1. Have an Interesting Snippet to Share : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice

What is the opposite of "Respect"?

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by satchitananda, May 17, 2015.

Page 3 of 5
  1. May 18, 2015 #21
    tarasharma

    tarasharma Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    563
    Likes Received:
    430
    Trophy Points:
    138
    Gender:
    Female
    @yellowmango

    Same here. My dad addresses my husband as 'Aap'. However, My mother starts a sentence in Hindi with "Tum" and unknowingly ends it in Punjabi with "Tu".

    My husband is very amused by this. He addresses them as "Aap".
     
    tarasharma, May 18, 2015
    tarasharma, May 18, 2015
    #21
    3 people like this.
  2. May 18, 2015 #22
    satchitananda

    satchitananda IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    17,880
    Likes Received:
    25,954
    Trophy Points:
    590
    Gender:
    Female
    Aha! Now you have said just what I have been trying to tell my students when they say "Sie" is said out of respect. NO! "Sie" or "aap" or 'neenga' is not out of 'respect' but out of 'formality'. Like I said, I would not say 'nee' to a rickshaw driver or to a stranger because I am not close to that person. Nor does it mean that a person I address to as 'nee' evokes no respect from me - even a baby is a person and deserves respect.

    What I don't understand basically is the concept of "respect" as it is used in our culture, because often there is no real love, regard or respect involved - only distance and formality.
     
    satchitananda, May 18, 2015
    satchitananda, May 18, 2015
    #22
    1 person likes this.
  3. May 18, 2015 #23
    satchitananda

    satchitananda IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    17,880
    Likes Received:
    25,954
    Trophy Points:
    590
    Gender:
    Female
    JS Ma'am, I could not help chuckling at your mention of 'da'. It seems to be the 'fashionable' term of affection between friends these days. As for 'di', well even if the husbands don't do that the ILs make up for the shortcoming by addressing as 'di', 'ivale' ...... :-D

    Totally agree with you; we seem to use it as a matter of convenience irrespective of any regard. But in many societies, they use it reciprocally as a matter of formality. One starts with a "aap" with strangers or colleagues at work. In the past even strange kids were referred to as 'aap' (though much less today). Then it is upto the person higher up in the ladder (e.g. a boss) to offer the prerogative of addressing him/her as "tum" and he/she does the same. If I address someone as 'tum' and he/she addresses me as 'aap' it is considered insulting - it means they do not reciprocate my desire to be more informal. This is precisely the difficulty I face in explaining the difference between 'respect' and 'formality'.
     
    satchitananda, May 18, 2015
    satchitananda, May 18, 2015
    #23
  4. May 18, 2015 #24
    tarasharma

    tarasharma Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    563
    Likes Received:
    430
    Trophy Points:
    138
    Gender:
    Female
    So So True... :)
     
    tarasharma, May 18, 2015
    tarasharma, May 18, 2015
    #24
    1 person likes this.
  5. May 18, 2015 #25
    yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    7,663
    Likes Received:
    23,148
    Trophy Points:
    440
    Gender:
    Female
    You got me thinking and I realized I address all stranger kids as 'aap'......even the really small ones.Even baby talk is done using aap....."alle baby aap itne bade ho gaye!!!! awww!!!"

    The ones I know well are 'tum' but kids in the family are either 'tum' or 'tu'.
     
    yellowmango, May 18, 2015
    yellowmango, May 18, 2015
    #25
    2 people like this.
  6. May 18, 2015 #26
    satchitananda

    satchitananda IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    17,880
    Likes Received:
    25,954
    Trophy Points:
    590
    Gender:
    Female
    "Baby aap" sounds so good.
     
    satchitananda, May 18, 2015
    satchitananda, May 18, 2015
    #26
  7. May 18, 2015 #27
    Kamalji

    Kamalji IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    13,153
    Likes Received:
    5,819
    Trophy Points:
    545
    Gender:
    Male
    Dear Satchi,

    A good one that. Well i called Dad, dad, and mom mummy. Granny was Ammi.And for me anyone older, were uncles and aunts.

    My first cousin, well he was born when i was 20, and he used to call me kamal and not uncle, as he should have. i still rib him about it.

    that is why i love english, uncle is uncle, not chacha or mama, or ophuphad or masad etc.

    HAHA

    Regards

    kamal
     
    Kamalji, May 18, 2015
    Kamalji, May 18, 2015
    #27
    1 person likes this.
  8. May 18, 2015 #28
    satchitananda

    satchitananda IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    17,880
    Likes Received:
    25,954
    Trophy Points:
    590
    Gender:
    Female
    Kamalji, did that reduce your cousin's respect for you? Never mind how you addressed them, did you refer to each other as "aap" or "tum"? Did that have any bearing on each one's "respect" for the other?
     
    satchitananda, May 18, 2015
    satchitananda, May 18, 2015
    #28
    1 person likes this.
  9. May 18, 2015 #29
    justanothergirl

    justanothergirl IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    3,915
    Likes Received:
    7,188
    Trophy Points:
    408
    Gender:
    Female
    Agree with u Satchi..for me saying ne /neengal is strictly tied to the closeness I share. I think every family is different in this regard.


    Parents/ bro both Ni at times MR and MRS when I am really in a jovial
    mood.I even have a bunch of nicknames for amma and appa.
    Grand mom on appas side Ni she lived with us and I was very close to her ..ammas side neengal since I met her once every couple of years .
    My parents siblings both sides Ni ..They visited us often and are a very affectionate bunch..
    Their spouses some ni and some neengal depending on how much they loved to hang out with the second gen. It had nothing to do with gender.


    DH ni .MIL and FIL neengal even if I address them amma and appa.
    DHs bro Neengal ..co-sister ni. Mom and dad refer to both their son-in law and daughter in law ni. But my moms oldest brother the
    bhishma pitama of the family refers to my DH as neengal .. ....go figure :bang.


    We dont use Di/da in the family ..only va ma and va pa etc regardless of age. Dad is esp particular about this..no woman will be addressed as di in his presence.

    My kids...Sigh... my oldest has the same habit..he has a bunch of nicknames
    for me and DH which are faithfully parroted by the others.:bonk
     
    justanothergirl, May 18, 2015
    justanothergirl, May 18, 2015
    #29
    1 person likes this.
  10. May 18, 2015 #30
    justanothergirl

    justanothergirl IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    3,915
    Likes Received:
    7,188
    Trophy Points:
    408
    Gender:
    Female
    Yes the term sure is abused as with so many things in this world..but saying that it doesnt mean real love in Indian culture....I dont think so..
    Like the colors mixed by a painter....expressions of love and respect are so unique to an individual there is always more than one way to express it even when it does not conform to our own.
     
    justanothergirl, May 18, 2015
    justanothergirl, May 18, 2015
    #30
    1 person likes this.
Page 3 of 5

Share This Page