What is my life all about? Every single day this is the only question I seem to be asking myself. My life seems to be empty. I feel like I have no friends to hangout. I have nothing else to do other than cook and clean. What is my purpose in life? I cannot seem to find an answer to this. The only things I can think of to make my life better is learn something new a new programming language, a new speaking language but when I open a book I have a hard time even finishing it or concentrating on it. When you are happy everything is good, you can do so many things, work harder, study harder, but how do you motivate yourself when it feels you have nothing in life. My life was never so sad. Ever since I got married and moved to the US I feel so lonely and with each passing day the feeling never goes away it only gets worse. I do not know how to handle the fact that I am living in a place in the US where there are hardly any Indians, how to make friends in a white populated area, how to be happy alone when my husband is at work the whole time. The idea of having a good time seems so distant. The fact that I am seem to be hating my husband more because we can’t have sex is also not so encouraging. What does God want me to do? Will having a baby make this feeling go away? I don’t know. Why can’t I have a decent relationship with my relatives – I can’t stand their naïve nature, their horrible nature, their opinion about my life nature. Everybody has an opinion about my life these days. I am so scared to call anybody. The only questions I would be faced with are: when are you going to have a baby? Are you using protection? Then why is it not happening Etc. Etc. Seriously where in the world is compassion? Where are the ingenious people? Where are the people who are so cool I can hang around all the time? Am I asking for more? The lonely feeling has led me to depression. And the great news is I am an emotional eater. How great is that? This whole week I started doing something I would like to call the HIIT program (my version of it). But I also had close to 10 doughnuts this whole week in the pretext of my periods. I am so good at fooling myself. I am not proud of my eating habits but sometimes I cannot explain the feelings and the desperateness. I want to lose weight but I am not one of the lucky ones whose weight drops off magically. Even when I am on a strict or so called healthy diet I cannot lose weight. My metabolism is great, I am feeling hungry every 3 hours, I am working out but it is really not working for me. Job – I was happy to have one but mediocrity crept in and there was nothing I could do. Every single time I start looking for a job, it should be local or at least something I can travel every day. But that is hard without a GC or Citizenship. And I cannot move outside because we are a family and we should stay under one roof even though we never do anything together. I keep thinking about divorce but I do not know if it will make my life any better. May be I am too scared to take the extreme step or maybe I am scared to think that what will I end up with next. Does anybody feel the same way? Or is it just me?
Kodavati, Most of us go through these periods in our life. You may newly married or middle aged or senior. Had the same kind of discussion with my cousin few days back. Use the opportunity to read, learn new stuff and make friends. You can have good friendship with local people. Visit your local library for a volunteer work. Take any class. Slowly build up self esteem. I am a senior and with grown sons and a nice husband. I do feel sometimes what is my purpose of my life???? But do something with that. Learn meditation- online. learn to make different dishes every day. you can find plenty of recipes in this site. There are so many people are worse than us. Try to help them. Cheer up and enjoy the life. Good luck. CL
After reading your post, the one thing i notice is how much negativity you are living with! Everyone has problems in their life, but everyone has something good about their lives too. I'm sure youdo too, hope to hear more of those in another post. Anyway, let's go through each point. I live in a neighbourhood that is all american. I haven't met a single indian anywhere in this area at all. But I have plenty of friends here. Why the stereotpe? Why do you have to make friends with Indians only? There are so many ways to make friends with your neighbours, you just have to take that first step. If you are really particular about making Indian friends, go to temples, join some cultura/regional groups, im sure there are plenty of resources for finding one available online. Is there a reason why your husband does not want to have sex with you? I dont know your background, so I cant be much help there... There could be a reason why you cannot finish something that you start. And most likely, it is the lack of motivation. Everyone has something that gives them that motivation. For me, it's the end result and what a new venture could do to me at the end that serves as a motivatio. For example, if I want to build a house and there's a lot I have to do before I can get there, I can slip off because I get bored too easy. But what can keep me motivated is how that house can give me the shelter and the warmth I need and how I can achieve it by continuing to put my effort in building the house-just an example! You can choose your friends, ut you cannot choose your relatives...sad but true, so we are stuck with relatives we are born with, nice or otherwise... Our society is designed such that we are allowed to judge and build opinions on someone irrespective of if it's required, or if we are qualified or if it does any harm to the person that is being judged and all that yappity yap and also get away with it because it's perfectly fine. People are always going to talk, you have to be ok with it. Regarding you diet, i can give you a whole list of tips but i want to keep my post short so let me just say keep the foods that tempt you AWAY. if you dont have it, you will let it pass..remember just dieting with no exercise will only make you lose muscle mass. Why not join a group fitness program where you can meet people with the same goal as you which is getting fit? Your story is the same as many others who are on H4, it is a sad leash that ties down qualified and willing potential employees from working. Nevertheless, are you willing to volunteer? There ar plenty of opportunities for volunteers across the country and by volunteering, you will be helping someone in need in some way. It is very rewarding. Also, you will meet lots of people and make friends. Regarding a baby. From what you have said, I get a feeling that you only want a baby to keep you from getting bored. Am i thinking right here? There is plenty life has to offer us, we just have to pick the right things and try to care less about the wrong ones
You started off with a very positive note...."what is life all about?" Most people go through life without asking this question. That is what everyone does not one stops to ask this question...and people who have asked have become great. Moments like this are times for contemplation not brooding... think hard...What is it that you want of life?. Shut the noise outside, the voice of others that you are hearing time and again. Go for a long walk to a spot you enjoy most and sit down with a pen and paper and write down 10 things you would most like to do before you are gone from this world....and chart your course. Start today for someone rightly said Life is beautiful feel it , hold it and treasure it...... Happiness is still not complete it has an opposite called Sad. Look for Bliss which has no opposite. Wish from your heart and you will find it.....
