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Why Brother-in-law Changed After Marriage

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by suna, Apr 22, 2007.

  1. suna

    suna New IL'ite

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    Hello dear friends,
    I got married 3 years back that time everything was good when my brother-in-law got married last year. He totally changed now after his marriage. wht his problem i don't know .In front of my in law's people always he wanna show -his wife is good than others .they like me before of his marriage but ...he wanna show me bad ... now these day's he is not even talking with me..if his wife is good it's ok... but it's not need to show others r wrong..or bad.
    n my co-sis has too proud beaz she was doing job . Thats why i wanna do something , I wanna earn money ,but problem is this my english is not good. he hurts me inside. my mind is not working .that thinking r not going frm my mind . I don't know wht should i do.....
     
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  2. geetha331

    geetha331 New IL'ite

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    hii suna

    clearly ur brother in law seems to be acting very immature.. he might be gloating about the fact that his wife works and u dont... well im not married and hence i dont know if i am in much of a position 2 advise u but what i feel is dat u should be happy just being urself.. just because someone works dosent make dem any better dan others...

    im a working woman and i do understand that working makes u independent and things like dat but at the same time a person who dosent respect others is the most smallest person in the world.. u might have so many other qualities in u dat isnt der in ur co sister... so try 2 focus on ur positive aspects and b happy with the person dat u r... if someone cant accept u for who u r den dats their problm... for the time being i think u should just ignore them and their comments and when after a while they see ur not responding they would stop out of frustration...

    soooo b happy wid who u r... dont let anyone put u down.. :2thumbsup:
     
  3. Cheeniya

    Cheeniya Super Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Suna
    I entirely agree with Geetha.
    If we keep brooding on what we dont have, it will become such a negative obssession that we will never get a chance to realise our true potential and work on developing it.
    Secondly, as Geetha says, people who ridicule us are interested only in hurting and provoking us. If you show yourself to be unaffected by such tantrums, they will ultimately lose interest in you and start looking for another victim.
    Be yourself. Everyone of us have a role to play. Lets try to understand that ole!
    Sri
     
  4. vivbass

    vivbass Gold IL'ite

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    hi suna,
    be proud that u r home maker,everyone have their own talents,she can support him financially,but defl'y u'll be best chef,iam right??? she will be busy with her works,so she can't take care of her house much,like cleaning,coking,taking care of ur kids,like lots of merits..u don't need to worry abt their sayings,u know u r the best than ur co-sis,iam i right??? english is not at all a probs,u r in US,so try to make friendship with other language speaking friends,so u can learn other languages,mainly english,don't worry dear,be proud the way u r .
     
  5. sathya

    sathya Gold IL'ite

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    hello

    not so fast dear one
    your bil sure has a life of his own
    concentrate on what u have as plus
    ya maybe you are a good cook
    maybe you present yourself best..

    why do you think they want to show off?
    they are always having `you' in mind
    and trying desperately to excel
    whatever you stood for...
    never mind their life...
    get the bil out of your mind...
    try out new talents..
    write paint or sing...
    cook wash or talk
    there are so many who need you
    and just you...!!!

    english is just another language
    you can master it
    once you start talking or writing...
    and just the way it is
    can make a new language...ya...!!!

    good luck and be sure
    we are all with u....


    sathya
     
  6. Vidya24

    Vidya24 Gold IL'ite

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    Suna, suno meri baath.

    You are worth in gold, dont feel bad if BiL is acting like a brat and putting u down. That about seems to be all he knows.Ignore him, focus on keeping yourself happy. Since you live in the US, it is better to get skills like driving, good spoken and written English, a job etc. All this will take time, so be peaceful and work slowly but steadily towards these goals. Even getting one of these skill sets will make you feel very empowered.

    The only person who can help you is yourself. And the only person who you should listen to is yourself.

    As for BiL, tell him to go,fly a kite.

    And though this does not help you, please know that some version of this happens in every house. Either it is the MiL, or her daughter or a BiL like yours. Just ignore them totally. Stay happy.
     
  7. puni88

    puni88 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Hello,
    Even in my case, by BIL's used to do that. They want to show off that their wives are much better and they are good with everybody etc by making me bad(even my husband was not supporting me).
    Slowly I overcame this.
    I need not have to change myself because of somebody else.
    I used to act truly what I was. But after knowing their intensions, I was very cautious about what I talk and how I behave. Never gave a chance to point at me.
    Slowly everybody got settled down with their own life (kids, their family, goals etc)
    This is just a passing phase of life. Be strong and be yourself.
    If you get too much into it, their goal will be met, so ignore them and be good to everybody.

    Good luck.
    Punitha
     
  8. workingmom

    workingmom New IL'ite

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    Hello everyone,

    Even am facing this problem. Even My BIL changed after his marriage. But the main problem is my SIL who is quite manipulating and a home maker but what she has started doing is pin pointing things i do to MIL.

    So u see every situation has its own adjustment problems.

    Am ignoring this as of now but really think it is tough to do as am more busy with my work my kids and my goals in life.

    I agree with Punitha completely that may be this is a passing phase and things would change wn my BIL will have his kids and will be more busy.

    Joint family is really tough wn u have politics at home...and ur DH is not able o understand even a single thing done.:evil:

    Take care
    Working mom
     
  9. srinivasan_vanaja

    srinivasan_vanaja Gold IL'ite

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    hi,

    May be ur bil is not confident about his wife's talents and thats why he boasts too much about her. You can attract everyone the way you are. Neglect all such comments and concentrate only in your work.

    Our IL members have given you good suggestions than me. Be yourself and be confident.

    regards,

    Vanaja
     
  10. sathiapriya

    sathiapriya New IL'ite

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    :)

    Hi

    dont worry, if one member in ur family is hating u isinit ?, see how many of us is ther to lift u up , be proud that u r in many of our hearts, that is the important thing everyone wants to get in their life

    bye

    sathiapriya
     

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