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What kind of person she is?

Discussion in 'Parents & Siblings' started by msms, Jun 18, 2015.

  1. msms

    msms Gold IL'ite

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    Hi Ladies,

    After spending a lot of time to understand the simple relationship, which is very complicated in our case, I thought of taking opinions. Its about my brother and mostly about my bhabhi.

    Theirs is love marriage, bhabhi is not of our cast. But still both side of the parents agreed and arranged the marriage. My brother is elder to me and has been always protective. In childhood we had very good bonding, though we were not that close like other siblings that you share all your secrets with each other.

    After their marriage they moved to another city as both of them were working. So my bhabhi never got a chance to spend much time with my parents and us. But we use to talk over phone and she seemed to be nice.

    Later on we got to know with few incidents that she's very straightforward and would say anything to people if she's not in a good mood. We ignored all those things. But my brother told that she's kind of person who would not forget anything until she resolves earlier issues. So I tried to speak to her many times.

    The problem is , I am also married now, and my brother doesn't speak to my husband at all (with me also rarely). Not even on phone. He says you first resolve your issues with her, then only our relations can become better.

    I have tried my level best and still trying to make the relationship better but I don't understand her. Once we spoke for a very long time and she said everything is fine, then suddenly she changed her mood. And this has happened many times. I always, always try to talk to her, she always tries to ignore. I understood that she doesn't want to have anything with me. But when I think of my brother I feel so bad. Why can't we have a normal relationship like other siblings.
     
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  2. sindmani

    sindmani Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi op. I think the best way is talk to ur brother regarding ur sibling relation rather than concentrating on ur relationship with ur bhabhi. U explain ur brother. Try it.
     
  3. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Op...why do you feel bad for your brother?If he wants,he can have a normal relationship with his sister without bothering his wife. The key word is normal.....as long as he is giving the love and care to his wife that she deserves,there is no reason for this reaction.

    There is something missing here.What is it that he wants resolved?Something must have happened.

    Anyways... why worry about keeping relations with people who are not keen.Just keep normal relationship. If you tried to talk to her and still they feel something has not been resolved,then stop making effort.Some people just like to keep issues alive for ever to get as much mileage and attention as they can . You concentrate on other relationships .
     
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  4. msms

    msms Gold IL'ite

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    Thanks @yellowmango and @sindmani.
    @sindmani...yes I spoke to my brother about this, his answer is always same. Get close to her, things will become better.
    @yellowmango..issues I did not mention here. Ours was arranged marriage. Before meeting to my husband, we had almost decided to go ahead. My first meeting with my husband was at my bhabhi's place. That time my brother was abroad. So only my bhabhi was there. When my husband came to meet me, she was not in a good mood. Don't know if she had some office pressure something. She did not talk to my husband at all and ignored him badly. This was the first impression she gave to an outsider that time. Our marriage could have broken, if my husband would have told these things at his home. After he left she became very normal. I told these things to my parents and that was my fault.
    Now after 10 years of their marriage things are still same. She says because of me, her impression is bad on my parents. And when I asked him the reason for her behaviour..she said I was testing your husband's negative side.
    I've been trying to resolve this but no use. My brother has kids also 5 years and 3 years, and we have not met them yet.
    Only thing I feel bad when I see other married siblings. But I guess I need to move on as you suggested.
     
  5. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Op,looks like your brother and bhabhi are extremely immature people to carry such grudges even when you have tried to make amends.
    What else can you do that your brother expects? How does he expect you to get close to her?
    Let it go...their loss.

    She doesn't look like an emotionally balanced person. Her excuse that she was trying to find out the negative side of your husband seems like such a stupid excuse.

    Think of this as a blessing. God know how many such issues she would have made if you were normal to each other.

    What if you make up and she again decides to find your husband's negative side??
    Why do you want such people to get a chance to upset your life. You tried and that is good on your part.let it go.Your brother doesn't bother,why should you?
     
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  6. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    She is crazy.testing someone's negative side?wth?
    Tell bro u miss him but u will not disturb him no more.u have tried enough and if ur bhabi is that egoistic,no use trying no more.

    it hurts but u need ur respect too.someday he will value ur worth
     

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