DILs' lives miserable and then sit back and wonder why their DILs won't have anything to do with them..!!!

Gee, whydya think, you old hag?

 

yes of course this is possessiveness aroused due to insecurity... everyone has their own way of treating their loved ones, and I think that it should be evoked in one naturally... how can you be trained to look like his mother? Sorry if this offends you, but I have gone through the same experience and all I could learn from her is making zillion phone calls to her son. It all looked like she was trying to switch her role from mother to wife...

 

Thank you all for your warm welcome ... really hurts to see so many of us suffer this worthless pain... lets just remember "That Which Does Not Kill Us, Makes Us Stronger!!!"

 

wow! good sense of humor :thumbsup

 

Dear lakshmi,

You are correct.:cheers.Continue to write more such facts :thumbsup.

 

Know wht, I hav asked this ques 2 my DH itself... If ur mother wants u 2 jus take care of her n his brother, then y did she ask u 2 get married, becos having a family u hav some responsibilities... She cud hav simply waited till her time n then got u married.. Well I had reasons 2 ask this ques..
I think it is the insecurity, possessiveness n ego tht is driving them... MIL wants a DIL, so the DIL can perform all the chores, but the bonding of the son shd only b with the mother no matter how old he is n his wife is jus another person in his life... After all v hav only 1 life, can try 2 adjust only 4 some time, but adjustment itself as life sorry cannot take it...

No one gets respect just for their age, respect has to be earned with your thoughts...I think more than the MIL, it is the son's fault... Whenever the mother says somethings which is not logical or which cannot be done, y does not he tell her directly? If he does that well, he will b branded as hen pecked...
The MILS shd know, becos they have been dils once!!! They ran their family n now the time comes tht she needs to pass the baton to the next gen ...she needs to play a supporting role... Believe me this role will win her dil...No one is against a mother... The MILS need 2 know their boundary... The exact difference b/n a mother n a mil is this the boundary... our mothers expect none, MILS only expect
The solution acc 2 me - bond best with your DH... If he understands, then there is nothing tht will spoil the marriage

 

LAKSHMIKS

THANK YOU for your comments!:cheers:cheers

Finally a great sensible opinion on this crazy list which brought out such strong reactions!
Completly with you on what brings out the nastiness in these 'whiches'
There is a category that we may have omitted. ( MY MIL belongs to this set).
Comes from a family with nothing, Gets married to my FIL who has already made his fortune (a considerable one) the hard & honest way, In short, she morphs into the newly rich trash category: as they say in tamil: Arpatthuku Paush vandudhu, artha raatriki kodai pidikaaradhu. or as I heard a rajasthani friend of mine quote 'Naya lota leke aaya toh raat mein uth uth ke jaatehe hain'
FILs 'shukra dashai' wanes, (in my case, FIL is no more) but her arrogance & her need for the luxuries & the attention she's now addicted to in life does not, Now depends on her sons to keep her ego & narcissism & phony social 'status' (mind you, she really has no friends, only the wandering bunch of sychophants) propped up, & net results, THeir wives have to compromise to maintain that...
Wonder if it is wrong to get tired of dealing with that after a decade!