What's the best option for this couple?

monita · Mar 17, 2013

The man (an only son) has been jobless for a long time. He has tried very very hard to find a job, even below his own level in experience and qualifications ,but no success. Now he has found a job in Alaska, USA.
What's the best option:
1. Take the mother along.
2. Leave her in an OAH.
3. Leave the wife to look after her MIL.
4. Stay jobless and wait for as long as it takes to find a job at a better place.
P.S.- Please don't ask why Alaska?What kind of job? Why the wife is not working etc.

nicegirlradhi · Mar 17, 2013

just have this question, if the man is job less for some period(assuming the he is otherwise good and sincere in his efforts), what is his wife doing? is she not educated and earning so that she can take the burden of the family when her H faces tuff time career? or does she feel that only H has to be lifelong money earner?

I would say, just leave both wife and mother back home and man alone should go to Alaska. coz i feel it is very important that he should have stable job which he got after long gap to support, who ever wife or mother. so let the man concentrate on his job while two ladies can stay away from the man for some days. Of course the man has to financially support both women

monita · Mar 17, 2013

nicegirlradhi said: ↑

just have this question, if the man is job less for some period(assuming the he is otherwise good and sincere in his efforts), what is his wife doing? is she not educated and earning so that she can take the burden of the family when her H faces tuff time career? or does she feel that only H has to be lifelong money earner?The wife has some medical condition (which is worsened by warm weather) because of which she can not work and look after the MIL and look after the home at the same time.

I would say, just leave both wife and mother back home and man alone should go to Alaska. coz i feel it is very important that he should have stable job ...so let the man concentrate on his job while two ladies can stay away from the man for some days.
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So, you pick option 3, leave wife to look after the mother? For how many days do you think he should have this stable job?

nicegirlradhi · Mar 17, 2013

monita said: ↑

So, you pick option 3, leave wife to look after the mother? How long do you think he should have this stable job?
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i didnt say leave back the wife to look after MIL. And if the wife condition is as delicate as MIL, it is really dicey situation . perhaps both of them can stay back and husband can arrange medical and caretaker support for both. when he feels stable, he can make them shift to his place along with him.

monita · Mar 17, 2013

nicegirlradhi said: ↑

i didnt say leave back the wife to look after MIL. Leave back the wife for what then? And if the wife condition is as delicate as MIL, it is really dicey situation . perhaps both of them can stay back and husband can arrange medical and caretaker support for both. when he feels stable, he can make them shift to his place along with him.
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Neither the wife nor the mother have any delicate condition at all. The wife is OK but can not manage both work and home(besides her line of work is such that if she gets a job, she will have to work extremely long hours, she has been a media person, if she is not willing to put in the long hours, she can not get the job) , the mother is healthy but old-70yrs, no medical condition at all. But neither of them need any caretaker support definitely.The man's job will be stable, no issues with that.

Pranjjal · Mar 17, 2013

Hi Monita,
MIL and wife can try to get visa to fly to Alaska. If they will stay at different places there will be more expenses.

monita · Mar 17, 2013

Pranjjal said: ↑

MIL and wife can try to get visa to fly to Alaska.
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So, everyone stay together.:thumbsup

Ragini25 · Mar 17, 2013

Before posting a reply - if you don't mind - could you clarify one thing:
Is this a real situation or a hypothetical made-up question? (what an IL-ite once termed as mental masturbation thread)? Nothing wrong with either one - just wanted to know the clarification, that's all.

(I suppose an example hypothetical thread was as http://www.indusladies.com/forums/married-life/208497-what-would-you-do.html )

Rise · Mar 17, 2013

since he was jobless for a while and wife has no income, I guess ...he go first and settle down, arrange home etc in Alaska... like take 3 months and get a bit of finanace ready. then take mom and wife abroad

Rihana · Mar 17, 2013

Looks like there are some issues with the MIL moving to Alaska, because 3 of the 4 options are she not go to Alaska. Is it the climate?

With the given information, it would be better for the MIL to join an OAH (hopefully it is called retirement or senior living community). Man and wife go to Alaska, settle down, set up house. Then, MIL visits them (still retaining OAH spot), stays for a month, and all decide if she likes Alaska enough to stay on.

A husband and wife should not have to stay apart to support a parent who is 70 but healthy and no medical condition. A person's first obligation or commitment remains spouse. Staying apart from spouse to effectively provide "company" or "caretaking" to an old-but-healthy parent is not right.