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What to do in such situation of husband wanting to leave me alone?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by diana, Jul 17, 2007.

  1. diana

    diana Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi friends,

    3 months after posting my problem on this forum, I have again come with my same problem but with different situation.

    End April my hubby got a job here in Kuwait through my sister's husband and he came here. Last month when my sister's husband informed that there was a chance for a job for me here too (in my bil's Company), my hubby brought me here along with our kids. A week after I came here i started working.

    I was very happy in coming here, as i thought i will get more time alone with my hubby (without his/my family).

    As I stay close to my sister now, I informed her about my problem with my hubby. She insisted that on weekends to send my kids to her place, to play with her kids, so that I can spend enough time with my hubby. But when my hubby sees that he is alone with me, he makes excuses and goes out of the house, keeping me all alone at home. It just seems like he wants to get away from me. I really dont know what i can do to make my situation better.

    The other problem is, I have no other support from him, in any work. Here I have to see my job, kids, house work and also kids school/studies. He doesnt help me with anything. Leaves everything on me. It was ok when i was in India. I had help from others, but after coming here i feel all alone.

    When i have to go anywhr i cant even leave kids with him, thinking he will take care, cause he says that if i have to go, i either have to take them along or leave them at my sis place, he will not be able to manage. My sister on and off helps me, but she has her fly to see too.

    I had even asked my sis hubby to speak to my hubby about his probelms, and when he spoke to him, he straightly refused saying that he doesnt like to speak in this matter.

    Inspite of all my above problems, I dont fight or argue with him. I am basically a soft spoken person. I rarely lose my temper. But also i am very sensitive, all this hurts me alot within.

    Please friends advise me as to, what i can do in such situation. :cry:

    Diana
     
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  2. arch174

    arch174 Senior IL'ite

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    Re: What to do in such situation

    hi Diana,
    I do not have much to say but yes,,,we all can hear out ur problems if that is of any help:confused:
    does ur husband have abig ego like most indian males?
     
  3. diana

    diana Bronze IL'ite

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    Re: What to do in such situation

    Dear arch174,

    As i had said in my earlier forum, that my hubby is a very reserved and a quiet person. He has turn bitter towards women, due to his girlfriend ditching him.

    Besides his mom, he doesnt like being friends with women(sis, sil, wife, etc) If i had known this about him, I wouldnt have married him. My inlaws have hidden lots of things from my fly, which came in the open only after i got married.

    Before marrying my hubby i got to know him just for few weeks. Like i said it was an arranged marriage. My hubby was working in Saudi, he came down on vacation when i met him. Alll things were discussed by my fly and relatives.

    As we were from a low standard background and my inlaws were from high class, my fly agreed on marriage. I was a bit fussy but my fly was adamant.

    I met my hubby on 2-3 ocassion, where i noticed he spoke less and asked me few questions and gave a brief of his job in saudi, etc etc.

    Six month later v were married. My inlaws are a gem of a people, when it comes to treating me. They treat me as their own daughter. I am a soft-spoken and a hard working person. And in the whole my hubby has no complaints against me.

    He has no bad habits, the only thing is he doesnt want to talk. I keep telling him and he only listens. Sometime i feel i am just talking to walls. My relations has been such since i hv been married to him. He doesnt come forward in taking responsibility, and leaves everything one me.

    I wonder when he will come out of his shell. Or will it ever? Will things ever change.

