Why do few couples living abroad have their kids taken care by parents or ILs?

Sabby,
Technology certainly eases sharing information and communication, but just like we need to go to the salon for a haircut in person, there are certain things where only physical proximity would help. There in lies the limitation of technology I suppose.

But certainly sharing and communication are greatly improved by Tech. There used to be a time when my uncle had come to US several decades ago, and even phone calls to India were so expensive and rare. I remember - he used to "record his voice in an audio casette", and he will send it to India when a friend visits, and his wife and daughter who were in India at that time will play the tape to hear his voice. He will call but since phone calls were brief there was more elaborate talk in the audio casette.

But Tech has changed all that brilliantly.

One thing I do miss is Handwritten letters - Emails dont have the personal touch of Handwritten letters. Maybe I'll make a separate post on that sometime

 

Wow..What I feared did happen (stir up some mommies) but everyone mellowed down so fast!! Great ladies..You ladies are not just quick to retort and respond but also to ask apology which needs to be appreciated.:thumbsup

 

Hi Priya, I am sure your DS will start sleeping through out at 9 or 10<SUP>th</SUP> month. My daughter started sleeping through out at 9<SUP>th</SUP> month. And sleep oh without her beside I anyway don’t have good sleep. So doesn’t matter. Try sleeping in the afternoon when your DS sleeps to catch up on sleep.

Hi Shilpa, Sorry to hear about your son. I really hope he gets well soon. No matter how much I try when I get hurt with no mistake of mine I cannot stop responding. Thanks to God I never ever say any bad words, just leave things in Gods hands. And God will not do bad to anyone.

Regarding tips on what I do to cope up. I watch my DD daily on webcam. Live movie daily after going back home. We have vonage phone at home so daily we call twice. I keep talking to DD on speaker phone. When I say All is Well, she responds aaa aaa aaaa. If I had choice I would have stayed at home and taken care of my DD and send her to day care once she starts talking or expressing what she likes or not. If possible take up part time jobs initially and switch to full time when DD goes to school. Take up job near home so that I am near school and available whenever she needs me.

Hi true, ya OP did not mean to offend understood after reading her other threads too.. Latha suggested very nicely to be careful before clicking on submit J I hope not just this thread but in all threads everyone follows that. I saw this thread same day, but did not feel like responding. Could not stop thinking about it over weekend and atlast replied on Monday.

Hi Sabi, ya no hard feelings. You look rocking in the snap J and ya technology is helping a lot. I feel as if she is playing in the hall on other side with my parents, her cousins everyone around her. She loves to come near webcam and pull it and shout and what not.. she is one naughty darling.

 

Archana,

Great , I just wanted to hear the views of someone who indeed sort the advancement in technology to feel more involved like you stated - "Live movie daily after going back home".I know , I know it is quite different to seeing or hugging someone in person but I reckon something is better than nothing.Good to hear that she is doing fine.

Spiderman , I understand that seeing is different to touching, is different to feeling.And the magnitude of it increases with proximity.Knowing that you are always a screen away from your loved ones is more comforting and I would not rule out that this also plays a factor.If I had an option to send my kid to someone who is well connected virtually and to someone who stays in the remote dunes of Kalahari, I think it would take me less time to decide ( needless to say that all other factors remain the same) .If I were to talk to someone daily and see them frequently, I would probably not miss them every minute of my life.Well it depends on the individual and for me it is definitively assuring if not anything else.By now you know that I am an incorrigible pathetic optimist and rather than worrying about things which I can't help I would be happy for the things which are at my disposal.Yes, would love to hear your thoughts on how the satanic technology is decreasing mankind's emotional quotient.

As a matter of fact I used to be someone ( 10 years back ) who used to wonder about the same situation but now I am not perplexed any more.It is something that one does when the situation arises.Who knows, probably I would also be in the same boat when the time comes.

Archu, thanks for the lovely comments, not sure how much I rock but received more comments on my skirt rocking :crazy.

 

I personally think the this situation has pro's and con's too.

Parents miss kids when they are brought up by grandparents 2 continents away. But working parents don't have the energy to give 100% attention to kids after they come back from work. Their only thought is to feed the baby and make them go to sleep. Working parents are relying on the baby sitter who may or may not pick the child when their need is so. Parents get stressed by overdoing things beyond their means like working full time, taking care of kids, answering to the million quesitons, cooking, cleaning and socializing which results in health issues. On the other hand grandkids being in the care of their grand parents get 24/7 care and attention specially during the initial years of their life when they need them the most. Being in India, since its so easy to afford maids, the grandparents can devote 100% attendance to kids, provide them freshly cooked meals, provide early school education, teach our culture and values and family respect. However, parents do need to answer the society as to why they chose to this path and not volunteer to raise the kids themselves which turns out to be very hurtful.

My neighbours daughter is brought up by her grandparents and she has been visiting her parents in US only during summer vacation but today she has excelled in studies and doing her doctor's in India. So its is each person's individual decision as their intent is do best to their kids.

 

Shyl, I would agree to above for my case, as a result am on a hiring spree, also I know that I dont have the world's patience to devote 24 hrs to my kids before turning wild.
Also sometimes kids learn more from people other than own parents. Each parent has their limitation cos at their age they have much more on their platter.

Archana, thanks dear, my son's condition is lifetime and am in a heartwrenching phase as this is just the time for admissions for all normal kids and I have to visit special schools... which dont start admissions at early age, he shall sit in his daycare montisorry till then. Even after you claim that you have accepted the inevitable, a visit to a special school leaves a deep thud somewhere in the heart, when your child is involved.

Anyways If I knew that my kids are well off with either set of grandparents, they would have been with them :bonkand I'll be boasting off my decision cos finally it was my decision. You're doing v well on a daily interaction with your daughter and have left her in best of care.

Sabh, thanks to hear your words.

 

Archana,

loads of hugs your way. don't feel guilty. for many of us decisions in life has some solid reasons that we cannot reason out with everyone around us. i thought your outburst was a natural thing... well let's not dissect that reply too much now. i know of an acquaintance who left her son back in India with parents. reasons were multiple - unable to quit career when the economy was bad, unable to find an appropriate nanny, travelling a lot in job etc., they got back the child when he was about 5. then school and after-school care took over. by then she also got settled at work and could ask for flexibility. now all happy.

thank you all mommies for forgiving, apologising and moving forward...

CG,

ah it's difficult for most of us to express that well as we would in our mother tongue. there was a time in my life when i found living arrangements in many families very strange. but as we grow in life and get to hear first hand, see why such decisions were made we learn to look and feel from other's shoes as well. thank you for bringing back the thread in order

Latha

 

I had the same question in my mind for a long time. Of course there are genuine cases where parents have no other option than to send kids to India so that grandparents can take care of them due to visa/financial etc issues, but even I have seen people where parents are not too much into kids etc. and hate the changes that come with having kids and hence send them to gps to lead a peaceful and career oriented life. For them, I would say why have kids if you don't want to raise them?

Having grown up mostly in my very loving gp's care, I still feel gp's cannot substitute for parents. Also I completely disagree with the academics part that some people mentioned. How a 5 year old does in academics has no definite bearing to how bright he/she will be in future. I have seen that personally. Also at that young age I would worry more about how to develop a child's self esteem than about how good they are in academics. I would rather have a happy and healthy child who finds pleasure in what he/she does than an over achiever who leads a unhappy/sad life.

 

Brilliantly said :cheers
Lot of indian parents are singularly obsessed abt academics.