What's happening in my life?

I ve been married for 3 years now. Mine was an arranged marriage. I was really not ready for marriage as I was just 21 but owing to parents compulsion I gave in and got married. My h was into business and his family assured my parents that they were well off and will take care of me well. When my dad raised some legal questions about my h’s business, they revealed that he has a business partner who happens to be a family friend. My dad dint dig into it and we assumed it to be a male.

On the engagement day my h introduced me to a lady saying that she’s his business partner. I was shocked as my dad never told me about this. After the ceremony I did inquire with my parents and even they said they were not aware of this. They asked me not to bother about it. This lady’s aged 45. my h and I started chatting post the engagement and I would find him talking about her very often. The wedding saree was purchased by her and nobody from my family was taken. She’s a beautician and hails from a very rich family. My h would bug me to get my hair cut/facial etc etc done from her. I would simply refuse. Two days before marriage this lady called me and started giving me ideas on how to dress. I politely answered her call but told my h that I dint like it.

After marriage the next day I found my h ignoring me and messaging someone or talking to someone all the time. Initially I just let it go. After a week we went for honeymoon and even there this pattern continued. After returning from honeymoon I started checking his mobile and found all those msgs/calls where from her. The msgs would be like “you don’t care bout me”, “stupid don’t waste time there” etc. when I confronted him he got angry and said that she’s his mentor and provided him with financial support to start his business. And in front of me he called her and said that I am not approving their friendship.
It got worse after that. She used to call him all during the night and he would get up and go out and speak and come late. And he told me that we shouldn’t plan for a child soon as she doesn’t approve of it. If we got out she would call him again. If he puts his mobile on silent she would call me and instruct me to pass on my mobile to him. I would be just sitting like a lost orphan and watch him talk to her from a distance.
On weekends I would ask him to take me out but he’ll say he has to meet her and she needs his help for something or the other.

Then I raised the matter to my parents still it continued. Later my in laws got involved too. He would promise every time that he will stop talking to her. But that stand would continue just for a couple of days.
He verbally abused my parents when they questioned him. So my parents stopped interfering and asked me to handle it myself. Once he even said that he has to give her 1 lakh and if he repays her he’ll stop talking to her. I begged my parents and gave him the money. Still it continued.

My in laws started convincing me saying that if a child enters our life things would get better. In the end of first yr I got pregnant but had some health issues so it was decided we would wait till 5 months to confirm the news to others. But the same day she called me and congratulated me. It irritated me but I dint want it to ruin my peace of mind. As I was not healthy I shifted to my parents house. From 2<SUP>nd</SUP> month of pregnancy I started getting anonymous calls from a female saying that if I continue living with my h she’ll ruin my life.
I ignored the first 2 times. Then the calls became frequent. These calls were all made from pco booths. When we tracked those calls all were from that lady’s area. So I told my h that it is her and she’s trying to ruin our marriage right from day one. He refused to listen to me and said am crazy. When my dad asked him to file a legal complaint he said no this is a trivial issue we must ignore. So my parents asked me to change my mobile number. The old number was with my dad. I was 6 months preggie then. As my health was much better I returned to in laws place. The next day that lady herself has called my old mobile number which was with my dad. On hearing my dad’s voice she threatened him saying no matter what you do ill ruin your daughter’s life. My dad used some foul words at her and hung up. Before my dad could inform my h she called my h and cried saying that my dad voluntarily made a call to her and abused her. My h called and shouted at my dad. The same day my parents came home and begged my in laws to put an end to all this. I lost my temper and asked my mil why are you being a mute spectator, why cant you ask your son to put an end to all this. My h wasn’t at home that time. My mil immediately called him saying that me and my family were creating ruckus here. On entering the house my h hit me and pushed me down. When my dad came to stop him, he hit my dad and then my mom too. He kicked my dad hard and my dad fell to the ground. Somehow we managed to get out of the house. My mil’s final words were that I had some lover in my past who was making those calls and that my character is bad. My dad had to hospitalized and I filed a complaint in the commissioner’s office. My mom asked me not to mention the psychical abuse and just mention about those threatening calls. Surprisingly those calls stopped once I walked out from h’s house.
After 10 days the case came up for inquiry at the local station. All 3 parties (my family, h and that lady) were summoned. At the station my h dint bother to look at my face. He was fully chatting with that lady and her h. During inquiry that lady used her money power and tried to make me and my family look like liars. But with the help of call logs we were able to prove that we were not. The police just warned her and made her write a letter of apology. My dad dint want to press the case further as I was preg and dint want me to get stressed. I continued staying with my parents and was mentally prepared to bring up the child without his father.

Suddenly during the 8<SUP>th</SUP> month my h started messaging me. I ignored him. His maternal uncle called my dad and said that my h was feeling guilty and would want to continue with me. I discussed with my well wishers and all of them were of the opinion that I must give him a chance at least for the sake of my child. So I met him once at a coffee shop. He said he does not want to discuss the past and promised that the lady will not come into our lives again. I continued staying with my parents. My parents still don’t talk to him.
I delivered a baby boy and when he was 3 months old I went back to h’s place. Till then I was of the opinion that the evil lady is out of my life. But as soon as I went back I found that they are still in contact. My h was never cordial with me. But he’s a good father to my son. Till date we hardly speak to each other. He msgs her late in the night but deletes all the logs. I got his itemized bill and was shocked to see the calls and msgs. I cried, I fought, I threatened. But nothing works. He even said if you want take the child and leave but am not gonna surrender to you. I owe her money so I will continue speaking to her. I see him taking no efforts to repay her. He recently bought a new car. He could have very well settled that money to her. I see him purposely delaying. This lady is completely ruining my life.

What I am not able to understand is:

• What exactly is the relationship between these 2? I don’t suspect anything immoral. But this lady just controls him like a slave.
• I am never regarded as a wife. I do not know what I should do to make my marriage succeed.
• I want to opt for a divorce. But I lack mental courage. My parents are already shattered by all this.
• My in laws are very well aware of everything but are always mute spectators. So no use in talking to them.

Its just for my son I am alive. Else I just don’t want to live. He’s nearly 1 now.
I don’t know how much this problem’s gonna affect him as he grows.

Losing my senses,
WM.

 

Yes i agree. I am solely responsible for ruining my life.

The problem here is his entire family stands by him and they bluntly ask me whats wrong in him talking to her? They ask me what proof do i have to justify something illicit is going on.
The lady's famliy's husband and parents are also aware and even they don't seem to make an issue out of it.
They say am blowing up a small thing.
Am i?? i ve lost my ability to think rationally.

 

I am already accustomed to being lonely. I am just worried about my son.