What my mom wants?

Maybe you should tell your mum straight up how you exactly feel and how it is hurting your feelings and ask for an explanation. From your description, it does not sound like its your fault and it can be frustrating and painful when your own mum or dad does not appreciate you or supportive of you.

You should tell her without mincing words how you feel and ask her for an explanation. I think she owes you that much. That is what I would do, if I were you.

 

Hi,

Dont leave the JOB for any reason. If you dont want to go for higher education, its ok, but never leave your job for anyone. Your Mom wants you to be successful, not a slave to anyone like her.

When you madly fall in love, you'll never be able to rise up for your rights, needs... u have to live ur life for others as per their wish (as your mother is doing). Living life for others is good but people will not care for you, u will be repeating the same as ur mom ...

If you leave your Job after marriage, see to that u earn thr some part time jobs.


:thumbsup , Best Wishes

i don't want to hurt u by writing this, but live for Urself.....Men really dont care... they just use us for their needs. Take Care

 

Why are you crying, a young boy asked his Mom?

"Because I'm a woman," she told him.

"I don't understand," he said.

His Mom just hugged him and said,
"And you never will, but that's O.K.".......

Later the little boy asked his father,
"Why does Mom seem to cry for no reason?".
"All women cry for no reason," was all his Dad could say......

The little boy grew up and became a man,
still wondering why women cry.

Finally he put in a call to God and when God got back to him, he asked "God, why do women cry so easily?"

GOD answered......

"When I made woman,
I decided she had to be special.
I made her shoulders
strong enough to carry
the weight of the world, yet,
made her arms gentle enough to give comfort...

I gave her the inner strength
to endure childbirth
and the rejection
that many times will come
even from her own children.

I gave her a hardness
that allows her
to keep going and take care
of her family and friends,
even when everyone else gives up, through sickness and fatigue without
complaining....

I gave her the sensitivity to love her children under any and all
circumstances. Even when her child has hurt her badly....

She has the very special power to make a child's boo-boo feel better and
to quell a teenager's anxieties and fears....

I gave her strength to care for her husband, despite faults
and I fashioned her from his rib to protect his heart....

I gave her wisdom to know that a good husband never hurts his wife, but
sometimes tests her strengths and her resolve to stand beside him
unfalteringly....

For all of this hard work,
I also gave her a tear to shed.
It is hers to use
whenever needed and !
it is her only weakness....
When you see her cry,
tell her how much you love her, and all she does for everyone, and even though
she may still cry, you will have made her heart feel good.

Love your Mother Always
and keep her Smiling
:thumbsup

 

You and me, Mithy. you AND me. It took me a good 30 years to understand I have to prove nothing to no one but myself. I do understand where you come from, I lived all my life wondering if I will ever measure up, if I ever will be good enough. But I am. I did/do my work well and IMO, I am raising my child well, I love and am loved unconditionally now. At 35 years, I have finally found what it is to be accepted for who I am...
Dont study to make your parents happy, but because you want to learn. Dont excel in what you do to make any one proud, but because excelling in what you do and doing the best you can do under every situation gives YOU pleasure.
You are clearly trying to get your mom's acceptance here. If it has not happened unconditionally already, it may never. But that does not mean you are not good at what you do or you are not worthy of her love. She has her reasons for not showing you how much she cares. I agree with Malavika, ask for those reasons. If there are no acceptable ones, so be it. Walk on.
Talk to your fiance, find out why he does not want you to work after marriage. Figure out how you see yourself in the future with your loved one. Whether your fiance wants you to have a career or not, it is always good to have some money stashed away that can be of use when there is a need for the family/you. Find a job that will give you joy and just enjoy your life. Hugs. HTH

 

[justify]Hmm I was just thinking from your Mom's point of view.. might be knowing root of the cause solves the problem than correcting the effects of root cause... Please don't get me wrong.

Agreed you had miserable childhood. But all these things...wouldn't they have killed your mom from inside ?? That she lost interest in everything. Even in raising her kids? This might happen.

Agreed she did a mistake here by caring only about two things. But might be she was concentrating more on her office work and her career because she realizes only that's the means of bread/butter to the family(mainly kids) as your dad doesn't give money home. So she had no other go other than thinking/worrying about office ?? And she thinks about your dad because she might be thinking...correcting him will solve all her problems....

