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Whose Permission ?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Anandchitra, Mar 16, 2013.

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  1. Mar 16, 2013 #1
    Anandchitra

    Anandchitra IL Hall of Fame

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    I tend to notice the dynamics midst couples where one always kind of keeps the upper hand.
    This could be due to economic reasons primarily; Being a sole bread winner the husband / or wife can get to be ONLY one who makes the final call.
    In such a case the other spouse will "Have to get permission?" depending on task at hand.
    Maybe permission is not needed for everyday shopping or such matters but it might be needed for something out of the ordinary.
    When I see a spouse "GET" permission from the other it makes me feel uncomfortable. Really should not each progress to the point where "asking" for permission is not needed at all.
    At this point then married life is a smooth flow and any misgivings hurt feelings are tracked and solaced in peace.
    Well I will go first to share my experience. I stay at home and my husband is the bread winner. In all these years (almost 30) he never made me feel I have to ask him for anything least of all permission.
    It is also my nature not to ask. I abhor the need for permission and never did it. However I do inform my husband when I choose to make my decision.
    He displays his respect for me in his actions when he treats me as his equal.
    There is always the underlying sense of mutual respect love and appreciation between us.
    How do you all married friends here feel about asking permission? do you have to ASK permission from your spouse or does your spouse has to ASK permission from you? Do share;


    joke137.jpg
     
    Anandchitra, Mar 16, 2013
    Anandchitra, Mar 16, 2013
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  2. Mar 16, 2013 #2
    Cuteprincess

    Cuteprincess Silver IL'ite

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    I wud say you are real lucky. God Bless you both!! S I do hate to ask permission or to request for something everytime being a SAHM. Be it even in shopping. And sometimes if the answer from My DH is no then I hesitate to ask for the next time. Its truely a tough feeling and this makes me feel I should have been more independant. May be If I work I need not ask for each and everything.

    I always feel I need not be directed or ordered or permitted until I cross my limits. Since I know my limits too.
    And here the term LIMIT varies for every person.
     
    Cuteprincess, Mar 16, 2013
    Cuteprincess, Mar 16, 2013
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  3. Mar 16, 2013 #3
    Anandchitra

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    I understand how it must feel; Have you talked about it openly and had good communication to convey this with husband? it helps sometimes. yes if you work you have more financial freedom; thanks for the nice words
    God bless you too :)

     
    Anandchitra, Mar 16, 2013
    Anandchitra, Mar 16, 2013
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  4. Mar 16, 2013 #4
    GodIsOne

    GodIsOne Gold IL'ite

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    I am a working woman. I still ask my husband if I am buying anything out of ordinary. I don't buy it, if he says No. I have never felt bad about it. It is just out of respect for his opinion. He does the same. If he wants buy anything out of ordinary, he surely does talk to me before buying and definitely doesn't buy it, if I am not okay.

    I guess, it is only a problem if it is one way. It is okay as long as the rule applies to both.
     
    GodIsOne, Mar 16, 2013
    GodIsOne, Mar 16, 2013
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  5. Mar 16, 2013 #5
    sumipani

    sumipani Silver IL'ite

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    I too in the same boat as cute princess.
     
    sumipani, Mar 16, 2013
    sumipani, Mar 16, 2013
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  6. Mar 16, 2013 #6
    kirru

    kirru Silver IL'ite

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    In our case it's mostly like just telling and not like asking permission or request
    I will just tell him I am gng to get this or buy this that's it.
    Even he does the same . It is mostly like just informing . He never say no to anything which I ask him
     
    Last edited: Mar 16, 2013
    kirru, Mar 16, 2013
    kirru, Mar 16, 2013
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  7. Mar 16, 2013 #7
    Anandchitra

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    In this case you are not really asking for permission. Its always good to consult and ask. If the answer is no, there is nothing wrong and going by your husband's wishes
    However my question is about permission;
    Thanks for stepping in to comment; I am glad to read it;

     
    Anandchitra, Mar 16, 2013
    Anandchitra, Mar 16, 2013
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  8. Mar 16, 2013 #8
    Anandchitra

    Anandchitra IL Hall of Fame

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    So nice to read this. of course its very good to tell each other what we intend to do. Thanks for the comment

     
    Anandchitra, Mar 16, 2013
    Anandchitra, Mar 16, 2013
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  9. Mar 16, 2013 #9
    kylie

    kylie Gold IL'ite

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    dear Chitra,

    Both me and my husband do ask for each other's opinion on anything major because its always better to be in sync for important decisions. On other occasions, we just inform - depends on the situation.

    love,
    kylie
     
    kylie, Mar 16, 2013
    kylie, Mar 16, 2013
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  10. Mar 16, 2013 #10
    Ragini25

    Ragini25 Platinum IL'ite

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    First the mentality has to change...recently there was another poster kept saying "Men have to be the breadwinner" (and 'optional' for women (before kids) on choice) - why? Both are capable of winning bread and eggs and parathas. Then where is this permission coming in?
    (I am excluding the situation where SAHM or SAHD to specifically care for kids or due to illness...and I agree even there no need for permission letters)
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 16, 2013
    Ragini25, Mar 16, 2013
    Ragini25, Mar 16, 2013
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