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Why Do People Cheat And Get Married

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Rose03, Sep 10, 2020.

  1. Rose03

    Rose03 Senior IL'ite

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    This is running on my mind always , to the extent where I am hating arranged marriages . How we decide our future in an hr ( where we are asked to talk to guy for about 10 mins of allowed ) and next moment , if we nod yes and both the families agree , all will go in blink of an eye . How to believe the person whom we are getting married to ? How do we know the information that they shared is genuine ? In my case , the whole family made the situation out of my mother who could not speak much and having my father passed away in just few months ago.
    Only to know that what they share is false after marriage including my husband tortured me in my first year of marriage . Fast forward it is 7 years and have 6 years old kid and I aborted 2nd kid 2 years ago because
    I had no trust in him in taking care of us and no trust in the relationship .
    now that we live in Different countries , it’s time for us to take decision .
    I am used to managing alone since day1 of marriage due to necessity , I had no option Nor I was brought up like that . So I learnt everything
    By myself doing everything . From teaching kid , taking her out , home stuffs , financially planning ( just with my income) , kids education and my stuffs . I am surprised sometimes how strong I am . But I really become mad and get exhausted .

    He loves daughter and my duaghter too loves her father. Nd he is ready to do anything for her . But he cares and loves me . But he does not want to involve me financially and he spends for his family - I don’t have problem but their parent spend lavishly without thinking twice or asking for the price so I tel him we are struggling for single penny here , they neither saved single penny Nor anything no owned house also, but I come from wealthy family and this surprises me , thinking how Long I should take care mysef and duaghter , he is not even spending or planning for our future .
    He lives in motto of spending whatever is in his pocket , getting luxury gifts to his family member - he used to do it for me in beginning and I said I don’t need that and you need to save so he stopped getting it , I don’t know what to do ? I have asked through his family ( they act as if they don’t care ) - his unmarried sister stay with his parents so he spends for her from buying car to her overseas trips. he never discusses with me anything or financially
    They don’t have own house not educated but the way they represent themselves surprised me, we family just opposite to it , my parents never showcased themselves even though they were wealthy , but this family always talking nonexistent things to get people respect .

    Whenever I ask him what are your plans , he says nothing you know best you let me know what you want I will give you or seduce me or love me then I will observe you for months then I will decide , it’s gone like this from day 1 , and he will come back to me says see you did this so I am not comfortable discussing with you and we don’t have that relationship.

    I feel most of the times lonely , I never discussed anything with me whenever I felt someone’s shoulder to lean on , I am the eldest in my family , we wanted to see proposal for my sisters and brother he never helped us in anything , I remember he had/has pandit to whom he relied on and took me also once , he believe in hims strongly aNd I asked him to check about my sisters birth chart analysis , he didn’t respond at all . He is not good relationship with my family also because he was stalking on us when they visited me Nd my mom forgive and ask us to get adjusted and go on which he knows very well . But how Long I should suffer like this , struggling alone now that I am in different country , thanks to my company i got the opportunity to come to different country and he is living back in another country . I am very Peaceful except I am getting exhausted doing all alone and managing kid , home and work . I need a partner whom I can rely on and get help .

    I am in my early 30’s , and he’s quite senior to me , should I stay in this relationship . Infact I had put up my profile on matrimonial sites , I had people contacted me , never made an attempt to talk to them and I ignored them .
    Sometimes I feel , is the second marriage for people who have good connection and wise parents ? I did not mean my mother is not wise , she is wise in managing all alone but when it comes to marriage , she wants to go arranged marriage and whoever guy say YES , she did not even ask or think how will my duaghter live , she knew we girl earn , and get married and have kids immediately and if the husband does not support it is ok and adjust and move on . I think of what is this ? Is it papam to born as a girl such families ? People like my husband make use of it , brainwash such people .
     
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  2. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

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    :hello: OP you hv not sought any solution and so it will be assumed your intent is to vent here. That might provide a bit solace and load off chest.

    But to read a story that might give a soothing feeling or feather touch, I would recommend the story in link
    Getti Melam - Supraja - An Apple Of My Eye

    With commiserations & Regards
    God Bless
     
    Last edited: Sep 10, 2020
    Rose03 and kaluputti like this.
  3. ProudIndian

    ProudIndian Gold IL'ite

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    Bad guys take advantage of weak innocent girls because they show they are weak. For these guys marriage is like business transaction in which they have to grab or trap best package with minimum price. To get good girl from good family at any cost some boys or boys family shoe fake education or fake wealth. Girls have to be really bold and smart to cross check all details. If parents are weak girls should use all their resources to find out and verify all information. Now there is internet, social media, private investigators etc. why didn’t u use any of this? U could meet that guy at coffee shops or visit to his work place before marriage? Now because of internet so much awareness is around about so many fraud cases then why you were so naive?
    Now coming back to your current situation did you tell your husband how u r feeling? If not you should express freely
    Looks like you are not freely expressing your feelings to your spouse and your family. You must first tell him that u want to divorce him and why.
     
  4. kaluputti

    kaluputti Gold IL'ite

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    Actually there is nothing wrong with the systems of marriage, arranged or the girl/boy making the choice, since we see more failures in the latter category also. It is the change of times and the personalities, family background and so many other things that decide how an individual handles all the relationships in the life. There is good guys or bad guys..but only whether they are mature enough to balance both sides of their family responsibilities. But I think that females have a very changed mental setup now, about how life should be , than the males..Their perspective about family, women, wife etc hasn't changed a lot. This is one main reason for many broken families.I might not have used the right words but hope that I am understood in the right sense.
     
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  5. Rose03

    Rose03 Senior IL'ite

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    Thank you all for your responses . I have disclosed with him numerous times , he said in relationship financial discussion is not important . I think He wants to escape and live freely with no responsibility on his shoulders . I have asked my mother also to talk to him , he does not like anybody asking him . he used to say ,” if you want you stay otherwise leave me nobody is holding you “ .
     
  6. Rose03

    Rose03 Senior IL'ite

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    @tyagarajan sir , thank you so much for sharing the personal story . I hope to get a guy like CSK .
     
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  7. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

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    :hello:Welcome.
    2. CSKs are hard to find and seldom one come across such strong personalities of wonderful awesome character. He & my sister are in Redmond, California right now with their grand daughter born a few months ago.
    3. I shudder to think back times as to how her (Supraja) life would have been had I not taken those actions. But then reading entire story - read thread - once again - it robbed my sleep last night till 3am. But then those FBs their ......
    4. I wish you had recorded your liking the story narration in that thread itself.
    Thanks for your nice soothing words of appreciation.
    God Bless.
     
  8. GregoriaBoul

    GregoriaBoul New IL'ite

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    Thank you for sharing your story to us!
     
  9. Hopikrishnan

    Hopikrishnan Silver IL'ite

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    Old proverb says "Nothing ventured, nothing gained".
    We are usually nervous about new ventures.
    Good luck.
     
  10. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

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    :hello:Please make it more clear that your above appreciation is to OP @Rose03 .

    Thanks and Regards.
     

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