What is the reason behind inlaws issues???......pour in your thoughts...

adimad · Mar 12, 2014

saipavani123 said: ↑

[justify]Dear all....
just a doubt.... Do always in-laws make mistakes??...and DIL never makes a mistake ??There might be cases where DIL has done something(intentionally or unintentionally )...and in laws (whatever bad they do) is reaction to DIL's action... can this never be the case.... I think in this thread we need to think from both the sides..... Is it always in-laws who feel insecure..??? Is it always in laws who trouble ?? Just a thought though....

We may say...in laws show hatred isliye DIL shows hatred....or in laws show love isliye DIL hows love. Why can't it be...DIL shows love and so in-laws show love ?? or DIL shows hatred so in-laws show hatred.... ??

[/justify]
Click to expand...

Because in-laws are the ones wanting to become a part of the life of a married couple. As far as initiating love / hatred is concerned, a husband and a wife should be only working on their relationship with each other first. If outsiders (boy's parents, or girl's parents) try to become a part of their marriage, then they are the ones initiating love or hatred. The couple should not be inviting outsiders to come and be a part of their marriage by initiating love / hatred for them.

adimad · Mar 12, 2014

Anuradha00 said: ↑

Oh, I can fully empathize with your grandparents about the youngest dil from hell. My parents also have the son & dil from hell. I include son here because he is far more to blame than his wife. His wife was unknown to us before he got married, so I can understand her lack of interest or empathy in the well being of our parents. What I cannot accept is my brother's attitude. He is completely under the control of his wife and her mother. The two of them dominate him and he is totally hen pecked.

Ssd thing is he was the favorite child. Everything given to him was always highest quality, be it education or clothing or housing or even wedding. I, the daughter, had a simple wedding but my parents and uncle went overboard with his wedding much to the surprise of even our relatives. My parents even into debt to fund his every desire and he was spoiled rotten. When he didn't get into professional college by merit, they spent lacs of rupees in capitation fee to get him into one. This money was actually allocated for our family business but it was diverted into this fellow's education. When this same business failed about 5 years ago and my parents had to sell everything (including house, cars etc) to pay back creditors my brother (earning well in US) didn't send them a pie. I, a married daughter, with permission from my hubby had to send money to help them with even day-to-day needs. My brother started arguing with them about how he cannot help them because he has his own needs to take care of. Now, my parents weren't asking for thousands of dollars, just maybe 100 dollars a month to help with housing and medical costs (Rs. 4500 pm). This my brother could very well afford as he himself boasted about his paycheck.

It gets worse. Many years ago, my uncle (unmarried brother of my father) took out a life insurance policy for a large sum of money and named my father and my brother as beneficiaries. This was when my brother was still in his teens and we did not know how he would behave a few years later. When the business failed and my brother showed his true colors, my uncle esp was heart broken because my brother was like his own son to him. In fact, my uncle was more considerate of my brother than his own brother (my father). So, he was worst affected by brother's behavior. Sil also used to make comments to the effect why uncle has to stay with my parents, why he was adding to expenses etc. It was none of her bloody business. Uncle is my father's surrogate father, philosopher, guide, and business partner. My brother never told her to shut up and not talk about our uncle in this manner. As soon as uncle realized about my brother and his wife he wanted to change his insurance policy but to our great tragedy he died in a road accident en route to our native place within a year of the business failing.

That year my parents, especially my father, went through hell. You know what my brother and his wife did when they came to know of uncle's death? They wanted their share of the life insurance policy proceeds! They claimed that they also have a daughter now and they wanted to ensure her future (with insurance proceeds from my uncle's demise whom they did not even respect! SHAMELESS people).

I am stopping here now because I am in tears and getting too emotional. So people who think that only inlaws are bad and dils are lily pure - obviously you must have suffered some grave injustice at hands of bad inlaws for you to think so but please dont. Evil dils are very much around. It is even worst when son also becomes a pucca joru ka gulaam and nods his head to his wife's unreasonable demands. Is it any wonder that elderly inlaws become insecured when they end up with these dils from hell?
Click to expand...

You yourself started with saying it is more your brother's fault than DIL. ANd I agree - I think it is totally your brother's fault, not his wife's. So why calling HER DIL from hell in the last paragraph??? Stop assuming that your brother is under the influence of his wife and her mother without any evidence. It could very well be the case that your brother is the bad egg.

anika987 · Jul 5, 2015

Old thread but good one.

1) EGO.both for inlaws and dils.
2)POSSESSIVENESS.for both.
3)inlaws cannot be parents and dils cannot be daughters.
4)INSECURITY.
5) nobody is bad.because of the above four we voluntarily and involuntarily commit mistakes.

I guess nuclear family does not work even if all is good.any relationship needs space.Especaially with all so well educated these days makes less sense to tolerate nonsense.

p.s: I have a brother for whom we r looking for a girl and my mom is a widow who lives with him.Still I ask my mother either come live with me or if she wants stay close by atleast.asking her to let brother and his wife be alone.

one thing for mothers with daughters..they r lucky as they have a daughter who will take care of them.for sons..tough even if they wants to!iam also a dil.)