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Why Are Some People So Cunning And Hide Simple Things?

Discussion in 'Friends & Neighbours' started by pruthvee, Jan 16, 2017.

  1. pruthvee

    pruthvee Senior IL'ite

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    I have seen many people who hide simple things just to create their own more importance or sometimes for no reason at all.

    Few examples are:

    -- When I was a kid, a girl in my neighbor used to go to swimming. My parents were new to that area and were ignorant so were not thinking of making us join any extra curricular activities. When I came to know that girl is going for swimming, I asked her where is she going. She was 10 then and so am I. She was innocent so frankly told me that "My mom has asked not to tell anyone". I asked her why. She said that her mom told her that if others also come to know you're going for swimming classes then others will also join and then you'll not be different from others and will not look smarter than others.

    -- My aunt smartly ask recipes from my mother. But if something she made and when we ask her, she tries to turn the topic and if we still ask, she misguide us about ingredients

    -- My colleague opened her gmail account and she set a very good theme. I simply asked her, hey, how did you do that? My account look simple and how can I do that? She lied to me that someone else did it for her and she doesn't know.

    --- My cousin wears unique dresses, shoes, perfume, etc. Me and my other cousins complement her about that and often ask her that where did she buy all this. She tells us lie that she get all this in gifts. However, we came to know that she is addicted to online shopping and she buy all this online but she never tell us that.

    --- The same cousin lost lots of weight. When we ask her what did she do she will not tell us the trick. Not only her but many people who lose weight always lie that they automatically lost weight

    -- The above examples are still okay but this one you'll find ridiculous. My aunt was preparing nutritious dalia with multi-grain flours for her son. When my brother was born and when my mom asked her how to prepare that dalia so that she can also give that nutritious food to my brother, my aunt literally was hiding that from her and she didn't tell truth to my mom. She kept on diverting the topic and never answered my mom about that.

    I agree that an artist has the right to keep his/her art secret. But those are simple things of life. What will you lose if you cooperate a bit to others and tell them or support them or coach them so that they can also do all that. I am not saying that I always want to copy others and don't want to do my own research but if I knew something, I believe in sharing with others. People who hide such simple things, what big importance they will create for themselves by doing all this?

  2. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Why do you remember incidents from so far back as your childhood or your brother's baby years? Except the aunt not giving dalia recipe incident, the rest can be attributed to a person not wanting the swimming place to get overcrowded and go down in instruction quality or become expensive, or to things like cosmetic, dress,gmail theme not to be copied by others. The weight loss maybe the method of losing weight was less known or maybe it was the kind that will draw comments about not being a safe method.

    I've seen this - I or other people will share information to an extent with a person. If that person (or family) always keeps asking how/when/where, I will slowly start to make excuses or change the topic.

    This is not to deny that there are people who simply won't share any info at all even if others have helped them. The above are possible reasons for the behaviors you listed.
    sindmani, nimitakain, MNR and 2 others like this.
  3. beautifullife30

    beautifullife30 Platinum IL'ite

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    why don't you look at things this way!

    your cousin who wears good perfume and dresses or following a good diet might have arrived there after intense research.

    she might not want to divulge the information easily maybe coz she doesn't want others to use the products she uses. I am a bit like that.

    I literally spend an entire day searching for that perfect dress. when I wear the dress and people compliment me on it I feel good. however, when they ask me where I bought it so they can get it too, I have second thoughts about telling them the place. I spend like so many hours researching and this person just wants to know immediately.
    Also, the other thing is I hate it when I share a similar pattern dress/ anything for that matter with others. That is one of the reasons I go for stitched clothes! I mean, some people are like that, they do want to look unique.

    why don't you do the research? If you do like something, just keep looking for it. With the internet, everything is now possible!

    I would say stop taking things to heart. These are not so important to be remembered and thought over again and again!
  4. dnormx01

    dnormx01 Gold IL'ite

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    Things like gmail bgs are childish, so most probably the colleague was embarrassed to tell you, and secondly I would be annoyed if someone peeped at my screen when I am checking my emails!

    Swimming thing, in those days parents were a little more conservative. Maybe the mom wanted her daughter to learn but didn't want to hear comments about it from others?

    Perfumes and stuff, you know she's buying online, so why do you want to hear it from the horse's mouth? And losing weight doesn't happen automatically. It's a struggle, a big one. She might not want to share the troubles and would like to enjoy the compliments. Obviously, she toiled too much for it.

    And the dalia, Generally at that age, people believed in buri nazar or evil eye. So anything they generally used for the kids and especially food matters were not shared.

    I used to have an aunt who kept on asking us things and would feel jealous and create politics in the family subsequently. So we limited sharing things with her. She befriended a neighbor, who would peep and pass on info. As stupid as "they bought a jackfruit today". We soon limited our interaction with the neighbor too.

