What should I do ?? family issues

I was brought up in a very closed knit family with strong emphasis family values,
that left a strong impact on our minds and I had wished to carry that forward after my wedding. My parents treated me and my brothers as equal , probably pampered me a little more

I have been married for close to four years, it was arranged marriage as it it happens in most of the families my parents and Inlaws have add issues sometimes due to miscommunication and sometimes due to different atmospheres.
My inlaws always felt that my parents are girls parents and should not have say in anything, small things like not going to a party or not wishing on a festival just once in a while were made out of proportion. While my parents ignored it for sometime now they take these things seriously and don't accept certain things they feel are wrong and convey it my inlaws( Which is good as they need to set the right expectations and stand for the right)

I always tried to maintain a separate relationship with my inlaws, what it means is , if my inlaws and parents had some problems I asked them to deal it directly
as me and my husband were greatly being affected this.

Even my parents and inlaws major problems I tried to maintain a cordial relationship with my inlaws, the reason being while I was growing up I was always taught that to treat inlaws as my own parents now as problems start growing these are the issues I am facing

- My inlaws think my husband has changed after wedding that is he has more importance for me and my parents ( it is totally not true), he is given a very hard time emotionally because they feel he doesnt care much.

- My parents are always super upset with me, because they think I never standup for them when my inlaws say something wrong and do something wrong

- When I had some problems with my inlaws in the past I didnt argue with them and just overlooked lot of stuff which did not happen correctly with me. I overlooked because I thought me reacting to the situation would make my husbands relationship with his parents more complicated and I also thought both families would suffer. As my parents know what I went through they feel I am a very scared person and I dont standup for myself either.

How do I deal this situation, really confused. How can I make my parents and inlaws understand that they are equal and most important part of our lifes ?

How do we as girls/ women keep a strong relationship with our parents, when are seperated by distance, time