    Diana
     
  4. payalg

    payalg New IL'ite

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    I have seen a friend in a very similar situation, where her husband didnt really show any emotions to her, he never complained and never showed any love .....just behaved indifferent as if she was more of a colleague than a wife

    Later she came to know he loved someone a lot and that relationship didnt work out and he never got over her, he married because of his parents wish but never gave any love to my friend

    She cant even complain coz he doesnt do anything bad to her but is most of the times lost in his own world and work

    I just hope it is not the same in ur case
     
  5. Padmash

    Padmash Platinum IL'ite

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    hi Diana,

    reading ur post is heart breaking. but u have some positive sides of ur hubby try to count them. he is heart broken we don't know the depth of his relationship with other women who ditched her, so it will take time till he realizes u r real love of his life. try to keep urself busy with kids and some weekend plan for outing. ur problem will be solved how much it will take don't know. he don't have any complains against u his parents treat u like their own daughter, so if u face any problem they will stand for u as they also know their son's problem. very slowly u try to change nothing can be cha nged suddenly. u don't take any tension it leads to depression which will spoil ur health and ur kids future too. so u be strong, have faith in God u r on right side definitely he will understand ur love.

    take care
    padma
     
  6. arch174

    arch174 Senior IL'ite

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    hi Diana,
    I am also from Mumbai & wish from my heart that things turn out fine
    I gather that apart from this problem u had other ambitions which cud not be fulfilled...r u in position to focus on those +ve things as ur mind will be diverted..ur in-laws r ur immediate family as of now..give ur husband some time..time is biggest healer
    wot about ur children with his kids..?
     
  7. diana

    diana Bronze IL'ite

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    Dear payalg,
    The story of your friend relates to me. So I guess I should say I am not alone.

    Dear arch174,
    As I have said I now live and work in <?xml:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:eek:ffice:smarttags" /><st1:country-region w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">Kuwait</st1:place></st1:country-region> with my fly. Living here with 2 kids is very diff, with expenses daily going up. So I need to work along with my husband to survive here. So the question of fulfilling my ambition does not arise. Also I lost my interest in it, as now being a mother I have to give full priority to my kids. And I said no help from hubby, so you can guess how stressful my life is.


    But friends, its been seven years for my marriage and nothing has changed within this time and looks like nothing will. Sometimes I feel thinking that after sometime everything will be ok, I have done a mistake. Like, after having a kid, then again after another kid, after I start working, etc etc. But life just seems to be going on as usual for me.

    I know and I am grateful to God, for giving me good inlaws and loving kids, who are there for me always. But yet a part of me is empty. I really regret marrying my husband and wasting all my lovely years. Maybe I will never be able to forgive him for this.

    Diana:cry:
     
    Last edited: Jul 18, 2007
  8. diana

    diana Bronze IL'ite

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    Re: What to do in such situation ....... Good News!!

    Hi friends,

    Last wednesday I had a row with my husband on his not helping behaviour. I simply lost my control and told him that i do not wish to stay any longer with him and wish to go back for good.

    He was angry too and said that if i want i could go, but our kids will not be going with me (maybe he thought if he says so i wont go), but i said ok, i will go alone without them and he will have to manage kids alone.

    On seeing me pack my belongings, made him desperate. He first called up my sister who lives few blocks away and then also called up my parents in India.

    My sister was worried but i said i have no options and i am tired of the life i am living. My parents were worried but i told them that if they do not want then i will stay somewhere else if not with them.

    And to tell you'll the truth i really meant that. As i was very upset and frustrated from within.

    Just before i could leave, my husband said Sorry to me and said he will think over his behaviour and will also lend a helping hand to me.

    I am really very happy now, and look forward for a good life. I know i shouldnt expect everything to go well quickly, but will be patient enough to wait for things to improve.

    Past 2-3 nights my husband wakes in the middle of his sleep and hugs me. I guess he is scared that i will leave him and go.

    Thanks alot friends for your good wishes and YES prayers do work wonders.

    A happy Diana:-D
     
    Last edited: Aug 23, 2007
  9. arch174

    arch174 Senior IL'ite

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    Hi Diana,
    I want to be the 1st person to congragulate u on ur new beginning...great going..:2thumbsup: keep us informed abt juicy bits :wink:
     
  10. Sindhuja

    Sindhuja Silver IL'ite

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    Diana,
    I am very happy for you. All the best!
     

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