    If the opposite person is comfortable with you, trusts that you wouldn't use the information to affect them and you are not nagging them the whats and why's, then they will openly share things with you. If they don't, they are uncomfortable for some reason. We should give them that choice and let them be.
  5. pinkRoseBud

    pinkRoseBud Gold IL'ite

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    Agree with all the responses, but someone may ask where did someone buy a dress from after saying it's pretty just for the sake of it, just to have a conversation (am guilty too) but I wouldn't be okay someone asking me and buying the same dress.
    But yeah I am ok if someone lies, or says it's a gift when I ask them. Understandable
    Op, these cannot be counted as cunning.
    nimitakain likes this.
  6. armummy

    armummy Platinum IL'ite

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    Pay less attention to those who don't share even simple things ..either they are petty or have too much complex about themselves or their children.

    Many people willingly share baby recipes and advice related to baby ..that one aunt might have weird notions about sharing info.

    I have seen many won't share because they think by doing so they want to be unique or have an edge for their children. Ignore ..children will shine no matter what if they have potential .

    If you are interested in something try and put effort to find out information , ask around in related places like sports shops or clubs or such. Now a days it is very easy using Internet to find information.
  7. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    Almost all the things that you have explained above has happened to me and many others in their real life. It is normal, as we live in a society with mixed bag of people of all the qualities, goods and bads.
    So, it is possible that a few bad incidents and bad memories happen.

    But keeping all of them in mind that accurately shows how vulnerable you are to such social matters.
    In fact, your mom must have been able to brush off such treatments, so that she wouldn't have to pass them onto you. (Your bro's childhood food matter).
    Since you guys, may be you and your mom talk about this often, I assume you keep this bad memory stay in your mind forever. This will not only harm your peace of mind, but also change you as a negative person down the line.
    Let this go...

    Remember the good people who have helped you or stood by you when you needed them. In fact, these good people are so many compared to the one or two bad ones.
    Although I have faced all such bad incidents in life, I am greateful that I have also blessed to enjoy the good deeds of so many good people in my life.
    I cherish them, and their helps and talk about their deeds with my folks at home, so that I keep their memories as fresh as always.
    This indeed motivates me to do good for others, and I am glad that I stay as a good one in so many other people's mind.
    sindmani, nimitakain and sbonigala like this.
  8. generic

    generic Gold IL'ite

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    Everyone is guarded in sharing details..
    I admit I have done the same...
    During college days I used to refer textbooks for notes and study materials in library but would not reveal that..would share limited stuff with limited people whom I knew would also help me in mind..reason being that whenever I have circulated my notes among everyone they would take their own time to photocopy the notes and not return it in time..or some times with few pages missing..I was fed up of running behind people to get my own notes back..
    When my marriage was fixed I revealed this only a month before to people and not much in advance as I wanted to avoid buri nazar ...and I didn't want people to gossip about me..the tendency of everyone is to ask details like what is groom doing, where is working, how much salary he is earning , how did we meet and like each other etc..I'm a private person who doesn't like to be very open about personal life..
    Two of my friends got married one after the other..and they were to settle abroad within 2 Months of marriage..one of them in U.S. Other in Singapore..both of them didn't reveal it even though arrangements for passport , Visa etc would have been made many months in advance..they used to tell everyone that they're settling in India itself..only after moving abroad and settling they changed location and updated in social networking sites ..
    They felt that people would put evil eye as they are going abroad and would lead a comfortable lifestyle..
    Small things like recipes, online shopping , Gmail theme etc just let it go..
    Ur aunt may want her recipe to be exclusive and not share..ur cousin doesn't want anyone to copy her style maybe..and regarding ur colleagues gmail account just let it go..u check the help page of Google and see how to change theme , maybe she really doesn't know..
    Do not read too much into it and just accept that we all have our secrets..
    sindmani and KashmirFlower like this.
  9. ChennaiExpress

    ChennaiExpress IL Hall of Fame

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    Less info you give out better it is ... not an issue of being cunning, person needs to protect themselves

    1. Why must you freely give information you struggled for? Unless you know these people will help you in kind.
    2. People use that extra info to their advantage even if it means you are in loss. And some people are so nasty they will use it against you.
    CoolPie, sindmani, Rihana and 2 others like this.
  10. shifas

    shifas Bronze IL'ite

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    Most of the things you mentioned here happened to me also and i also think like you. Why people are soo secretive about things. I always tell when someone asks me anything. So i expect the same to me too. But i have gud experiences than these kinds. So what i think is like this. Always ask such things to people whom u think are nice to you. Others just ignore. People are soooo busy doing things for becoming special and unique that they dont want to share. Well that is their wish. We cannot do anything about it. ☺☺☺☺
    CoolPie and blissofmylife like this.

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