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Why Do Husbands Blindly Support Their Wives?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by anika987, Feb 19, 2023.

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  1. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    IL friends know my relatives issues…

    support is needed but why blind support?

    My fil blindly supports my mil and so my opinions are always drowned when they gang up.I suffered a lot because of this..

    my co sister schemes against me with my cousin and humiliated me and I tolerated so that family won’t get separated.My bro in law blindly supported her and put me down..

    Same with my uncle .My aunty always puts me down using my past mistakes and if I stand up for myself..he takes her side and humiliates me..

    Another uncle also the same..


    I understand we have to be supportive of our spouses be it husband or wife but why does only blindly support? Their better half is not god.They might be wrong too..why put down someone else to support their spouse?

    Why can’t people take a step back and analyze situations a bit before blindly supporting their spouse?It is not fair to the third person..
     
    Last edited: Feb 19, 2023
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  2. Thoughtful

    Thoughtful Gold IL'ite

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  3. Sony23

    Sony23 Senior IL'ite

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    Dear maybe they are scared that if they don’t support their wives then wife might fight with them or get upset, even if maybe deep inside they don’t agree with the wife. I understand that it’s unfair to you but that’s how it is , mostly in indian families, u know u are right u don’t need anyone’s approval. I know it’s easier said than done. Stay positive and be happy.
     
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  4. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

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    It is ok each of the couple you mentioned support their spouse. But what about your DH? Is he not always supporting you irrespective of whether he deems the situation/issue you are in is right or wrong.
    Even when spouse is wrong, DHs are expected to support their spouse outside the realm of mil,sil, fil & other ILLS.
     
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  5. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    I think being neutral and analyzing is good before placing blame on the third person. If the spouse is right one can support but normalizing support even if the spouse is wrong is not correct.support is expected but not at the cost of hurting someone else blindly and this should not be normalized.True support is fixing issues and analyzing so that mistakes won’t be repeated again and again.Everytime my mil knows her husband will yell at me if I voice even a basic opinion.how many dil’s suffer? And vice versa.same with my co sister. Myself nor my husband do not blindly support each other.It’s not that we don’t love one another but the hurt one causes to the third person without knowing the truth because we need to support our better half is not right. One needs to make sure before putting down others.
     
    Last edited: Feb 19, 2023
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  6. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    Thanks dear for the reply.true
     
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  7. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    Just out of curiosity..be it the husband or wife..

    hypothetically let’s say if the spouse is wrong..
    Is it expected to support the spouse even if they are wrong?
     
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  8. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear @anika987

    Did your husband support you during all these encounters with your MIL/FIL, BIL/CO-sis, Uncle1/Aunty1 and Uncle2/Aunty2?
    Did he take your side and fought with them or stay silent in the middle? Or in the worst case scenario, did your husband gang up with them against you?

    Those uncles, aunties and others are of some family unit. They share same values, and value their family more than an extended person. So, it is obvious that they stand by each other.
    What matter is your husband's position during all these issues?


    Nope. I don't think we should support our spouse if they are wrong. But it doesn't mean insulting them before others when they take a wrong decision. So, maintaining a middle ground before others, and correcting spouse when alone is the best bet.

    Off the topic....
    Given you have a list of people who are trying to bully you, insult you and take advantage of you (coming from your other threads), I think it is high time you stand up for yourself, and work on your self esteem.

    I doubt whether these people really insult you on purpose (which their spouses supported) or it was your own perception that made you think so?
     
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  9. AppuMom

    AppuMom Gold IL'ite

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    I think you are carrying this trauma within you and not able to come out.Others supporting their partner for right or wrong reasons should not concern you.What is most important is to work on these two questions "Why I am not able to stand up for myself ? Why my H is not supporting me".Once you get answers for this or work on it you will come out of these thoughts.
     
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  10. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    My husband maintains a middle ground and is respectful both to me and the relatives.He also expresses politely if am right and if am wrong and they yell..he respectfully disagrees and not yells.

    it is not my perception and I would appreciate if you would stop blaming me.Every thread it is always this way.It’s not always about my self esteem.I know how far I have come.Not every person who has family issues are dealing with self esteem.there is also something called gaslighting.Don’t always keep talking like this.I don’t appreciate it.

    it’s always a hot and cold relationship with us.Am not saying you are bad or wrong but I just dont seem to vibe.

    I know what am saying and it took two decades to figure out where I went wrong,what I can change.

    They are no angels. They were wrong.

    My biggest mistake is asking in a forum about my issues when people don’t know the real deal and truth. It all makes sense now.

    when people tight next to me don’t u deter and how will stranger’s understand? I am the one to be blamed.

    I am extremely sorry for all this.Will not ask about my issues to Il’s anymore.Now I know am going to get more backlash for this but it’s okay I deserve it for not knowing to handle this myself.

    I will take a break from
    IL .Take care all.
     
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