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What To Do Please Help!!!!!

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by saibulbul, Sep 30, 2019.

  1. saibulbul

    saibulbul Bronze IL'ite

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    @1Sandhya , thanks for understanding my feelings. The problem you pointed out is actually the reason. But I have not received death threats but mental abuse a lot which has left a never healing wound. Your suggestions are most welcome. My being emotional is the main cause of quarrels. Hence I will not be giving another chance to MIL. Yesterday DH cried a lot being emotional but I just told him to forget and move on. Ours was a love marriage and MIL was not happy with my looks. She always had a disappointment about me not being beautiful and hence so many comparisons were made with other beautiful DIL. I just didn't mind as I know I am a creation of god and whoever questions my look is questioning God's creation. Anyways DH and I have decided to forget for child's sake. DH loves me and his family too. I never interfere in DH's family love but their intolerance towards me is something which is out of my mind. Whatever it is silence is the best medicine and staying happy irrespective of situations and avoiding unnecessary quarrels and arguments with DH is the best step to be taken as of now. Am I right here. Yes I have strong parental control. As far as I am thinking if I will always be emotional and hurt with these type of people then it may affect my health and in turn my child have to suffer. Hence decided that I have to stay strong and ignore any unwanted comments from these cheap mentality people.
     
    Last edited: Oct 8, 2019
  2. 1Sandhya

    1Sandhya Platinum IL'ite

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    His talking about 'if something happened to you' is extremely problematic. Probably first time he said that compared to years of taunts so you are discounting it. Dont take it lightly. It is not normal. Why should the thought of a healthy, 20 or 30 something girl dying suddenly come up? You should definitely tell your parents about that conversation. It could be that he is repeating what his mother said. Even so it is worth being careful (and OK) than careless and sorry.

    Really? That was pretty quick. Does he normally apologize this quickly? After all that drama, walking out, not picking up phone etc, in a single day he gave all those ultimatums also, cried a lot also and you forgave also? OP, something is fishy. Really fishy. And you as usual are not realizing. Again you are being emotional and getting carried away. I think rule #1 for you should be not to make ANY decisions on the fly. No matter what is said to you, take time to think it over before reacting. Like a few hours or a day. Think it over doesnt mean you wont forgive him. It means you will think through all the repercussions on you and your kid. If your relationship is the kind he can say anything and everything to you and you forgive it in a second, why should he treat you differently? That is why you have this state of affairs. I think you have your own insecurity about him which is made you do this. Control yourself. Dont be insecure. Have confidence. You have a lot to lose by being impulsive and emotional. And keep your folks in the loop. Tell them what happened, when it happens and ask their advice. Now you will delay telling them because all is well and why to dig the past but remember all it takes is one trip for your husband to go see his mom and things are back to square one. You are living on the edge of a volcano.
    Your being pretty or not is not the issue. The problem is you are his choice, which he made without her input. If you were pretty also there would be complaints, she is too stuck up, she spends too much on clothes, maharani thinks she is too good for us etc.

    Yes you are on right track. The mistake you are making is thinking you can handle this on your own. For your sake and your kid's sake, involve some trusted family and let them know what is going on. You are too emotional and out of your depth to handle this by yourself, in my opinion.
     
  3. saibulbul

    saibulbul Bronze IL'ite

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    After all the incidents DH doesn't show any respect to my parents. He is just ignoring them which is hurting me a lot. While my parents are the one who are looking after our baby and helping us. How can one be so ungrateful. What if I will show disrespect to his parents. Inspite of all the mental tortures they have given me, I still look after them and respect them. This is just hurting me a lot. He is not even looking at my mom's face. Sometimes I feel like talking about this to him but then I have lost all confidence in him that he will care for me or my emotions. When I visited his home, i bowed down to cosis but she just ignored me and didnot look to my face. Still I talked to her because his parents especially his mother wanted me to do so. I have no self respect in his house. I am just a stranger in their house. Feeling very hurt. They just want that I look after them even if I ignore my child. Many instances are there. I am having tears in my eyes writing this.
     
  4. ProudIndian

    ProudIndian Gold IL'ite

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    When your husband or in-laws are shouting on you record it and make multiple copies, it will be very helpful for you and many other women suffering like this. Then tell your husband and in laws about law for harassment and you have all recordings. You will see big difference soon. Also tell your husband you are writing your thoughts everyday and telling your office friends neighbors etc
     
    Sunshine04 likes this.
  5. lavani

    lavani Gold IL'ite

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    respect is 2 way. give exactly how much you get. i agree with ProudIndian post, keep note of emotional abuse.
    it is long way ahead for you.

    your H is a wierd one, sorry to say that. my H , and lot of men i work with are very concerned about their children , even more than their wives. however i also would add in side your H ( he is not mature as a father ) , i feel my H changed, once we moved to US. I guess it is biological to women. men had to spend time alone with kid to bond well. right now your H is in the shadow or In laws or alone.
     
  6. SinghManisha

    SinghManisha Platinum IL'ite

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    Hold on tightly to your job and your self respect. Your husband and in-laws deserve each other, while you deserve better.
     
  7. saibulbul

    saibulbul Bronze IL'ite

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    He thinks that his mother can look after baby if my mom is not there. But its not like that in reality. Neither his mom can take care of baby nor household works. She cant do any help although she is absolutely fine and healthy. She expects a DIL to do all works like a superwoman and that too in a express speed although she herself sits idle through out the day. And this thing I have experienced with MIL since she was with me for somedays when my mom had gone to my native for some work.
    Above all they blame me that since baby is attached to me and not leaving me hence you have to face consequences that is you take care of baby and household. I am sick of their complaints about a 11 months old baby that baby is attached to mother. Its really frustrating for me sometimes.
     

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