She was bad at weighing importance of things there. But yeah she had no other go at that time/no other thought at that time and she was drowning in confusions and emotions ?? There might be a chance....

Again she as bad at weighing things and their importance...She should have values you more than dad and problems. But the torture( mental) the circumstances gave her.... might be she could not even listen to others problems when she herself was drowning in unending ocean of her own things/issues . Responsibility of bringing whole family into a pace stands on her weak shoulders at that time...weak because she already had lot of mental tensions...

Obviously she might hate you for that. For her men NEVER support. She closely saw a male in her life who never ever supported her...and she feels only education saved her family...as she is educated and earned for the whole family/fed them/attended their needs . So she might be worried about you that "if you don't concentrate on engineering tomorrow(touchwood) your husband might be the same and never give you money so you have to earn for yourself".....I know its nothing but insecurity of a mother...She is insecure about your future that you might face troubles( trouble any form) as she faced and at that time education might save you....

This shows how much you love your mom. Kudos for that. You faced failures. But she might be worrying about your settlement. For your mom all that matters is you are secure professionally/financially. She doesn't see failures ....success in your deeds. Again this because she had bad past.

I understand your frustration. But her intentions might not be seeing a perfectionist in you.

Yeah obviously she thinks the same. Have you ever told your mom that fiance doesn't like you to work because of health reasons ?? This might have triggered her to say so that he cajoles you. She is WORRIED about you. After seeing a man sooo closely...in her life who never supports her and after facing so many troubles all alone... will she be able to trust any other man soo easily ??? and that too the man is marrying her darling doll( YOU) and is asking her not to work ?? His intentions might be pure...i.e to help you...but your mom does not see it that way....

And again She WAS NOT blessed with good career, She, with all her might and will made her career great !!! I don't say she did right. But that was her way of saving a drowning boat( your family) .

talking about dad?? in good way or bad way ??

Yeah she regrets about her past. She must have loved your dad sooo much in the initial phase and she can never forget the love even thought he never cared for her..

If she is talking bad...she again remembers all those troubles she faced at young age because of him . She must have dreamt of great life in her childhood/teenage...which she never got. So She must be feeling very bad for it..

Yeah you did right thing mithy... . Don't leave her for her fate. She already lost trust on husband's. If you leave her..she will loose trust on whole humanity...

You were indirect target of your dad and mom's fights...because you never had to pay debts...Your mom was the direct target. Just think for a while....being indirect target you suffered sooo much....being direct target what all health issues /troubles etc she must have faced all these years ???

I am just saying. Be bold. Never search for shoulder in her. Be a shoulder to her. Understand her intentions to make you secure professionally/financially. When she expresses troubles. Thank her for what she did. Might be your bond with your mother grows and eventually you can make her understand your plight. Put yourself in her shoes and reach her heart !!! Make her feel she is loved sooooooo much...IMO she is hurt very deep inside...try to cure the wound from inside rather than curing the outer part which is not curable until inner part is cured. !!!


[/justify]

 

Hi Mithy,

Thanks, I felt i may be out of the topic, but u understood what i felt.

For me success is not in studies( getting 98%) but understand the things u do. If engineering is not ur stuff, go for teaching the same subject. My friend who got distinction in her B.tech is not able to fix a tubelight or repair a electrical appliances. Now she is working as a teacher in the same college.

So, go for MBA (take a Loan from the bank) finish the course then repay the money.
Abt ur fiance let him study & get a job first, let him settle then think of marriage.
Ur MOM, she is dominating by nature, its ok. All mom are like that.
Tom, when u become a mother, u'll be dominating,,,).
All women are dominating, only the ways are different
few are silent, some are :spin, :rant, ...
After ur marriage his parents, friends all ll say that ur dominating.:rotfl

Ur mom is not happy with what you dont do,
She wants you to be successful.., Live ur life Independently.
I wont say be ur mom's daughter .
but think if you have a daughter what will you expect???????:idea

Put ur legs in your mom's shoe & see..

Best wishes:thumbsup