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When Friends Are Not Interested In Keeping In Touch?

Discussion in 'Friends & Neighbours' started by generic, Jan 4, 2017.

  1. generic

    generic Gold IL'ite

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    I have been a silent soft spoken and polite person since childhood..not very outgoing..so I never had big group of friends...but always in childhood, school , college and workplace had a close knit group of good friends with whom I have maintained lot of closeness and shared good relationship.
    Due to education marriage etc it's inevitable that we are in different places and unable to meet for years together.
    Of course we re connected through social networking like FB, whatsapp, Google groups, yahoo, etc...there are some whom I message but they either do not bother to reply..or just give one word abrupt reply and end conversation or just change the conversation away without sharing anything or replying to what I ask..happened with couple of childhood and college friends ..
    When I was working also few office friends always ignored my messages when I pinged on office messenger..
    My personal circumstances do not let me go out and socialise much right now so pretty much these technologies will help me stay connected..I do not have any conflicts with these people that I know of..what is the reason for people not replying and ignoring when u message them?
    1. Just drifted away, not interested in keeping in touch
    2. Do not think I'm that important of a person to reply back?
    3. Jealous of me for some reason
    4. Attitude issue?
    5. Are they going through issues of their own and do not have interest
    6. Too busy? ( this is not trhe, many are social butterflies and spend hours together uploading their selfies online)
    I was hurt in the beginning but slowly got over it.
    Anyone faced similar issues where u tried a lot to keep in touch with supposedly close friends and they didn't respond?
    If yes, what reason?
    Just trying to understand...becos I never deliberately try to ignore anyone and always respond graciously to anyone who contacts me, such behaviour is surprising to me.
    I like to reach out to people and such things make me feel like a doormat and I think why the hell I try to contact them at all?
    Pls share and advice
     
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  2. jillcastle

    jillcastle Gold IL'ite

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    Well, I think it is a combination of 2 and 5. No one is that busy they cant even get a second to reply back. I mean, I had this really close friend I tried hard to keep in touch. She is busy with work and kids, I get it. But in current technology not getting time to even reply to my "Hi", I find it hard to believe. Personally, depending on how close they are I give them benifit of doubt and try few times to keep in touch. Later I give them the space. I think as we move to new places, it is better to make new friends around our daily life.
     
  3. sokanasanah

    sokanasanah IL Hall of Fame

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    This is actually surprisingly common, although we each imagine the situation as unique to us and our 'friends' as particularly neglectful. If you are feeling adventurous, you might find this paper interesting (PDF button on the right of page). A summary can be found here and here.

    An excerpt:
    “People are typically poor at perceiving the directionality of their friendship ties. ...while you might give them the shirt off your back, they might reciprocate with a handshake at best."

    This is the way of the world. So, you are in good company!:wink1::cool:
     
    Last edited: Jan 4, 2017
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  4. viki123

    viki123 Silver IL'ite

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    @generic
    Now a days people are more interested in showing their life in social network rather than spending time with real friends chatting.
    So i would say ignore them, but make sure never ignore people who really value ur true friendship.

    Also there might be some with personal situations where they like to avoid and just slowly drift away but will later get back once they are solve those issues. In those kind of situations begin understanding giving them the required space is more important.
     
  5. anika987

    anika987 Finest Post Winner

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    I don't think people do it because they hate you.They are also not doing it coz they are hyper busy.

    1)they get lazy and take friends for granted

    2) some are social once they meet the person but otherwise they are happy in their own world and other friends who are nearby

    3) talking to friends and replying for every message is not their no 1 priority but will talk to u when they are in need.This also I won't say they are bad!

    4) our expectations is another problem.dont expect but just call if u like them.u feel. Happy calling then?do it

    5)only thing one should expect from a friend which I learnt is you should be comfortable around theM
     
  6. Vaikuntha

    Vaikuntha Platinum IL'ite

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    Viki123,

    As women, we have a very complex life. We are like the complex Indian curry with several layers of flavors and each layer hits a different notes. You are like that, your friends are like that. Cut everyone some slack and do not get upset by people not responding.

    Actually, many others have messages that went into a black hole. But we must keep trying, not for them but for ourselves. We are social beings and won't be happy by ourselves.

    I do think that people disappear for few years to figure out their life. Some, who are very comfortable in their skin and very confident, never disappear. We have to give all friends their space and not take things personally. Also, friends are a ever changing group. It is not one set group from toddler time to old age time.

    I also feel that if have some friendhips within family- with sister, cousin, it is a nice thing to have. We should also try to have close family ties. Blood is thicker, rest is all facebook :)
     
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  7. ish18ayap

    ish18ayap New IL'ite

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    very true and obvious ..all those points that you have mentioned and if they say they are busy thats absolutely false..one more thing that disturbs me is that when we voluntarily talk or try to keep in touch with people we know they think like we dont have any other work .is it so hard to spend few minutes to keep ourselves in touch with whom we know.
     
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  8. Vaikuntha

    Vaikuntha Platinum IL'ite

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    Viki,

    Please do not feel like a doormat. I used to get upset when my emails were not replied. I one time sent a letter in 1995 to a friend- and she told me to not send any letters. I used to send new year emails. But someone I thought should reply, never replied. I got upset and wrote them off my list.

    Well I won't say I was wrong. These two people are on FB but I wasn't on their priority list, and never will be. I was so eager to be their friend but they were not keen.

    Now, I have done the same to other people who were nice to me. Knowingly or unknowingly I didn't pay much attention to them. We all do it, it is just that hurts more when we are on receiving end.

    Please do not let yourself feel bad, ever. As long as you 1 real friend, 1 real family, you are good to go.
     
  9. anika987

    anika987 Finest Post Winner

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    It's not about being busy.

    There are some friends whom I like but it's not like I keep in touch.only birthdays I wish.I do not hate them at all.i am just confident even if I talk to them after 10 years we will be fine.its called "comfort level" and a confidence that " they will understand and won't mind"
     
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  10. paru123

    paru123 Gold IL'ite

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