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Why are people NICER to arrogant people??

Discussion in 'Friends & Neighbours' started by anika987, Aug 18, 2014.

  1. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    I have noticed this many times. People trying to "Butter up" rude people and be nicer to them. For me,I did that back in college since I was uncomfortable to meet them everyday and thought trying to be nicer to them might make the scenario more lighter and I can go to college at peace.But now,I do not care.either I am never friends with them or I avoid/ignore.

    Even now,I see lots of people trying to nicer only to rude,sarcastic people.I see them
    complimenting them a lot and wonder why the heck they do it!!Now,we are more independent,not kids and we can manage our life without them.(I would rather be alone and do nothing than be with them).How come people r super nice to them?

    Also,I saw in fb people liking every "nutty" snaps of those rude people.I personally know my friends who left college 12 yrs back and have absolutely no contacts with those bullies BUT only in fb.They like and appreciate every snap but talk to me as though they do not care about them.what's with that hypocrisy?why fuel the already arrogant mind of those rude people?
     
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  2. Weasly

    Weasly Gold IL'ite

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    I think it was to seek approval! We indians from childhood have always struggled for approval from parents, teachers n everyone! I think its what triggers our action to make nice with them so they dont take a dig at us and gv us their approval! I use to do the same n den i dug deeper to see i dont need any validation!!
     
    Last edited: Aug 18, 2014
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  3. Roar

    Roar Gold IL'ite

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    This actually works two opposite ways:

    1.Buttering, lowering your self esteem for power or money ONLY. Thats cheap.

    2. To ridicule a rude stranger on his rudeness. Once I went to a dentist, the receptionist was soo rude, not that I wanted anything out of her but I continued to talk toooo polite. Next time onwards she was toooo polite..this works!
     
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  4. guesshoo

    guesshoo IL Hall of Fame

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    Since the approval angle has already been handled, I'd simply suggest you prune your fb such that only your real friends are on your list.

    I came down from 500+ to about 100 in a day. It made fb more meaningful to me to have updates about people I really know and care about than be seeing vacation pictures of someone I vaguely remember from 3rd standard... Some people sent requests again but I just ignored them...
     
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  5. SGBV

    SGBV Finest Post Winner

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    This reminds me of our last encounter with an EB bill man at our house. He was plain arrogant. That particular day, our front gate was locked inside for whatever the reason. He rang the bell for a few seconds, and we rushed to the gate to open it. Within that few seconds, he became infuriated, and scolded my mom with loud voice as if she had done a great mistake by locking our gate inside.

    My mom tried to apologize, and pleased him. He continued to be rude with her, and for my surprise, my mom was supper nice with that man only to avoid further damage. But I could not accept this anymore (as I was inside my washroom, but I could sense what was going on outside), I came out and gave him back as to "it is our right to close or leave our gate open. If he wants us to leave it open at a particular time, then he must let us know in advance. He can't expect us give him a red carpet welcome if he comes all of a sudden". I even warn him to report about his misbehavior at the EB office.

    Then only I learnt that he did the same for the last couple of times for various reasons, and this time our locked gate has become a reason.

    People treat rude ones nicely only to avoid further problems. It is purely their inability to handle rude people tactfully. This will indirectly motivate the rude ones as if everyone is under them
     
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  6. guesshoo

    guesshoo IL Hall of Fame

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    So true SGBV. I used to see my husband do that with rude people - taxi drivers grumbling about the short fare would get an extra tip; grumpy fellow at the post office would be rewarded with a million sorries and pleases and thank-yous; a guy who routinely spoke I'll of a "woman's ability to share" while landing up unexpectedly at dinner time would be appeased by the wife - me - being asked to make extra food just as I'm about to sit and eat!

    I on the other hand give a withering look to such taxi drivers and refuse to leave until the last penny of change is in my hand; plainly tell any rude CS person, "that's rude" and write complaints about terrible service; and told I the guy directly that as a person who doesn't enjoy cooking I would appreciate it if he would check with me a few hours beforehand so I could let him know if it were convenient. My husband especially in the third instance was lamenting about how I was "ruining" my own name. My reply - I don't care for approval from inconsiderate freeloaders; if it isn't working for me, i would rather nip it in the bud.
     
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  7. parvathi1980

    parvathi1980 Platinum IL'ite

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    Even I can't figure out rude and arrogant people are given special treatment. I left a watsapp group because of rude cousins. I tried being nice but that did not work. So I just stopped communicating with them. But all my other family members continue to try to please them.
     
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  8. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    True ladies.I used to please people coz I accept back in school and college I was very scared of their rudeness.My minus point is my sensitive heart.I cannot take any rudeness easily.I know that is my negative.So,I try to get close to them and please them.It actually ahd adverse effects!

    I now am ashamed of my behavior.Still,I am not too gutsy BUT I have my pride.I atleast try to tell them by being bit assertive or I avoid or ignore.I do not and will not have rude or arrogant people be a part of my life.Life is too short to worry about those people and spoil or health and mind.

    Just wish people do not give undue importantance and fuel those arrogant people's ego even more than it already is.
     
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