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Why are Sons treated unfairly and like ATM machines?

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Grihani, Sep 18, 2014.

  1. Sapna56

    Sapna56 Bronze IL'ite

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    OP
    What you said is so true and never talked about much. It completely resonates with what I experienced at my in laws place. PIL will roast DH like anything for their daughter. DH blindly believes that his sister is his responsibility and gives same priority or even higher priority at times than me and my kids.
    I observed that this is more prevalent in particular part of india. My father and my mother are from two different regions. My mother also realized this after her marriage because she has never seen this at her parents side. I also observed this behavior with PILS and also with my father and paternal relatives side.
    Also my PILs and my father are from same region.
     
  2. CRASHASH

    CRASHASH Senior IL'ite

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    I am sorry that you are feeling anguished. I know how it feels. I recently wrote a post as well on the same issue but my question was a bit different. I don't know if I can offer you any tips because I am facing the exact same issue, but I thought it's important for me to reply to your post and say 'I know how you feel'. More than south-Indian/North Indian it's like whatever that's convenient for them.
    My MIL has brainwashed my DH, he has no property in his name or not even FD, guess what he earns 7lakhs per month and everything just vanishes into loans that he has made. He had got his mother a big house.
    We live away in Mumbai, there MIL locks the house and goes and sits in my SIL's house. And when my MIL talks about 'family' she actually means her daughter and her family. My father in law went one step further and he once for all declared that he won't be giving anything to his son but he will give some cash and property to my SIL and her daughter as they are 'Lakshmis' of the house. He has taken a promise from my DH that until my DH's last breath he will take care of 'Lakshmi'. And Lakshmi herself earns 60k per month her husband is well settled. So my DH's money goes into their luxuries like -expensive makeup, birthday cash (30k for SIL's daughter) etc., The pretext given by my husband is 'my sister takes care of my mother'. But in reality my MIL doesn't care about me and DH. She is happy there in her daughter's home. In my previous post few people pointed out that I am trying to compete against my SIL who rules my in laws, DH and that side of the family. But, I am very deeply hurt that if this continues my unborn children will also have to keep serving SIL and her family. Actually it's a very bad state of affairs. Anyway it sounds why any grownups will so much get controlled by their parents but in our Indian families, boys are rather treated unfairly. The one single reason for this is Boys are seen as 'INVESTMENT' so it's like what's wrong if parents expect returns? I think men should start to think for themselves instead of falling for this emotional traps. Again, I feel so bad about what you are going through I know that feeling.

     
  3. nakshatra1

    nakshatra1 Platinum IL'ite

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    Yes, it's a very sad culture in some families- who treat their sons as ATMs/retirement funds,they treat their kids as financial assets and not as human beings who deserve some care and consideration.But noone ever likes to speak about these issues - it s considered like a blasphemy to point out any faults of parents. Because parents are beyond criticism, it leads to many social ills as they are able to control the child's life This mentality of treating children as assets/liabilities is also responsible for many ills -

    • child labor
    • infanticide/female foeticide
    • dowry
    • child abuse
    A good parent tries to be fair towards all their children irrespective of gender.
     
    Last edited: Apr 30, 2019
    Afresh and CRASHASH like this.
  4. bhavyagirish

    bhavyagirish New IL'ite

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    hi really they feel sons are ATM machines.
    my ils too do the same way ,they want money when ever they ask or else they would stop calling and taling everything...
     
  5. sandhya2020

    sandhya2020 Silver IL'ite

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    which region is this?
     
  6. Reena26

    Reena26 Bronze IL'ite

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    I have some perspective on this too. I live in the USA and went through the same thing. Sons are treated like a Free ATM. My DH is a doctor but he studied for free in high school and college. His parents lived rent free for 24 years in their servants quarters on hospital grounds. They fed all the sacrifices they did for him but well - all they did was get him through high school. He came here on his own merit. First two years of marriage - I worked to support him in getting residency - paid rent, purchased first car etc. my duty. Never did I make him feel he has to “pay me back” once he earns. He does his job because he wants to save lives. Soon as parents came to visit - it was as if I never earned. Worse too his education was to them a business profit for free vacations but a waste of money because they learn nothing and just take pictures.

    but I am proud of my dad. They showed true colors only after the marriage but my dad figured her out straight away. She thought my dad would pay for everything (the after wedding back door “dowry” - they should be jailed) He would not give out of principal that I am not Payara Dhan. Just as precious as my brother. He would not cheapen my name in society. Or the education they gave education me. The MIL was not happy. Wanted me to stop earning and do “Do waqt ki roti” each day.

    But now we are raising my son here DH realized. That western parents love their kids for who they are not what they can do for their parents. My son won’t be/does not subscribe to that culture. So that’s my excuse to ta ta bye bye them if they come. They can stay with their son. But my son is coming with me to my moms.
     
  7. Reena26

    Reena26 Bronze IL'ite

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  8. WannabValerie

    WannabValerie Silver IL'ite

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    Wow, I thought I was the only one 'blessed' with this. This tribe is the most selfish of the lot.
     
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  9. Reena26

    Reena26 Bronze IL'ite

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    I too had an issue with this. But this cannot happen in Western countries. There is no Mother God or Father God here. If You abuse then you lose - the kids get taken from you by the social services. Quite rightly so. The laws on everything here are strict.
     
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  10. chanchitra

    chanchitra Platinum IL'ite

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    True. In my inlaws house, 2 sons. My husband being the one with good income is expected to provide for his parents as well as his brothers family..
    When I questioned my husband, why he has to support his brothers family, I am called the housebreaker
     

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